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My boyfriend thinks I am cheating because I am 'too loose".

Tagged as: Big Questions, Cheating, Dating, Health, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 February 2014) 9 Answers - (Newest, 4 March 2014)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Help, my boyfriend, we've been together for 2 years and he thinks I'm cheating because I feel "loose", and I feel it to. We used to have sex everyday, but it began to lessen. Now we have sex once every two weeks, and even then I still feel loose, I don't know what's wrong with me, I've tried kegels!

I'm not active, but I'm just 18, what's wrong! ! I still am able to orgasm, and does too, but this is really starting to hurt my relationship, we've had problems before, so he's not just going to believe me.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2014):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

To the person with a large penis, I can definitely see your point and that is why I'm worried. It's just my word versus his. And I'm not one to accuse our anything, I feel that would just make things worse, why am I accusing him after he discovered I was more "loosened"

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2014):

I have to disagree due to personal experience. I have a slightly above average penis and my ex girlfriend cheated on me. The guy she slept with had a huge penis and the next time we had sex it felt noticeably different. It went back soon after.

Then a week or two later it felt the same as before. Turns out that she was with him a second time. Yes I dumped her.

Either way it's also my experience that vaginas feel different all the time.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2014):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hey everybody thank you so much for your answers, it's made me feel a lot better. Not only that but my eyes are a bit more opened!

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (24 February 2014):

So_Very_Confused agony auntyou need a smarter boyfriend... this one is a moron.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2014):

You're not looser OP, maybe the fact you only get it every fortnight means you're more aroused than you were with regular sex and your 'wide-on' is more profound.

It's probably the masturbation effect, OP. When me and my wife go through a mini dry spell and I only have my hand as a lover my penis becomes a tad less sensitive. The motion and grip is fast and hard to get the job done quickly and there is no vagina in the world as strong and tight as that grip so there is a noticeable difference.

I'm sorry but it's hilarious he thinks that's evidence of cheating, even if you do have a history that's not how the vagina works.

The problem you have here is a major trust issue, and you know what? One of the biggest signs of a person cheating is that they become paranoid that their partner is cheating, so maybe he's not as innocent as he makes out and is trying to deflect onto you.

Instead of trying to "fix" your snatch maybe you maybe you should be asking the guy why he doesn't trust you.

No woman's vagina is the same tightness every time you have sex, different circumstances and levels of arousal means that it can vary. Sex everyday with little foreplay can mean the vagina is tighter because the level of arousal before penetration is not as much as if you only have sex once in a while or with a big build up. Only someone with major trust issues would jump straight to the idea that there must have been a bigger penis inside there, and the fact you let him get away with thinking that means you too don't have the balls to stand up to him and call bullshit on the fact he doesn't trust you.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (24 February 2014):

CindyCares agony aunt Tell him that it's not your vagina that got looser, it's his penis which shrunk :).

I am surprised that you even take seriously his ignorance and misinformation. Your vagina is a sturdy, resilient, heavy duty muscular structure, at your age , and without ever having given birth, the only thing which could make it looser is a dynamite stick inserted in it. Ask any doctor .

I am with YouWish, what happened probably is that your bf is an inveterate frequent wanker and trained himself to only " feel " the iron- grip of his own hand. It was not so for the first times because of the novelty / excitement of a new sexual experience / new partner, then waned this first effect.. eh nothing feels as tight as a firm male grip :)

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (24 February 2014):

Honeypie agony auntWhat a dumb-ass !!(your BF)

Your VAGINA is a muscle. It doesn't get loose by having sex. That is like saying his penis got smaller because he had sex with someone.. it doesn't WORK that way, he logic is flawed and his ignorance of the human body is amazingly astounding.

I agree that he is probably jerking off WAY more then he used to. And he rather BLAME it on you then realize that HE is desensitizing his OWN penis.

I'm in my 40's and I do Kegels EVERY day - I have for over 25 years. I have 3 kids and a husband who doesn't complain about me being loose. Like I mentioned it's a muscle. Work it, not for your BF but for you. It can help on so many levels.

Why be with a guy who calls you a cheat? Who doesn't trust you? Who blames you for things that you can not control?

Sorry, I would say enough is enough. HE isn't going to stop accusing you.

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (24 February 2014):

YouWish agony auntIt's not that you're "loose", it's that your boyfriend's getting too used to the grip his hand gives, which is a common ailment of porn users or frequent masturbators. Kegels are designed to improve your orgasmic response, but you are made the way you are. Trying to get you to "tighten up" is like telling your boyfriend that his penis is too small and that he needs to exercise to grow a couple of inches longer and thicker.

Seriously: Penis size: Natural. Vagina size: Natural.

The only thing that could possibly affect the looseness to your vagina would be having kids, and even then over time the vagina returns to close its normal size, and anyone who would say that loose=cheating is a complete idiot. That's like telling him that occasional impotence equals cheating. Let me guess - he's had some ED, blamed it on your vagina's looseness, and then backed out of sex blaming you for his penis malfunction? Ugh.

Seriously - drop the guy. If he's criticizing your body saying that the size of your vagina, which you have zero control over, means you're cheating, then tell him it's the size of his penis, and then drop him.

Understand this, and don't forget - if he's accusing you of cheating and getting sexually distant, that is a MAJOR red flag that HE is cheating and blaming you so you don't get suspicious.

Either way, he doesn't deserve you. This is not about you.

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A male reader, CMMP United States +, writes (24 February 2014):

Your problem isn't your vagina, it's your boyfriend. He's insecure and there's not much you can do to change it since his feelings aren't based in reality.

Regarding your looseness, kegals take awhile, just like going to the gym. Speaking of going to the gym, if you are active, sex will improve.

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