A
female
age
16-17,
anonymous
writes:I had a crush on a guy since the 6th grade. I'm now in the 12th grade and it's turned into a repressed lust/gargantuan crush. My heart skips 68923 beats when I see the kid and every other guy to me (even my current boyfriend) seems unworthy. I don't know what to do. I've always been shy and I never even got to find out what he thought of me. I pushed him away by going to extremes in order to gain his attention. We have rarely spoken but he's friends with many of my friends. I just want closure to this crap. What can I do? And why is it so heartbreaking?
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female
reader, Tisha-1  + ♥, writes (4 November 2009):
 You actually have a crush on the IDEA of him, not on the real guy. You know nothing about him except what he looks like and how he seems to behave in public. So you've got a crush on a fantasy. No real person can compete with a fantasy, so no wonder your boyfriend suffers by comparison.
When you mature a bit, you'll recognize this for what it is, wishful thinking for the perfect man.
Personally, I would work on seeing people for what they really are. Not in a judging way, just observing and trying to keep imaginary fantasies from seeing the actual person. Also, learning to talk to people rather than hiding behind shyness isn't a bad skill to have. I realize you might not want to destroy the image you've built up for so many years, and that's why you avoid him.
If you have such strong feelings, perhaps you should break up with your boyfriend and try to get to know this guy better. Whatever you do, be sure to treat your boyfriend with dignity and respect and do not stay with him if you do not really care about him, okay?
Good luck.
A
female
reader, Lexie88  + ♥, writes (4 November 2009):
 You've probably built this guy up so much that nothing and no one can be better than him. Because you don't know him well and you've had so much time to think about him your mind has created all these ideas about him.
You say you want closure. Does that mean you want to get over this and forget it?
The only way to do that is to face it. I think that you need to bite the bullet and somehow get to know this guy so that you can perhaps realize that he's not all that your mind had created him to be.
Back in high school I had this insane crush on an older guy and no one could compare to him. I had built him up so much and thought he could do no wrong. I slowly managed to be around him and his friends (through my friends) and I quickly realized that there was nothing special there. It made me feel so free to finally let go of the whole thing.
Your friends and his friends know each other...it can't be that hard to slowly make conversation and get to know him a little just as you would any other guy out there. He's not different or better than anyone else, try and not put him on a pedestal.
I think you need to find a way to resolve this and the only way is to get to know him and realize he's just a guy. Why is it heartbreaking? Because it's gone on for so long and your mind had created this picture of him that no guy can live up to, not even him.
I hope you sort it out :)
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