A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I am feeling so upset and I'm thinking maybe I am overreacting. My bf and I have had a plan abt how and when we will become engaged and then married. We have been together for 5 years and will both be juniors in college in the fall. We thought to get engaged this Christmas and marry just after graduation in June of 2010. Now, my bf says we will get engaged on "his terms" when he is ready and feels he can afford the ring he wants to buy. I have said I need nothing fancy and he feels I am pushing. He is thinking maybe not to even get engaged until our sr. year and then marry once we have jobs and/or I am in graduate school. I guess I am just upset because we have had this plan for so long and he is changing it. It makes me feel like maybe he is having second thoughts about me even though he says he loves me more than ever. All I want to do is cry right now and I know it's dumb. Please help me understand what is going on.
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female
reader, birdynumnums  + ♥, writes (18 July 2008):
 Sorry Hun, all I said was *wink*, when what I meant was do you think that it might be a possibility that he wants to put you "off the scent" because he would still like to surprise you with a proposal. That's kind of hard to do if you are always discussing it. And from your last post, all this discussing it is getting him down and questioning if he wants to marry you!!! Yikes! I think you two should get off the topic and get back to romance again. Let us know when he pops the question!
;-)
A
female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (18 July 2008):
 So you will still get married that year?
I'm so glad you talked to him. This is what people in a relationship should do: talk.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the great answers. You all are the best. We talked more and he is feeling unsettled because of a time a month ago when I felt he was acting rude and disrespectful over a period of time. I suggested we take a break if he couldn't be nicer to me. He now says this has made him worry that I would do this once we're engaged. He said it scared him so badly and he was so depressed that I would even suggest that. Does this make sense to you all?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): Hi
I am sorry you are upset, but i think it will be the right thing to do for now, it does not mean he does not love you. Marriage is good and i am sure one day you will, but i would hold back for now and stop making all these plans, forget them for now, even though you have done five years it is not about marriage just enjoy the love between you. BUT !!!!!! i do think if you are willing to leave the wedding alone he should without doubt put an engagement ring on your finger, if he is not prepared to do this as a compromise he may well be backing off completly( sorry!) money is no reason or excuse for no engagement ring, a cheap twenty pound ring could do and you dont have to have a party. However if you are wanting all the fuss of eng & wed then i can see why he is backing off, it makes it boring and takes the fun away. Good luck !but don't hang on too long either if you see NO MOVEMENT.
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A
female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (16 July 2008):
I think you have to put yourself in his shoes. I think his reason to wait is because he wants to know he can afford the wedding. With the money he has now, he probably only can afford an engagement/wedding ring which rock you can barely see. Probably he wants to give you what he thinks you deserve, which is a beautiful ring that might represent his love for you... and many people interpret that with the size of the rock (I know silly, but true)
Probably he wants to give you the perfect wedding, the wedding of your dreams, and he can't afford it unless he has a job. Probably he wants to afford a house as soon as you marry, and he can't unless he has a good job. Probably he wants for the two of you to be in a stable economical life where there's little worries, and he can only bring that with a good, stable job.
While in college, he can't bring those things to you because the job he may have is not enough. He's only thinking of your future with him and he might want to make it wonderful.
Now if you think all of this is unnecesary, then talk to him about it. A big problem that why women get mad at their partner is because they expect for the partner to know what they're thinking. He's not a psychic and he never will know your reasons for getting mad unless you tell him. Go ahead and tell him and he'll probably change his mind.
Good luck and have a happy wedding.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums + ♥, writes (16 July 2008):
Tell him that this makes you feel that maybe he is having second thoughts and worrying you! You know, it could be that he wants to surprise you as well, *wink*, but I can totally understand how this would upset you if you had planned this out together beforehand. If he says he loves you more than ever, I would trust that more than anything else, Hun! Do us a favor and let us know what happens...
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