A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel like I have made so many changes for my relationship to work but I feel like my boyfriend hasn't really done anything and it's bugging me.My boyfriend grew up in Ireland, moving over here when he was 17 to stay with relatives. We met when we were both 21. Last year his grandad passed away, so we went over to Ireland for the wake. His family were lovely and I really got on with them. At the time I was 16 weeks pregnant and as his grandma had been diagnosed with cancer a few months before, we both felt his mother needed the support as she had lost her father and could lose her mother at any time. I agreed to move over there for the period of time I would be on maternity leave, but I made it clear I wanted to come back to England.Due to moving to Ireland I was unable to receive maternity pay from my employer so money was tight. My boyfriend worked with his dad on his building site, as this is what he did in England. His grandma passed in the summer, shortly after the birth of our child.The promise we made however seems to have been forgotten. My family have only seen our child 5 times since she was born due to the costs of flights and taking time off work. (Both my parents run their own business so taking time off isn't easy.) My sister is getting married in January and I'm made of honour but I haven't been able to help with wedding planning at all. I've agreed to stay until next summer at the latest and have a part time job to help with bills. But his grandma left her house to to be split between her 4 grandchildren and my boyfriend thinks we should buy a house with our share. I thought it would be a brilliant idea as it was something to aim for when we got back home but now he is looking at houses in Ireland rather then my home town. I've started to fall out with his family but I think it's just because I'm so home sick. But I've given up my job, my family and my friends on the promise that our move would only last a year at the most. My boyfriend says I need to get over it and we live here now but I hate it. I want to go home but I don't want to end it with him. I'm so torn. I have no friends here that are just my friends, no family and no links other then my boyfriend's family and friends. I do the same job over here as home but it's not the same. I can't explain it but it just isn't. Christmas is coming and I'm dreaded it as I won't see any of my family until January whereas when we live in England, we would fly over for New Year but we can't this year due to the costs.Help me please, I'm so torn between what to do.
View related questions:
money, period, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (21 November 2015):
 He is your BF, not your husband, so really he can't DICTATE where you live. (not that a husband can either, but still he is the father of your child but not committed to you trough a marriage)
If you are so miserable, then maybe it's time to consider whether you WANT to be with him or be closer to home. Because I don't think he will come with you if you move back home.
As someone who left home, family, friends, job, house behind I KNOW how hard it is. Specially if the "plan" was at some point to move back. We had the same plan (because I wanted to live in MY homeland, not America.) But 17 years later... We are still in America. I am still crazy home sick. We have made it work ( the difference is... we both gave up a lot to be with each other) In your case what has he given up? NOTHING. Is he willing to find ANY kind of compromise? Doesn't seem that way.
This is a choice only you can make. CAN you stay and make it work, or is it time to throw in the towel?
It has been a social norm that women give up THEIR family when married, they move out of their home, they give up their jobs, alter their bodies etc.. But this is 2015 and I can't see why HE should be the one to make all the choices, and just ignore how you feel and what you want.
My guess is that he was OK with the "plan" till he got back home, and realized just how much he rather live in Ireland. And now, he can't see living anywhere else. Which is understandable, but not very considerate. He isn't single any more. There are TWO people (and a baby) in this relationship. So you should BOTH have a say in this. Problem is... it's no longer his plan to go back, only yours.
|
