A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I hope someone can help. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and over the time had a few probs with his sister. They are very close. Anyway every time she gets drunk she becomes all needy, turns her back to me, and makes comments that make me think that she has a deep down resentment of the fact her brother loves someone more than her. By the way she is happily married. On Sat night we had all had a lot to drink and she started with this annoying behaviour, I just snapped and told her what I thought. My boyfriend shouted at me not to speak to his sister like that and was told to leave. I feel so let down by my boyfriend as he turned against me even though he knows how much she has upset me in the past and I've let it go.I went round in the morning and apologised and tried to explain but I got a load of abuse from her and told to leave again. Anyway my boyfriend went round sorted it all out and told me its all sorted and he's explained to her my reasons and said everything is fine. Trouble is I text her to apologise again and not heard a thing. I feel so let down, upset, and think I'm getting paranoid. I feel like I may have caused a rift and this will hang over us forever.My feelings have changed towards my boyfriend even though he is totally supportive.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2007): Hi, thank you both for your answers. I thought I was going mad. Just an update. I eventually got a text off her. Yes it was really sweet, saying she cares about me, we can put it behind us etc and I do know that it will be forgotton, maybe until the next time she gets drunk. Anyway my boyfriend and I have had endless talks about it, I've told him that in future if she gets in this state again I will nip it in the bud and we shall make our excuses and go home. The thing is even though my boyfriend totally understands my reactions, feelings whys and wherefores, I still keep thinking about it, its like a knife in my chest. I just feel like he betrayed my trust, in fact I think my trust has gone. The fact is he shouted and totally backed her up even though he knows what she is like. Am I just dwelling here? should I put it behind me? I know I'm a sensitive person but we are getting ready now to settle down properly and start a family. I already have a 7yr old daughter from my previous marriage who adores him and he does her. I'm 6 years older than him and often wonder if its the age thing as I feel I don't want to go out anymore getting drunk and having these stupid drunken emotional conversations. I know he likes these evenings so I don't know what to do. This big argument seems to have made me look at our relationship which is absolutely fine in every other way, have I lost trust? and if so can I get it back. Sorry about this I just feel like I can't talk toanybody as I do tend to think about things too much and I'm often told this.
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (27 February 2007):
 First of all try not to make this mistake again. Until you're married your boyfriend's family will always take precedence over you because theyre the stable force in his life who will always be there. If his sister has any flaws it's for him to point them out to her, not you. Make your boyfriend believe you're sorry. Ask him what he thinks about having a dinner party and inviting his sister and her husband and apologise publicly. She'll have to accept in a social situation and hopefully you can slowly work on bringing things back to normal.
CD
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A
female
reader, nicola79 +, writes (26 February 2007):
 Oh dear,Sounds like a jelious sister. Even though she is married she still wants to control her brother, he shouldnt have took her side like that,and even if he thought you were wrong he shouldnt have done it infront of her.
You need to ask him how he would have felt if it was the other way round? in future tell him if you and his sister have ding dong then its between the two of you and not him.
As for his sister,you have done your bit in trying to say sorry,leave it know because she is proberly loving it.
I hope everything works out ok for you. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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