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My boyfriend snaps at me for stuff other people do?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 June 2012) 3 Answers - (Newest, 14 June 2012)
A female United States age 30-35, *hawtyinlove writes:

well ive been dating my boyfriend for about 4months now and he snaps at me alot. like one time i was messing with him and he snapped at me than apologized. he said sorry but his friend was getting on his nerves. i forgave him but he did it again. it makes me upset like he just thinks im nothing.. what should i do?

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A male reader, Ayan Ganguly India +, writes (14 June 2012):

Ayan Ganguly agony auntKeep your eyes & ears open and act in a pro-active manner with your bfriend...there are chances you might be ditched..confront him if he carries on with his behaviour and don't leave an oppurtunity to give him a piece of your mind..all the best

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (14 June 2012):

Honeypie agony auntWalk away. If you have already explained to him that you don't like him snapping at you for no good reason (and him being mad at friends is NOT a good reason to snap at YOU).

If you "just" keep forgiving it he will keep doing it.

And if he still keeps doing it even though he knows the consequence is you walking away, then maybe.. he isn't a keeper.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (14 June 2012):

Tisha-1 agony auntWhen he snaps at you, leave. Say brightly, "I'll see you later when you are in a better mood!" and then go home, or to the mall, or wherever. Just don't be in his presence when he's like this. Don't argue with him, don't bother reasoning with him.

If he's like this all the time, well then, you'll know that soon enough as you won't be spending any time with him.

If he has an anger issue, there's not much you can do about it.

What I've just described is a form of training. You ignore the behavior you don't want and encourage the behavior you do want.

If it's just a small snap, ask him quietly, after counting to ten in your head: "Were you snapping at ME or at someone else?"

He may not have your sense of humor or fun, so be aware that what you consider amusing 'messing with him' could be considered insulting by him. Why not ask him if that is the case, when you two are both calm and relaxed?

Be patient, be aware, this will crystallize one way or the other if you monitor his reactions and his behavior.

Good luck.

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