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My boyfriend says I just lay there during sex

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Question - (29 December 2008) 2 Answers - (Newest, 29 December 2008)
A female South Africa age 36-40, anonymous writes:

me and my boyfriend are together for 1year and 6months now. when we have sex i dont know how too participate with him, and he told me that the fact that i just lay there and dont do anything back makes him feel that he is having sex on his own. Please can you tell me what to do in this situation i dont want to loose him and i think if i dont get my act together then i will loose him.

please help.....

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A male reader, DoubleM United States +, writes (29 December 2008):

DoubleM agony auntSpecifically, you should move your hips in rhythm with his movements. In the missionary position (him on top), your range of motion is naturally somewhat limited, but you can still thrust your vulva upward as your man penetrates inward. Do this with enthusiasm. Another motion you both can apply is "grinding," which adds variety with a rotation motion. With practice, the grinding enhances sensation for both partners. Essentially, you swivel your hips as he swivels in the opposite direction.

Also in the missionary position you can vary your leg positions, such as hiking your legs above, which increases access to your vagina, often for deeper penetration. Again, this can also be varied, such as hiking only one leg. Of course, there are many position, such as "doggie-style, for vaginal penetration. A woman can add her movements in all positions.

A favorite for many is the cowgirl position, or woman-on-top, which allows the girl to assume most or much of the control in thrusting. You simply straddle your partner's erection and guide it into your vagina. Then place your hands aside his shoulders and begin bouncing your hips up and down with eagerness. He should thrust upward in unison. This position also offers a variety of opportunities for variation. It is easy and quite effective to grind in this position as well. Simply add a swivel motion while also thrusting.

Based on your posting, it would seem that more active participation on your part, including a bit of vocal passion, could add excitement to your love-making. Much of this comes naturally if a woman reaches orgasm during sexual activities, but that is a different issue.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2008):

I used to do the same thing. You need to truly think it over and figure out why you might not participate. Maybe you are shy or have a negative self image. or maybe you feel as though you wont be any good at it, or you could have some issues with trusting him thinking that he will judge you. Whatever the case may be you need to analyze it. find the problem and the solution will come easier. I found that my issues included most of those possible issues i listed. I felt shy I felt inexperienced I thought that if i tried and I was no good that he wouldnt want me or would judge me. i got over it participated and finally had some fun. Before I didnt really have a sex drive not until I let loose now I finally enjoy sex. I hopw this helps you. :)

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