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My boyfriend took me to a swinger's club !!!

Tagged as: Dating, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 November 2008) 9 Answers - (Newest, 30 November 2009)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend and I went to a swingers club and he wanted to join a couples room of course not knowing what it was I said yes the woman opened the door and there was like six couple having sex or just oral sex. I told him I couldnt do this and he was upset. He ignored me the rest of the night saying he is not mad. I just cant bring myself to do sexual things infront of anyone else. What do I do?

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A male reader, greycloud24 United States +, writes (30 November 2009):

he may have felt embarassed for asking you to come. perhaps he didn't know how to ask you and hoped you knew what it meant to be going to a swinger's club. did he have a hard time looking into your eyes after that?

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A male reader, Red Green 0289 United States +, writes (20 July 2009):

Did you know you were going to a swingers club? Did you know it was an "on premise" club - sounds like NO to the last question... at least... HE should ahve NEVER surprised you. This is very VERY rude, and insensative.

Odds are good he knew that you'd be uncomfortable, and avoided having the conversation that should have taken place DAYS before the visit. This is NOT something you just head out to w/o dialog, and time to really consider the prospect.

Now, if your game, you two can play alone in the group room. There is NO rule that says that you have to allow others to touch you and you're under ZERO obligation to play with anyone. A lot of folks go to clubs, play with their partner, watch and enjoy being watched and go home and screw like rabbits for many weeks or months after.

You may have to try a few clubs before you find one taht you like the folks at enough to be comfortable to play in the same room.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2008):

Wow, I don't blame you. Do you have to get a physical before you join? Probably not. Seems like a great place to spread STDs . . . a regular petri dish in an incubator. I myself wouldn't exchange body fluids with anyone I didn't know and trust. That's not my cup of tea.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2008):

The silent treatment is simple EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL from the guy.Guys use this to silently bully the woman to get what they want.This is a sign of controlling behavior.Its swinger's club today,what next???!!!

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (2 November 2008):

Well the poor guy was probably so turned on and excited thinking he was going to swing.

He was quiet because he had RAGING frustration. No sensitivity because all the blood was somewhere other than his brain.

Let him calm down and then things will go back to normal.

Good Luck!! xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

This is re the question about the swingers club. I did tell him I was not comfortable and like I said he said he wasnt mad but he didnt speak with me the rest of the night. I feel that he should be understanding knowing I did try it but I dont feel that he understands. Can someone give me some advice on what to say to him or do?

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A female reader, babomi China +, writes (2 November 2008):

babomi agony auntHe didn't tell you before? Either he's totally insensitive or very clumsy. If he's totally insensitive, you've no reason to stay with him, whatever his sexual fantasies.

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (2 November 2008):

Wow that must have been a bit of a shock to say the least.

What you can do is a little limited.

You can either tell him he can go alone - effectively giving him permission to cheat.

Or you can tell him sorry but no, you just can't do it. But perhaps suggest doing something a little more adventurous at home alone instead?

Good Luck!! xx

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A female reader, supermum United Kingdom +, writes (2 November 2008):

supermum agony aunti am currently at a 24hour naturist/ swinging club as we speak... and i love it. however, you should not be forced to do anything that you are not comfortable with... if you want to work with him, go one time with a view to just watching and build it up.

talk to him and say your were uncomfortable, whilst being sensitive to the fact that this is something that turns him on

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