A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend thinks I'm faking orgasm's! We have been together for just over a year and I have never faked an orgasm with him. I don't even think I would be very good at faking one! First of all, why does he think that? My downstairs tenses and pulsates and everything else that happens during an orgasm, yet he still thinks they are not real? Secondly, how can I get him to believe me?? It's putting me of orgasming because I'm scared of being accused of fakery. It's ridiculous and I'm quite offended!Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks guys!
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (13 February 2015):
 As a man that's "been around" some. I can atest to the facthat it is very difficult totell if you've satisfied your partner or not. He is young and doesn't quite understand the female body. He can only draw from what he has heard or seen. When he finally matures he will realize that not all women cling to the ceiling when they have an orgasm. Most of the time the man is kind of left wondering "did she or didn't she?" Oh well, the "afterglow" period is when he'll understand. a warm embrace after the room cools down should be all it takes to let him know all's well with the world. Give him time. he's too young to appreciate the total experience.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (13 February 2015):
 My guess is, your BOY has been watching too much porn. He thinks the "orgasms" FEMALE porn stars CONSTANTLY FAKE is the real deal. That EVERY woman orgasms the same way - WE don't. Just like some women are quiet in bed, some yell and scream, moan or whatever WORKS for THAT particular woman.
I agree with SVC - next time he accuses you, tell him HOW off putting it is, how it TURNS you OFF. And then get up, get dressed and walk away (if it's your place you were having sex at, tell HIM to get dressed and go home).
Not only is he ignorant, he is RUINING sex for you.
Besides YOUR orgasms are for YOU... not him. Just like HIS are for him.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (13 February 2015):
 You "boyfriend" is a great example of immature and misguided young men..... You'll be better off without him.
Let his next "girlfriend" fall victim to his sexual intimidations and blackmail.
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 February 2015):
 Curious. For saying that, it means he expects to see or feel something specific that it is not happening, and this, in his mind, means that your are not having one. And it also means that in his mind ALL women orgasm in the same way with the same physical manifestations, which is notoriously untrue. Did you ask him WHAT makes it an unmistakable female orgasm to him ? What does he think the "signs" are ?...
Because actually it's not that easy and automatic for a man to pinpoint the moment his partner is climaxing ( which makes it easier of course for the fakers to fake one , and be believed ).
The pulsating down there thing- the muscular spasms- may feel overwhelming and powerful subjectively to the woman who is having the orgasm- but externally they may translate into just a flutter, a light twitch over the male organ. Flutter that tends to go unnoticed also because the other party is hopefully too immersed in his own sensations and spasms to got nitpicking about yours :). So, my guess is that he is a major wanker who somehow expects to feel something like the powerful grip a hand, some sort of boa constrictor -like pressure that these very reactive but very fine, small muscles are not really equipped for- it's a vagina,! not a big biceps contacting during weightlifting reps. Or, that porn watching, or his experiences with previous partners, gave him the idea that when a woman climaxes she MUST yell or scream or lash out or sing the national amthem... something showy and peculiar which you are not doing, therefore to him that means that you are just SAYING you came but it's not true.
Now, at my age I would have no patience with a guy like yours who won't let me have my orgasms in peace how I see fit , and assumes he can decide for me how and when I am having a real orgasm - and also that I cannot be trusted to say the truth about my sexual satisfaction or lack of the same. I'd find it offensive and I'd just say : next.
But , at HIS age, let's give him the benefit of doubt, maybe that just comes from sheer ignorance, misinformation and lack of experience. So , ask him what makes him so sure that he can unfailably spot that you are having - or not having -an orgasm- what exactly does he expect him to see happening ? and why does he expect it, does he think that , because if one, or ten female bodies, react a certain way, all the other females in the world will react the same ? In short, maybe he just needs to be set straight with some basic lessons in sexual education and human physiology. If you are a patient type, it sounds like you have your work cut out for you ..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2015): Hahaha!Sorry,couldn't help it. The bitch in me woke up:-)Next time he does it (if you allow a next time):"Yes,honey, you as the man were always right. From the very beginning! I mean,really, you were right and I just can't keep lying any more.I faked every single one! Every SINGLE one,I tell ya! You were right all along! Happy now?"Then, go and find someone who can give you even better ones ;)I hear gentle whispers about skene's gland in the air... ;)Hihihi,sorry, can't stop, keep imagining his face if you'd actually say that to him.I mean he doesn't believe you in the first place anyway, why be nice and try and keep convincing him otherwise?!?Oh,if you do do that,please,please,please post a pic of his face+ follow up.Hihihihi- thank you,you brightened my day :pLove,the Nonny
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 February 2015):
 ya know i could write a whole essay much like the one YouWish wrote but she's so good at it, I'll offer a different approach.
stop taking it personally. when he accuses you of faking it just smile and say "yes dear whatever you say" and if you are still in bed... get up and get moving... he's just lost his cuddle time....
don't try to convince him you are orgasming ... just let him know that if he continues to accuse you of things you will be ending his chance to do so (as in SEX WILL STOP) and then the relationship will stop....
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (13 February 2015):
 As someone who refuses tooth and nail to EVER fake an orgasm, I'd be really offended too, and furthermore, what a shitty way of passing on his performance insecurity onto blaming you in the first place.
I'd tell him that his stupid accusations are making you never want to have an orgasm with him again, or have sex with him ever again, and that you aren't some performing woman who's supposed to act like a moaning porn star to make him "think" you're having an orgasm. What a crock!
DO NOT worry about whether you pulsate or have to justify your body's function or what kind of noises you make or don't make to him! He's lucky you're having sex with him! Don't even think of trying to "prove" your orgasm to him.
Tell him that for him to question your sexual response would be like you questioning and ridiculing his manhood, and that it's one of the worst things he can ever do in his sex life. Tell him that your sexual response requires that you let yourself go, and his comments just destroyed your ability to do so.
This is what comes of using porn as an educational tool. Women on there ARE faking it, and most of the men are as well, having to be "fluffed" because they're only semi-stiff, and her being paid to be a loud exhibitionist. No way man.
And tell him that it's also highly offensive to you for him to be comparing you to any sexual response his past lovers either had or didn't have, because EVERY WOMAN'S response is different, like fingerprints! For him to say that since you don't respond the way he's seen other women do it, that you're faking, is outrageous.
I would stop having sex with him unless he bent over backwards making it up to you. He'd be lucky you ever touch him again, and he needs to know that.
The better way for him to handle it is to have had him tell you that he worries that what he's doing isn't giving you pleasure, and for him to ask you to show him where you like to be touched the best. THAT would have been the way to handle his insecurity and performance anxiety, not this "I think you're faking it" BS.
People like him are WHY many women fake it -- to stroke a guy's immature and fragile ego AND to get it over with, which is absolutely heartbreaking in a sex life.
Finally, take him into the bathroom with you when you go #1. Stop the urine stream in mid-stream for a couple of seconds, and then restart. Ask him if he noticed you doing that. When he says "YES", tell him "That's why I can have an orgasm". Those are KEGELS, and people who are really good at them can have mind-blowing orgasms. Tell him that if you weren't having an orgasm, you just simply won't have one.
I've had sex before when it didn't happen for me. No, my husband doesn't like that so much, but it's the same with him as well sometimes when we get stressed (or one of us is getting over a sickness or are over-tired or have had a bit to drink).
ARGH...didn't mean for this to be a novel, but for some reason, your boyfriend pissed me off. We women have to fight for true sexual expression as it is...and most women CAN'T have an orgasm through intercourse...so those of us who CAN have to be accused of faking it? Bah.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2015): Firstly as it is wrong in the title, the plural of 'orgasm' is 'orgasms' not 'orgasm's!' Now that is over with to your question. I don't know really why he would, maybe he's feeling insecure about your relationship at the minute or just not confident in himself if that's the case tell him how much you appreciate him and say those points about your muscles tensing. If he's been acting suspiciously lately it could mean he's been picking fights for no reason to cause a rift in the relationship. Don't let it get to you.
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