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My boyfriend thinks I'm cheating on him but I would NEVER do that! I'm at the end of my tether with this, what can I do to prove I'm not?

Tagged as: Cheating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 May 2007) 15 Answers - (Newest, 18 July 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I am a 24 year old girl who is having trouble with my on off boyfriend i love him loads but he keeps breaking up with me because he thinks i am cheating on him i have never cheated and never would but he just doesnt believe a word i say, how can i get him to realise i am telling the truth? He thinks i am cheating now because there was another man's phone number in my phone but it was harmless i have told him this but he says the fact that i took the number in the first place is in his mind a form of cheating please help i am at the end of my tether.

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A female reader, miss lady  United States +, writes (18 July 2010):

i think people need to become friends before lovers but intodays world it rarley ever happends that way and all we experience is problem after problem insecurites lies cheating ect. it's not fair to eighter partner i had the same thing happend to me so what did i do i simply siad this " babe we can go meet this kid in person and all three of us can talk this issue out so that you can see for yourself " what did he do no instead he says oh i believe you babe it's ok .. yeah but ever since then things are not the same i mean he called the kid and the kid even siad it himself " we didn't do anything " and gave my man his adress to where he works at and let him know where it is that he hangs out at so that he could come talk to him in person and i was all for it becuase i have nothing to hide ... what does my man do he cowards away a real man would of siad okay lets do this and would of squashed it all . now other side of the coin if it happend to me well it kinda already has ive experienced him talking to other girls i was angry but i did not cheat on him that was earlier on in the relationship ... all in all i feel that my realtionship is garbage and everytime i get into a fight with my man i know this is cheezy and sad but i talk to google and here i found all of you guys ! yay! lol i know how lame but it helps me out alot it gives me a better insite instead of making a rash decision you may regret later on i just go flop down on the couch with my mobile phone internet browser and pout .... it works for me

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010):

Usually if somebody distrusts you for seemingly no reason, it might be because they are being distrustful behind your back. Look into this.

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A male reader, ShamanScruff Australia +, writes (25 March 2010):

All right everyone stop...

All this blah blah about him being insecure and having trust issues... leave him if he doesn't see the light... is complete nonsense! Lets come back to reality here for a moment... everyone is insecure about something, someone, at some point.

You took some guys number... why? Seriously, whats the point, see where it leads? Cmon now, if he did that with some random girl you'd be pissed. Problem is no one ever see's it from the others point of view... do they? Why does someone want your number, answer is to have sex with you, get real and grow up. Don't be naive.

People get cheated on all the time, unfortunately people aren't really all that solid, which is a real shame, the fear of being cheated on is NOT based in fiction, it really does happen, derrr! Ever cheated on anyone before? If you said no I wouldn't believe you either, and if your past isn't great and he's trying to see through it, then its your job to make him comfortable, not take other dudes numbers.

You gotta remember that most people have some form of trust issue with something, or some one, its a natural part of SURVIVAL INSTINCTS, mens is much stronger, usually does NOT require councelling... jeesus...

Here's the point : When you started dating him you would have known how he feels and what he thinks is acceptable.

He would have told you whats ok and whats not, and even if he didn't there are pretty freaking obvious rules about whats ok in a relationship. Like don't go to your ex's house, don't sleep at your ex's house, you know normal shit like that which would make anyone panic.

If you dated him knowing that over time YOU made YOUR choice and still did not respect him enough not to take some guys number. Your appropriate response here would be "Sorry, i have a boyfriend and i'm sure that would upset him, and I'm quite happy thanks, seeya". You KNEW, why he wanted your number!

If your man fell in love with you and is now feeling hurt its your responsibility to come down from your high horse and deal with it, and swallow your pride a bit.

Her- "Oh honey who was that calling at this hour"

Him- "Some random girl i met who wanted my number"

Her- "Oh that's wonderful dear"


Listen to your damn partners, listen to their insecurities, partners should be able to tell the other their insecurities and be comfortable being honest about it without getting in trouble! Because that's what essentially your their for, to truly get to know the person your with. Don't give them trust ultimatums, show them they can trust you buy not letting other dudes get your number, dance with you when your out, or buy you drinks. You know, stupid stuff you'd be angry about to!

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A female reader, todgeroo United States +, writes (17 June 2008):

I'm actually going through this at the moment, my bf thinks not only am i cheating on him but with his friends. i have never been the type of girl to take any type of rubbish from a boy but this is a tough one, one one side you think why am i with him and why am i putting myself through this? i deserve better but theres nothing wrong with wanting to prove that you're telling the truth as this is the most frustrating part.

i think what you need to do is evaluate if the relationship is worth it, and whether there is a light at the end of the tunnel, will this stop soon?

i've been doing that recently and i have to pay respect to the fact that my bf is getting help for his paranoia and is seeing a councilor, i will support him through this but at the same time, i constantly ask myself how can i watch the person i love destroy their life and have them blame this on you when all ur trying to do is help.

i have come to the conclusion that you need to think about ur relationhip before the accusations and judge whether u can for a small part comprimise urself for the person you love. if not and if he ever becomes violent then please LEAVE HIM! and do it in the calmest way you possibly can, theres alot to be said for hindsight, in which case write off this relationship.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2008):

I love my boyfriend, btu he never belives a word I say. It hurts so bad I don't know what to do . He just dosent trust me. I wish he would change. I only mean good.

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A female reader, boots2007 United States +, writes (9 April 2008):

I am in the same boat.. My boyfriend thinks I am cheating as well. I have told him about a friend of mine and all of the sudden he wakes me up at 3 am and wants to know why 3 days ago he called me. I have given him access to my phone,email,voicemail everything to show him that I have nothing to hide and it is still not good enough. I love him alot and I am so hurt I can't eat, sleep, go to work nothing. Please help with what I can do if anything works.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008):

I am in the exact opposite spot. I just broke up with my long-distance boyfriend because I think he may be cheating, when he swears he never would. I started yelling at him and he said, "I always tell the truth and you never believe me" and hung up. He won't answer my calls now. I have never actually caught him, but many very suspicious things always seem to happen that he has a good explanation of.

I am extremely insecure in this relationship and I don't know why because I never was in past relationships. Contrary to what some people are saying I think this is because I DO love him and am petrifid of the thought of losing someone I love again. Also, I know he is someone I want to build my future with and know that I will have to compromise a lot to be with him which I'm fine with, but not if I lose him (its happened in the past).

My advice would be to let him explode, get mad at you and yell at you, but stick to your story (the truth)and don't get mad back. Give him a few days to decompress after an episode and he will be able to realize that his insecurities may result in losing you. Odds are he'll come back and appologize and this will help build trust everytime he realizes you are telling the truth.

Any advice for me? I don't want to lose him over my insecurities, but I got so upset and exploded into yelling before I have a chance to sort it all out. He hates that I don't trust him, but so do I.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2008):

Well I know how you feel because my boyfriend and I are going through the same thing. I would say that just keep confident and keep fighting back. If you give signs of weakness that just makes him think you are even more. Believe me. I think I should take my own advice. MY boyfriend thinks i like another guy because I was sitting with him on the bus ride back form Jasper and i was suppozvly flirting with my him. If he doesnt believe you, he isnt worth it. Just tell him if i was going to cheat on you I would already be going out with this guy and I would have said no to you everytime we got back together.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2007):

I'm in the same boat right now, and it sucks. I'm a flirt and I don't even realize it sometimes, we've had a few instances where he feels I've crossed lines that I didn't see the harm in because I never went through with any of them. This isn't true, anything can cause people to question. As far as Jamer says that your boyfriend doesn't love you because of the trust issues I feel it's exactly the opposite. He cares so much for you that he fears you'll find something or someone who isn't him to fufill your wants and needs and the thought of losing you breaks his heart. As annoying and even painful it can be to have to constantly defend yourself when you think about it, wouldn't you rather him care when you're not cheating than not give a second thought when you are?

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A female reader, bubbloo24 Isle of Man +, writes (28 May 2007):

bubbloo24 agony auntTrust is the foundation of every relationship.

Tell him that if he doesn't start to trust you, you will have to leave him because you can't handle this much questioning.

Does he have a reason not to trust you?

Has he been hurt in the past by other girls?

Try to reassure him, but if he's not gonna trust you now, it's unlikely that he ever will.

I suggest that if he questions your loyalty again, that you ask him why he doesn't trust you and if he doesn't start to trust you that it will have to end.

Good luck. x

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A female reader, candy00s United Kingdom +, writes (28 May 2007):

candy00s agony auntHe sounds very insecure.

He needs to learn to trust you - just because you have male friends does not mean that you are planning on being unfaithful to him.

It sounds like he has been hurt in the past and has trust issues, if he wont work through this and realise that you arent doing anything wrong then you need to walk away from this relationship.

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A female reader, Bella666 United Kingdom +, writes (28 May 2007):

Bella666 agony aunt Hi I agree with AskEve on this. I think your partner has great insecurities which are more to do with himself than with you. I think he wants to trust you but finds it hard maybe because he's been hurt in the past or quite simply because it's just the type of person he is. Talking openly to each-other is the best thing to do, reassure him that he's the only one you want. Please get rid of that other guys number, something which can seem pretty harmless in your eyes can be a huge threat to someone with insecurities.

It's not about prooving yourself it's about him gaining trust, security & confidence. Tell him about this question you posted or even show him so he might understand a little more how serious you are about him & how much this is getting to you.

Finally good luck with this & I hope everything works out for you both xx

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A male reader, DV1 United States +, writes (28 May 2007):

DV1 agony auntI agree with Jamer... If he doesn't trust you, it's pointless. At the same time, Eve's right about you taking the guy's number. That wasn't necessarily the smartest move. You shouldn't be taking guys' numbers when you're in a relationship. That's downright disrespectful. That's a major trust barrier broken... At the same time, he shouldn't have been looking through your phone. You're both in the wrong. Try talking to him, and if he doesn't listen again, walk away.


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A female reader, AskEve United Kingdom +, writes (28 May 2007):

AskEve agony auntYour boyfriend has been very insecure in his relationship with you. Have you ever given him cause not to trust you before, he obviously has trust issues here. Knowing how he feels and if you really love him then having another guys phone number is a no no unless it's your brother or a family member. Put the shoe on the other foot, how would YOU feel if you seen a girl's phone number on his phone? Wouldn't you question him?

You probably never would cheat on him but he needs reassurance of that fact and seeing another guys number on your phone ISN'T reassuring (especially when you know how he feels.) Try and talk to him again about it (if you want him back.) Try sending him a card or a letter telling him how you feel about him and explaining to him who this other guy is. Tell him you have absolutely nothing to hide from him and miss him terribly. He needs to know he is the best thing since sliced bread to you and no guy comes close to him.


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A male reader, Jamer70 United Kingdom +, writes (28 May 2007):

Jamer70 agony auntTheres seems to be no point to this relationship.

You may love him but he doesnt trust you therefore doesnt truely love you back.

As they say relationships are built on trust and unless its a two way street it will never work out.

Tell him once more you are not cheating, if he is still paranoid. End It

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