A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyrfriend (whom I have lived with for the past year)and love dearly and who loves me dearly has scads of CD's with pictures of his ex-girlfriend on them. There are also pictures of his children on "most" of these CD's also, so that might be why he keeps them, but the fact that he has all these pictures of her is not really what bothers me. I know he had a life before me and I had one before him, too. That is not the problem. The problem is that he never takes pictures of me. And, this is a guy who goes around with a camera in his hand whenever there is a gathering or any event that calls for picture taking.Here is an example. The first Christmas he spent with his ex-girlfriend, there are 80 photos on a CD of the event. Thirteen of those photos are of her, the rest are of his kids and miscellaneous pictures. The first Christmas he spent with me, there are two whole CD's of pictures (haven't counted how many photos in all) and NONE of them are of me. Not one. I mentioned the fact to him and he acted startled like he didn't realize yet other holidays have come and gone and he still photographs everyone and everything but me.Yesterday was Mother's Day and we went to a gathering of his siblings and families at his mother's house. As usual, he is snapping pictures. We get home and I'm looking through the photos. As usual, every person there is in a photo but me. I blew up! I asked him if he thought I was ugly, if he had better times with her and wanted to record those moments or just what the heck the deal was. He got angry and refused to talk to me. He then said he was tired of hearing about it and he would just get rid of his pictures. I told him that I didn't want him to get rid of his memories. I just said I wanted him to make new memories with me. I kept asking him what he was thinking and "why" he never took any pictures of me and he wouldn't respond.He tells me I have no reason to be jealous of the ex because he can't stand her. He told me to forget her and I told him I would if he would. He said he already had and I told him that he had lots of pictures to remind him of her and he clammed up again.Can anyone figure out what is going on here? He certainly won't tell me what is on his mind. He was married for 20 years and his wife walked out on him leaving two kids at home with him, then he meets up with this ex girlfriend who takes him to the cleaners and racks up his credit card bills and leaves with another guy. He has not been treated well by women and I feel I have to prove myself daily that I love him and have the best of intentions. I know he loves me and he wants to trust me (although I think he is afraid to trust me completely). He is a very sweet, extremely kind hearted guy who always does for others before he does for himself. So, what is the psychology behind the picture taking thing?Our relationship is good but this is putting a strain on it and it would help if I just knew what his thinking is because he sure won't tell me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): I know what you are going through! My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. The first six months we were dating, I saw her picture eveywhere...there were dozens of photo albums of pictures of her in his den and photos on CD's and in files on his computer. I knew that he ended the relationship with her, but part of me kept questioning why he would still have all of these pictures of her if he had moved on. For months I felt insecure and uneasy about him going bacl to her. Those pictures made me feel like she had a place in his life that I could never have. He rarely took any pictures of me, but literally took pictures of everything else. To this day it still makes me wonder if he is ashamed of me.
Then one day, I finally told him I felt as if he were ashamed of me and that he has so many pictures of people in his past, it seems that he has not made room for his future with me. Then he made me sit down and look through the pictures. IEventhough looking through them might have made me feel jealous or hurt, it was better to know what the pictures were than continue to let my mind wonder. When i looked through the albums I found out they weren't just pictures of the ex, but pictures of everything that had happened in his life over the past few years. The albums went back almost twenty years. After months of feeling intimidated and hurt by his pictures he finally put them where they belonged, in the attic.
My point is that I know how you feel, it is intimidating to know that the man your in love with valued someone else. Women look far more into things than men do...a simple answer could be that his ex was excessively vain and always ask him to take a picture of her. Instead of being hurt by his actions, try to solve the problem by being proactive about getting pictures of the two of you together. He is with you now... she is his past, but you are his future.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): well...my boyfriend...whom i know loves me so much never takes pictures on his camera of me. it did kinda worry me a little bit. the truth is every time i am around we are together, and who wants to be taking pictures when it's time we can spend together. i used to take so many pictures before we got together. i still try too, but i do it in a hurry, b/c we have so much fun together. i know your situation is way different, but maybe, just maybe he could just be distracted by you? lol....idk...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): Sorry but this is his way of telling you that there is no future. Read the book "He Just Isn't that into You." Men are very simple creatures. If it looks like poo, smells like poo, and feels like poo... It's poo.
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A
female
reader, lifeisconfusing  +, writes (12 May 2008):
 at the end day you there with you boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend I think anyone would be worried about a partent have loads of picture of his ex and no you.Tell him things have got to changex
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