A
female
age
30-35,
*omantic7
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for 8 months now whom I love dearly. I’m 28 and he’s a year older. We live together.So my boyfriend wants me to take a lie detector test because his pathological liar of a younger brother said that we slept together but that’s a lie. His brother and I use to be good high school friends and has always been in the friend zone although he had a huge crush on me. As soon as his lil bro found out my boyfriend and I were interested in each other and wanted to date he flipped out and started spreading these rumours. I was pissed that this lunatic was spreading lies and confronted him Infront of my boyfriend one night and his lil bro admitted that it was a lie so we all dropped it. (This was the first week of my boyfriend and I’s relationship)So now all of a sudden... 8 months into our relationship my boyfriends lil bro decides to start up the rumours all of a sudden so now my boyfriend says he doesn’t know what to believe anymore. I said excuse me... ur bro already confessed that he lied about it and we dropped it, what’s there not to believe. Apparently his lil bro is telling all his family members that him and I had sex. Omg I’m so annoyed and disgusted that his own family would do this to my boyfriend. So about the lie detector test. On one hand I get that he just wants closure and just wants the truth but on the other hand I can’t see myself with someone who can’t trust me And cant move on from the situation. All he has to do is dismiss his lil bro from his life especially after the fact that his spreading rumours about his girl friend and telling his whole family.... what psychopath does that and what dumb ass allows it and still calls him family. I would cut my sister off in a heart beat If she ever started rumours about my partner especially something so inappropriate. My boyfriend said he will shove the results in his bros mouth. This whole thing is tearing me apart and I feel like I’m stuck in a nightmare. I already agreed to taking the test cuz I know the truth but I warned my boyfriend already that I don’t think I could see him the same anymore after the test. I just don’t think I can be with someone who can’t trust me. And I rather remove myself from his life than Get in between his family if I already know this issue will damage our relationship. Does that make sense? Pleas share ur thoughts... I’m in desperate need of opinions cuz is this normal?
View related questions:
crush, liar, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (27 March 2018):
 Honeypie mentioned it -- sorry!
But just because someone's a prolific liar doesn't make them easily beat a lie detector test. In fact, he'll most likely fail it simply because of the emotional aspect of the issues between him and you.
I say the brother sits down and takes it before you. No ifs, ands, or buts.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (27 March 2018):
HOLD ON A SECOND!
Why is no one on here suggesting that his BROTHER, not YOU, take the lie detector test???! I would rip my boyfriend in pieces if he, knowing that he has a liar for a brother, doesn't suggest that his brother take the test.
You are INNOCENT until proven guilty, and this brother's motive for messing up your relationship is plain as day!
Tell your boyfriend that you'll do nothing of the sort until his brother the liar takes the test. If he hems and haws and tries to get you to do it again, break up with him. A guy with a liar for a brother and weak spineless demeanor is too much baggage.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (27 March 2018):
 If you still have a couple of months on the lease it gives YOU time to get your ducks in a row and find a new place to live. (unless HE moved in with you).
Make sure you separate ALL bills, take your name of anything pertaining to this address (like if your name is on the gas/electric, etc.)
I also think staying WITH this guy in a relationship will make YOU miserable in the long run. The lie-detector test is ONE thing, but not trusting you? It's not going to change REGARDLESS of this test.
You can LOVE someone and realize they are NOT a good match long term. This is WAY too much drama over nonsense.
Thanks for the update and I wish you well.
...............................
A
female
reader, Romantic7 +, writes (26 March 2018):
Romantic7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so very much for Taking the time to reach out to me with advise. I just needed to get out of my head and see what other people thought about the situation and u all have helped me come to a decision so here’s the update!So I went ahead and did the lie detector test and of course I passed it. I decided to do it cuz I wanted to give my bf closure and also I can rub it in his brothers face that he’s a psychotic liar and clearly needs help cuz how can anyone ever do that to his own flesh and blood. People are sick! So prior to doing this test my bf said he needs to cut someone off whether it’s me or his brother. So now that the test is over and there’s proof that i was telling the truth I asked so are u gonna cut him off now? He went in circles talking about how if his bro tries to talk shit again then he can tell him to stfu with this proof. Not only is that a pathetic response he said he is family and “I don’t talk to him anyway” and he asked me what he should do. I told him I have no right telling him to cut off his family but the words out of his mouth prior to the test was that he was gonna cut someone offf who ever is lying. So clearly that was just bull crap just to get me to take the test. I feel used. The way I feel is so sad. We have a couple more months on our lease. I have to figure out what to do. I think I have decided that I have to break up with him cuz not only did I waste my day off doing this stupid test for him but everything u guys mentioned is 100000000% true. U guys honestly opened my eyes and in a sense I’m glad I had to go through this disgustingness nice and early before marriage or kids were involved. I love him truly but I can’t believe I had to endure this drama. Like what does our future hold u know? So I now know what to do thank u all so very much!
...............................
A
female
reader, 02DuszJ  +, writes (26 March 2018):
 WOW. Your bf is screwy.. I would flat out refuse to take the test. If he doesn't trust you enough or know when you're telling the truth it's not going to change. Trust is just as important as love- without it there is no foundation to build the relationship on.
So no matter how much you love him love won't fix this. Your bf has serious issues which you can't fix. His behaviour is a massive insult to you, and don't mistake his insecurity for passion for you, it's controlling, irrational and kindof psychopathic. I also agree with Tyler that his brother doesn't sound mentally stable and could end up stalking/assaulting you..
If you stay with him be prepared for a rocky ride. Watch your back
...............................
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (26 March 2018):
 This is laughable.
I'd end things immediately and tell them both never to contact you again. Does he think this is jerry springer? What a pair of oddballs.
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (26 March 2018):
 Time to kick his boyfriend's ass to the curb so hard, that his ass is not worth sitting on ever again and he remembers this every single day for the rest of his sorry life. Then block all numbers from both brothers and inform them and entire family that one more word from them and the cops will know. Lie detector test my ass. I normally wouldn't use foul language but please excuse me anyone reading this just once! When you're done dumping him, tell him to fuck right off and then when he's done fucking off, to fuck off some more. I cannot believe the audacity of his guy!
See the short answer is that your boyfriend believes his brother and not just that, in some twisted way he wants to humiliate you. Imagine life with this guy and the psychopath brother! Even if under the worst of circumstances you agree to take the test, keep in mind that lie detector tests are not a 100% accurate and God forbid if you "fail" it for some reason, how do you think this maniac is going to react?
Listen you're going to laugh about this guy when you think about him in the future.. Like my God can you imagine the guy I dated! But now, right now, it's time to dump him and move right on.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2018): His little brother is blood, and blood is thicker than water.
You moved-in with a guy you've only been committed to for 8 measly months. He can't trust you! How many times can you take a lie-detector test? His brother can lie a zillion times!
Here's what I'd do. I'd let him pay for that damned lie-detector test, pass it, and move on! I would not have anything to do with either of them.
What is this, some stupid day-time hokey reality-TV show?
You can't even decline; because you're up to your neck in this sibling-rivalry! For numb-nuts like those two; it's bros before...you know the ending!
You have a very immature and insecure boyfriend.
His piss-ant little brother is always going to be up in your business; because he's jealous...and just because he can! He will make it his mission to be a wedge between you. You're not his wife; so you don't get to tell his family members to just get lost. He trusts his brother; and evidently, he doesn't trust you. If you ask me, he still won't trust you after you take a stupid lie-detector test. His brother will just find another way to create trouble.
Sorry, girlfriend; but you're in it knee-deep. Take the test. You've probably signed a lease, you've got no place to go, and you jumped-in too fast to begin with.
My dignity wouldn't allow me to stay with a shithead like that!
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (26 March 2018):
 Your gut feelings are spot on. Go with them. If your boyfriend doesn't trust you, he doesn't trust you. End of. You deserve better. Go out and find someone who deserves you. This guy really doesn't.
Apart from anything else, lie detector tests are renowned not to be 100% accurate. So what next? He will accuse you of faking it and demand another one? Or some other "proof" that you didn't have sex with his brother? Is this what you want your future life to be like - always having to prove your innocence to him?
You're only months into this relationship. Get out before you get any deeper. And cut contact with the lying brother before he tries to harm any other of your relationships. He did you a favour in this case because at least you found out early on how your boyfriend sees you. You deserve better.
...............................
A
male
reader, TylerSage +, writes (26 March 2018):
 Doesn't sound like much of a trusting relationship, plus his jealous brother sounds like a trouble maker who could make your life hell.The relationship is young however and he's known his brother longer than you so it's understandable that he chooses the side of his family in this instant but given that you have a history with his brother can cause complications in the future.You don't need to take the test but it's understandable that you want to clear your name. I think it's best you end the relationship afterwards. There's no telling what his brother may do next if you stay. His actions show that he holds some amount of resentment towards you and that can be dangerous. First it could be a lie, then assault or even worse and there's no telling who your boyfriend will believe.Trust your instincts.All the best.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (26 March 2018):
 1. get your ducks in a row, make sure your assets and finances are protected.
2. Line up somewhere new to live.
3. Take his lie detector test.
4. Shove the results up his left nostril and then say bye bye.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 March 2018):
I absolutely get why you say, "OK let's DO the lie-detector test because this is a fabrication of your brothers vivid imagination".
HOWEVER... Are you to take a lie-detector test EVERY time your BF hears rumors? Every time his brother concoct some ridiculous bullshit?
Are you to ALWAYS worry about what is going to be next? What you will be accused off next? What lies this guy's brother will create and spread next?
I also get that if MY brother told me something, I would trust my brother (though MY brother is NOT a pathological liar, I would trust him NOT just because he is my brother but because I trust him) - so in your case your BF decides to TRUST his brother OVER you. which means... HE doesn't trust you AT ALL. Especially since he KNOWS that his brother admitted to it being a lie 8 months ago....
And then let's talk lie-detector tests. PEOPLE (like your BF's brother) can EASILY beat them. IF he is a "good liar" it's not hard. And YOU can fail it (even if you are telling the truth) if you are VERY nervous. Even if you pass, the whole IDEA of giving your partner a lie-detector test over this... it's.... mind boggling! Let's say you ace the test with flying colors. Do you really think your BF will then totally trust you from then on? Nah, his drama-llama brother will create some other scenario to discredit you.
This is NOT a healthy relationship, OP.
His brother is IN charge of YOUR relationship, it seems. 3 people in a relationship JUST doesn't work!
You DO NOT owe HIS brother, his family or HIM to take a lie detector test to prove this. (or anything else). If he RATHER trust his brother over you, then WALK away.
And if this "alleged" sex happened in High School (so 10'ish years ago) WHY is that a big deal now? why is it ANY of your BF's business IF you slept with ANYONE in High School, let alone his brother?
Honestly? I'd tell your BF to stick his brother and the lie-detector test up so far where the sun don't shine!
I could not date someone who thinks I need to prove or disprove rumors.
On the other hand... In a way (because I guess I'm a little vengeful) I would DO the test (your BF better pay for it btw) and when it shows I did not lie, I'd tell him Bye- Bye and never look back. that way he would know his brother IS a big fat liar and HE just lost the best girl in the World!
But in short... no, this is not normal and no, you are not REQUIRED to do this and no, you shouldn't keep dating him if THIS is what is going on.
...............................
|
