A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My new bf gave me a regifted present! A mutual friend sent me a pic of his ex wearing this exact bracelet i received. Im so hurt and offended. I thought this person loved me. Who does such a thing? I am gutted.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2019): He showed his true colours, you're better off without him
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2018): Hello this is op. He was cruel at my concern she left it behind after using it no less. Returned the tv, left his bracwlet behind and am staying with a friend. Im pretty hurt and ashamed. He could have literally cared less.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (29 December 2018):
 Do you live with him?
If you do, maybe he thought he "had" you by the short and curly now, so he doesn't need to invest much in you or put in much effort...
Maybe it's time to find a place elsewhere to live. If you still want to date him, then do so, but I would do it from a "distance" of my own place.
(though honestly, I would date this guy... this is just shady behavior).
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 December 2018):
 Im speachless. This is just dumb of him. It doesnt take much social skills to understand that this is not appropriate. So unless he's on the autism spectrum, I would take it for what it is: an offense. That's what you're worth to him: left over from his ex.
It's writing on the wall. This is the standard. If you're happy with that, then stay. But it is quite obvious you are not happy. Telling him how stupid that was will not help, arguing about it will not help. He did this with intent, it was his purpose to gift you had, he didnt accidentally do it. So I think its time to realize that you and him are not a good match, and he needs to be with someone with little emotions and who runs more on logic and pragmatism. Because only such a person would not be bothered by this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2018): This is OP. Yes i made a huge mistake. I cant believe he tossed me leftovers. Ive known him 9 years but obviously not well. He says im ungrateful. I think im done here. It wasnt even silver or gold. The fact that she used it a few months is really insulting. Im so hurt.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (27 December 2018):
OK, that is thoughtless, cheap and quite frankly... inconsiderate.
It was HER bracelet and because she left behind he decided to re-gift it to you, so HE didn't HAVE to go buy you a present.
Sorry... no. That would not be OK with me. While I'm not saying he should throw it out or anything, I don't think it's OK to re-gift it to you WITHOUT telling you where it came from. What's next? She left lingerie? sex-toys? and you can have those too?!
Why would you buy a new TV for him? Because IF he is a new Bf you shouldn't be living together already... IMHO
If you are living with him... then I think you made a mistake in moving in WAYYYYYY too fast. You don't know him that well. Obviously.
If it was me, I'd give the bracelet back. I wouldn't want HIS EX's castoffs. No, thanks. And yes, I would re-consider this relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2018): I agree with you, if my boyfriend gave me a gift his ex had once had i would be seriously piddled off and upset. You are his girlfriend and his ex is just that so presents should not in my opinion be something he once gave her.
But others see no big deal in it so really it boils down to how you view it. I guess if you live in an area where it is highly likely you all see each other then people talk, i can only guess that there is more to it than the bracelet why your friend is not keen on your boyfriend and thinks you can do better...
I would not be happy, especially if the relationship you are in is a supposed committed one and you see a future long term together BUT i will state this it shows he is not bothered about her to have given it you so in that respect it would seem he was simply giving you an unwanted gift....
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (27 December 2018):
 It sounds like your boyfriend is a tad lazy and thoughtless. Even when confronted, he sees nothing wrong with his behaviour.
However, buying a tv for you two to share and then expecting a gift if similar value from him in return is a tad materialistic to me. I don't give presents (especially shared ones) with the expectation of getting a present back of similar value. Giving should be unconditional.
If you are truly upset about this present, why not suggest to your boyfriend that he sells it (or even gives it to charity) and buys you something which is meant for YOU.
I am still highly suspicious of the "mutual friend". What are the chances of you bumping into the ex while wearing the bracelet? Even if you did, is it a "one off"? Would she even notice it? Your friend is a trouble causer in my book.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2018): Hello this is OP. It was stainless steel but not the part that hurt. Its the exact one. The ex left it behind and he gave it to me for Christmas. This friend said i should know because she said im too good for him and it was a matter of time Id bump into the ex(we all live in the same area) and get embarrassed publically. My bf said its no big deal. Im so hurt because I thought he woukd shop with me in mind, not to save a buck when i just bought us a new TV. Hes not that poor.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2018): Why not tell your bf that you have been told that the bracelet belonged to his ex and ask him why he took back from her? Maybe he has an explanation. In my book it is not right to ask back the gifts you give an ex when you break up. Maybe she refused to keep it when they broke up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2018): Only a very jealous friend would do something so venomous! If your feelings were important to that mean-spirited individual, who went out of their way to steal the joy out of your gift; they would have simply minded their own business.
If you do decide to dump the boyfriend, dump that catty friend as well!
If the bracelet is an expensive piece of jewelry; he can't wear a woman's bracelet. Even if he gave it to a family-member, it would have been re-gifted.
Being gutted about it might be a bit dramatic don't you think?
Some people pay a lot of money for reconditioned Rolex watches, antique jewelry, and there are diamonds and jewels passed-down through generations. Many guys give their fiances or wives heirloom jewelry and rings. It was all worn before. Large stones are often passed from one owner to another. The point is, they are "re-gifted!"
Would I care if a 12-carat diamond was worn by somebody else before it was given to me? Even 2 carats is nothing to sneeze at. If who wore it first bothers you, more power to you sister! Give it back!
If the bracelet is an expensive charm bracelet, you can add charms to it to make it your own. If there are precious stones in it, or it's high-quality gold or platinum; I know several classy women who would take it off your hands.
I'm not one to care where a gift from Tiffany's, Cartier, or some other reputable jeweler comes from. Once it's in my possession, whether 2nd-hand or not...IT'S MINE!
Okay, some people feel re-gifting is a bad deal. Not if the gift is of high-quality and valuable. Have you ever purchased a used car? Moved into an apartment after somebody else moved-out? Used the very same shower and toilet they used? That's worse! I don't care how much bleach and detergent you scrubbed with, somebody used it before! Do you go to public toilet facilities? If you have, why would a re-gifted ring "gut" you?
I hope he's not saving for an engagement ring, and this was just a prelude to his future plans. Maybe he plans to use his mother's ring! Now he knows how you'll feel about it! He also knows what kind of people you choose to call your friends.
I don't look a gift-horse in the mouth, and I have a rich boyfriend. If he decides to drop a nice gift on me, and some jackass shows me some pic of a past "trick" wearing it; I'd flash it all the more! I know quality when I see it, and that's fine with me! It's the thought that counts, and whom in their right mind would dispose of a perfectly fine piece of jewelry? Unless it was some cheap piece of costume jewelry or tacky trinket. As long as it was brand new, would that be fine?
If you feel offended, sell it and give the money to charity.
Maybe it will make you feel better. It would sure make that jealous friend feel happy to know she spoiled it for you!
I don't think he had ill-intentions in-mind. I think the nasty person who destroyed your happiness is a snake in the grass! That's just me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2018): How about getting no present from your boyfriend? Like me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2018): Guys are just like that they cannot help it.He had a bracelet.It cost him money.The regifting never crossed his mind.He saw it as a gift..who has it last did not matter to him because this gift has value.Do not give it back like she did it is not an engagement ring.Keep it.Even if you break up keep it.I do all the gift buying at my house hubby cannot handle it.Give the guy a break.Some guys are not good gift buying.Some guys do not get emotionally attached to things like us girls.So enjoy your gift.The friend that told you about this needs to pound rocks...this is none of the friends beeswax.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (26 December 2018):
Fist and foremost, I would question what sort of "friend" makes a point of telling you something which will upset you or, at least, make you question your relationship with your boyfriend. What were their motives? What do they stand to gain from stirring up trouble?
Next, I would want to know whether this is THE same bracelet (i.e. as in the very one he original gave to his ex and then got back somehow) or whether he just bought you the same bracelet because HE likes it or because he thought YOU would like it because his ex liked it. Some men are not very imaginative or good at picking out jewelry. He might just have a "one size fits all" mentality. After all, he would probably not have thought his "friend" would stir things like this.
If it does turn out to be the same bracelet he gave his ex, you need to decide how much of a deal breaker it is for you. Everyone is different. Personally it would not bother me, unless there was something creepy going on with the ex (in which case I would not be dating the guy in the first place) but then I am not touchy about things like that and hate to see waste so would be fine with "recycling" a bracelet or other gift which would not have touched "intimate areas" of another person.
Everyone is different. If this bothers YOU, you need to discuss it with your boyfriend and reach a compromise with which you are both happy. Personally I think you should be concentrating on the "mutual friend" who is really a friend to NEITHER of you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2018): A friend who wants to upset you, by stirring.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 December 2018):
Are you sure it's re-gifted? And not just similar? He might have thought that because the EX had liked her, you would like the same. Maybe because he doesn't know you that well he thought that the EX had good taste, he could repeat the giving a great present.
Some men are notoriously stupid when it comes to buying presents.
If it is re-gifted... I'd re-think the relationship. Because that is super lazy and low.
So either he is an idiot OR a super idiot, not worth dating...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2018): I doubt he meant anything to hurt you by giving it to you. I have a Christmas gift meant for my ex that was reasonably expensive and can’t be returned. It feels wrong to throw it away. It would be better if it could make someone happy. I don’t have a gf now, but giving it to a friend or family member has definitely crossed my mind. I imagine your bf has had this bracelet (which was probably expensive) since he ended things with his ex and doesn’t know what to do with it. If he thinks you don’t know where it came from, he probably genuinely thought it would make you happy which is better than throwing it away. BUT, personally I think it is a bad gift for you (his gf) regardless of his intentions. Whenever I see the gift I got for my ex, I think about her and I feel sad. I can’t imagine that feeling going away any time soon. Maybe it depends how long they were together, how long ago they broke up, etc.If I were you, I would explain to him that, although it is a nice gift, you don’t want him thinking about his ex every time he sees you. Then maybe (after discussing it with him) you could pawn it or give it to charity or something.
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