A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:After looking everywhere on the Internet for an answer, I feel like I should ask my very own question out there. Boyfriend of 8 months is usually wonderful, I know that he does his very best for me and our relationship. He's very committed and very reliable. In terms of compliments, he not very romantic, and will never say I look beautiful or acknowledge my effort to look nice. I usually have to ask him to say something romantic, which he usually obliges to, but last Saturday morning, due to this trait of his, I was feeling very insecure and asked him to say something romantic. He scoffed and said nothing. During the afternoon, he texted a couple of times and I was not as effusive as I usually am. We had agreed he would come spend the night at my house, as per usual, and he simply disappeared. He didn't show up, he didn't message. The other day, he sends me a text and doesn't mention anything, I very calmly explain to him what he did, and he says he's sorry, but he doesn't say anything else, doesn't call, doesn't send any other msg throughout the day. It's now Monday and he's still to contact me. He never truly apologizes, while I always do and do my best to make up to him, have I caused him wrong. I feel like he's not going to contact me unless I reach out to him (which I always do when we fight), but I feel like this time he knows very well what he did (I don't like being by myself at night, and I hate flaky people). The longer he takes to call me and apologize, the more I think about breaking up with him, as wonderful as he is. Please, help.TL;DR: Usually wonderful boyfriend stood me up, has not genuinely apologized.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 June 2015):
 You're in your 30s, you've been dating this flaky guy for only 8 months and you have been fighting enough to say that you do "x" when you fight ["I feel like he's not going to contact me unless I reach out to him (which I always do when we fight), but I feel like this time he knows very well what he did (I don't like being by myself at night, and I hate flaky people). The longer he takes to call me and apologize, the more I think about breaking up with him, as wonderful as he is."]
You've been dating for 8 months and you are having fights and are now in a contest to see who will apologize first?
Woman. Seriously. He's not very committed and he's not very reliable. He's done and you should be too.
You want romance, he's not the dude. You want compliments on your efforts to look nice for him, he's not the dude.
In other words, he's not the man for you.
And to the first male anon respondent, where did you read revenge in there at all? What the heck?
To our OP, just let this relationship die... He's not the love of your life and you will be wasting precious time trying to convert him into the "perfect" boyfriend.
My thinking on this is that he should be good enough as he is as you are good enough as you are. If you are fighting and making stuff up after only 8 months? Um, he is not the one for you.
Block his number but do send him a nice note saying that you've decided to move on. A card sent by snail mail is not a bad idea in this case.
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (1 June 2015):
Firstly, he is who he is, and a lot of guys out there just dont have that romantic bone in their body. I think a lot of wives can vouch for this and have learned to accept the things their husbands do that they think expresses their love.
Secondly, he may not even be truly aware of the issue while you are a steaming train going off rails. I see it all the time with guys who don't have that romantic bone. In his mind it might just be a normal day and where as you are just annoyed about him not coming over and not receiving a boost in for your insecurities...or as a guy would think, "whatever it is you are mad about".
Also he could be just as annoyed as you are, perhaps he is tired of you complaining about his romantic side and this is his way of dealing with it.
Who knows.
Let us know who caves in first.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 June 2015):
 You gotta be kidding ,male anon. I am sure that your mom raised you better than that !
Just " sorry " is OK when you inadvertently stomp on somebody's foot on the bus.
When you go MIA on your GF , keeping her waiting and worrying ,no explanations no messages whatsoever,- you have been about the rudest ( and most aggressive, yeah, it's an hostile, aggressive move ) that you can be, so just sorry, two days later and not volunteered but upon request too !, won't cut it at all. It needs to be completed by an explanation, and more believable than " sorry, I was abducted by aliens " , or, if he does not want to give details, thinks details may trigger a bog row, or does not have a real explanation other than his bad mood and bad manners, he needs to sound more convincing and more repentant, along the lines of " I realize that mine was really was a jerk move, I promise you it won't happen again ".
I think, OP, that your wonderful BF maybe is less wonderful actually that you credit him for- at 8 months of dating he is starting to show you his true colours, because he is sure you are not going anywhere no matter how he treats you, and... I am afraid that this is just the shape of things to come, and that you will see other similar episodes in the next future. If you want to be THERE to see them happening, that's up to you OP , of course ; as for me, after a stunt like that, he should be more " wonderful " than Mother Theresa for me to still want him around. But , everybody is different, and there's no accounting for tastes, which is perfectly fine-just , if you go ahead, well, proceed at your own risk and peril.....
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 June 2015):
 Do you recall the classic cartoon, wherein a big bully has his open hand on some scrawny guy's forehead.... and the scrawny guys is swinging wildly because his reach doesn't even extend to the big bully????? I can't get that picture out of my head... as what you described is YOU "fighting" like crazy to have a relationship... and your guy holding you at bay, not getting a scratch, and - really - not giving as damn about you...
When you realize that you can't have a "relationship" all by yourself (at least not with this guy).... then I expect you will end things...
P.S. His most recent transgression just SCREAMS: "I've got another girl on the line, and I think I'll see how far I can get with her...."
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (1 June 2015):
 Maybe CHANGE your usual routine. DO NOT be the one to reach out to him. You say he KNOWS what he did wrong, he probably does - but he also DOESN'T think he did anything wrong, or he would have reached out.
As for the whole not giving compliments, WHY force him to do it? Those compliments are not genuine. If you KNOW you have spend a long time making yourself LOOK good, give YOURSELF the compliment and continue your day. YOU REALLY (and yes, I' quite serious) DO NOT need HIS constant approval, you just WANT it. Some men WITHHOLD compliments on purpose, because they LIKE their women to feel a little insecure about her looks, some actually think it will prevent a women from straying as she doesn't think she is "all that and a bag of chips". Some men are OBLIVIOUS to giving compliments.
I think your guy.... is category one. He withholds them. You have already TOLD him that you would like for him to do so, and he does (halfheartedly I bet) - so he KNOWS you WANT those, yet can't seem to do that FOR you.
Then he is now giving YOU the silent treatment, again because he doesn't think he did anything wrong. He was just FEED up with your "demands". It IS easier for him to put the blame on you, that way - HE isn't wrong and thus doesn't have to apologize.
As for not liking to spend the nights alone... THAT is no reason to keep a crappy BF around. Though you DO mention he is usually wonderful. IS he really as wonderful as you "think".
Why not TAKE a few days and think it all over, while giving HIM a few days too. No calling no reaching out. See if he keeps ignoring you or if he gets in touch. If someone gave ME the silent treatment AFTER standing me up, I would NOT reach out. But I'm stubborn that way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2015): Eight months is about the right time when the shine wears off and what you see is what you get. He is not trying to impress you a
He is treating you with contempt and sounds very detached emotionally. He thinks he can treat you badly and get away with it. He thinks this because he has done and you have allowed it.
He sounds a bit selfish.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2015): He said he was sorry - what more do you want? Blood? The first thing he did when you explained what he did to upset you was to SAY HE WAS SORRY.
You got your apology. If revenge is what you're after, you're going to have to make that clearer.
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