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My boyfriend says he has no desire for sex because of arguments we've had in the past

Tagged as: Dating, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 May 2013) 2 Answers - (Newest, 18 May 2013)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I've been with my boyfriend for 1 1/2 years. In the beginning we were very sexual. Now, every time I get near him and touch him intimately, he jerks. He says he does not have the desire for sex. He has issues with finishing. I have my own issues, but they have never stopped me from being sexual. I am so scared and feel that I am wasting my time waiting on things to get better. I have asked him if he is attracted to me, yes. He says it is because of the arguments in the past. What is going on? Why does he not want me anymore. I have tried to talk to him and tell him it is important to be physically intimate, not just sexually but physically too.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2013):

You say you have your "own issues" and I'm guessing these are the source of conflict between you two.

What are your "issues"?

If he says his sexual disinterest is due to arguments in the past, is sounds like a trust issue. What happened? What did you fight about specifically?

"I have tried to talk to him and tell him it is important to be physically intimate, not just sexually but physically too."

I would add that it's important to be emotionally intimate as well. And I'm guessing from your vague post that it's the lack of emotional connection that is at the heart of your problems.

Without a little more disclosure on your part, we're all taking shots in the dark. Please share?

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A male reader, Yos Netherlands +, writes (17 May 2013):

Yos agony auntIt could be lots of things, he could be upset with you over something a long time ago and unable to let it go.

This is just a hunch but one thing in could be is porn. Don't shoot me for saying this but the symptoms of having trouble finishing, being irritable, not wanting sex and withdrawing emotionally are all symptoms of a pornography addiction. If that's the case you have a problem, since a guy with a porn addiction is unlikely to admit to it, and even more unlikely to want to stop.

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