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My boyfriend wont kiss me, hug me or compliment me, what's wrong?

Tagged as: Dating, Health, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 June 2012) 10 Answers - (Newest, 16 March 2013)
A female United States age 22-25, *B057 writes:

My boyfriend won't kiss me, hug me, or even touch me. He never compliments me or says anything sweet. I'm really starting to think he's not attracted to me. He tells me a lot how "hot" his celebrity crushes are so i know he doesn't have a problem saying someone is sexy so why won't he tell me? It's really making me insecure. It's very hard to deal with this because I'm completely in love with this man. I tell him everyday how wonderful, handsome he is. I've mentioned this problem to him several times. He just says "sorry i make you feel that way" and nothing changes. Help please. I try to ignore this and just try to not be so sensitive but after a while it starts wearing on me. Any suggestions?

View related questions: crush, insecure

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2013):

I am in the same situation right now...8 months,no kiss,hug, touch or magical words"Love you","Want you"...any date(going out,movie or somewhere else but my house...not his!)...No SEX...Both divorced...But I can give you the answer...late...hopefully you found already somebody else:He is a NARCISSIST, has NPD,sorry...How do I know?Lot of research...because all this time(almost a year),I felt like being in love with a mask...Few weeks ago I told him that I have to go to surgery(he didn't ask what kind of...didn't care)so I want to see him the day before...He didn't come,didn't call before or after to see that I'm still alive...he just disappeared...Lack of empathy,main trait of the NARCISSIST..There are more than three weeks now...I didn't call either,because I realized he doesn't have anything under that mask...I was in love with an empty shell...He will never change,he will just go to the next victim...I need to move on,hard because I still love him,but not as much to lose my self esteem...I am heartbroken,but not heartless...this is HIM..

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A female reader, jinxx Canada +, writes (4 June 2012):

jinxx agony auntIt seems to me he just doesn't care one way or the other how you feel. That's no boyfriend, and it's definitely not someone you want to be your boyfriend.

My suggestion is to end the relationship, and move on. He clearly doesn't value you, so find someone who does. I'm sure it wont be too hard, you sound like a really nice girl :)

You deserve better.

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A female reader, Miss Johnson United States +, writes (4 June 2012):

Miss Johnson agony auntJust read your follow up. I do not think you should be in a relationship where you are getting what you need and also you have mentioned to him how you feeling and everything. I think if he truly love you he would make an effort to give you what you need. I just saying its just not fair to you...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2012):

My suggestion would be to let go...It is not worth it staying. You are not getting anything out of this relationship. It is not fair to you to be treated that way. You should not wait for him to come around because he should have been at that affectionate point with you months ago.I wish you the best hun

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2012):

My suggestion would be to let go...It is not worth it staying. You are not getting anything out of this relationship. It is not fair to you to be treated that way. You should not wait for him to come around because he should have been at that affectionate point with you months ago.I wish you the best hun

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A female reader, ImmortalPrincess United States +, writes (4 June 2012):

ImmortalPrincess agony auntHe isn't physically or emotionally affectionate with you, what the hecks is it, about this man, that you're in love with? Love is born out of having a physical and emotional connection with someone, and you don't have either one of those with him. If he doesn't love you, now, he isn't going to love you after you make all these changes to yourself, either. Holding onto someone who isn't capable of returning your love, will bring you nothing but heartache. Don't lose your self respect and identity to this man, you deserved to be loved. Move on, there are plenty of men, in this world, who are capable of connecting, physically and emotionally.

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A female reader, JB057 United States +, writes (4 June 2012):

JB057 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

We've had physical contact just never initiated by him. :/ you're probably right.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States + , writes (4 June 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntSweetie, after 8 months together and no physical contact, you have to accept that he's no boyfriend.

he's just not that into you....

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A female reader, JB057 United States +, writes (4 June 2012):

JB057 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I've felt this way from the 2nd month in the relationship. I just thought once he got a little more comfortable with me, he'd start being more affectionate. Now, it's 8 months into the relationship & we see each other every day but there's NEVER any physical contact & definitely no compliments. It's hard to end it when my feelings have developed & i've fallen in love. I guess I just think things might change. I'm trying to work on the physical things that i think might be unattractive to him. I'm hoping once I drop some weight & tone up, he might be a little more willing to be intimate.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States + , writes (4 June 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntwhy is he your boyfriend?

why do you love him?

my man is not very verbally affectionate but he makes sure I know he loves me in other ways.

why are you with a man who does not make you feel loved?

why are you with a man that does not touch you, hug you or kiss you?

what are YOU getting from this man?

do not ignore this... do you think it will get better?

My suggestion... it's not working out with him... end the relationship.

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