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My boyfriend of four years won't propose!

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 May 2006) 8 Answers - (Newest, 9 July 2010)
A female , anonymous writes:

My boyfriend of 4 years won't propose with no apparant rationale for the delay. His younger sister just became engaged ahead of us to someone she has dated only one year. I specifically told him this scenario, if it came to pass, would upset me. I learned about it from a family memeber, and he is concealing it from me. What do I do?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2010):

Same situation as all above but nothing was wrong until SOCIETY, AKA EVERYONE ELSE started getting married, asking when we were, why hasn't he proposed yet, what is he waiting for? Doesn't everybody think that I want that more than anything??? Does anyone have an appropriate answer? Because when I ask him, he says that I cannot control everything (as I do love surprises) and if I keep dwelling I will ruin it" But really, how much more can somebody take??? I guess when you love somebody you just have to trust the fact that they love you back. As all the stupid money maker books say, if it is meant to be it will work out. It stinks when you believe in something so strong but are having butterflys about their feelings. Does that mean you have doubts in them? Or is it that you are just self conscious?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2010):

Same situation as all above but nothing was wrong until SOCIETY, AKA EVERYONE ELSE started getting married, asking when we were, why hasn't he proposed yet, what is he waiting for? Doesn't everybody think that I want that more than anything??? Does anyone have an appropriate answer? Because when I ask him, he says that I cannot control everything (as I do love surprises) and if I keep dwelling I will ruin it" But really, how much more can somebody take??? I guess when you love somebody you just have to trust the fact that they love you back. As all the stupid money maker books say, if it is meant to be it will work out. It stinks when you believe in something so strong but are having butterflys about their feelings. Does that mean you have doubts in them? Or is it that you are just self conscious?

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A female reader, noniberry United Kingdom +, writes (7 February 2009):

Some guys just drag their feet forever. What’s up with that? There’s a pretty hilarious post by Lisa Daily who wrote the dating book, HOW TO DATE LIKE A GROWN-UP about acting like a car salesman to get your man to propose here: http://lisadaily.com/datingexperttv/2008/11/proposal/

Couldn't hurt, might help…

Good luck, and I hope that you find the happiness you are looking for with your man...

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A female reader, camie United Kingdom +, writes (7 May 2007):

I know exactly where you are although I'm in a worse position (7 years & waiting!). I think some of the replies below saying you should just up & leave are a little niave as its so much easier said than done especially if you have financial ties together like a house etc plus it takes an enormous amt of courage to leave a relationship you have heavily invested in. I think you're the only person who knows in your heart what the right thing to do is. So you'll know if the relationships is right or not. No one replying to your mail knows, you've just got to think long and hard about it. I have the same issue in that all my friends have well bi-passed me - most on their 2nd children. It makes me feel so horrible & although in some ways I have more in my relationship that a lot of others, I still feel well why doesnt he want to shout to the world that I am the woman he wants! My boyfriend and I have done so much in the past few years & have travelled a lot & worked abroad. My views are very much that I want to experience the world and then not lead the existence that so many of my friends do - the same thing day in day out so actually up until about a year ago I was quite happy in my existence but now that I'm 34 I'm ready to settle & have children. I'd actually prefer NOT to be married if it meant humdrum. Having said all that I am now offically DONE with waiting. We've had 3 nice weekends away in the past 2 months, none of which had a proposal attached to them although HE brought up the conversation and discussed when/ where we'd get married & that he would propose soon - but I cant wait for his 'right opportunity'forever. I seem to be so down about it all now & hurt because I know there is so much pressure from every angle (friends/family etc). So next weekend I'm just getting up and going to brighton for the w.end. I'm going to just chill out on my own and think properly about what to do. But what I've found is there is no point in giving a guy a shock if you dont intend to follow through. So I have spoken to a friend and she has told me that I have a room in their house for a week, a month or 5 months if I need it. Its a huge relief to know that I will have somewhere to go if it comes to it. I suggest you talk to a good friend and have some sort of similar fallback if you are about to jump ship so to speak. I firmly believe in the whole if it is mean to be it will be so have faith in that. If its not then at least you'll have a chance to start again, scary and all as it may be. I only wish I'd been brave enough to get up and do this before now but its better late then never. Good luck...xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2006):

Same boat, i never really talked about it with my boyfriend and then four years went by and everyone was getting engaged an married and it never came up. Then i started thinking "whats going on? is it me? am i just being paranoid i mean we have a great relationship and everything... then people would ask if i was engaged..no how long have you two been together?... 5 years.. it not going to happen ... then i start thing shit... i'm in my early 30's a its so hard to bring up the topic with him with out getting angry about it... he keeps saying i want to marry you and yes i want to have kids.. it's like well when then?? i mean we are in our early 30's and i don't want to be 40 looking after a toddler... i understand that it isn't a race but women do have a clock and do have to put up with all the questions... it so fustrating people tell me to break up with all the time... i mean just a time frame would be nice you know

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A female reader, Angel ron +, writes (6 May 2006):

Angel ron agony auntSounds to me thguy doe not respect you . you must tell him its either make or break tiem he can't just use you like that. It sounds to me unfair the way you have been treated. If he won't propose then just leave him without telling him and meet somebody else who wants the same thing as you do

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A female reader, StarNews +, writes (6 May 2006):

StarNews agony auntIf you feel ready for marriage, I would move on, because he isn't ready. It may open his eyes. But the only way you will know is to make it clear what you want from the relationship, let go of him, and get on with your life. If he doesn't come back, then you have your answer.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2006):

It's not a race. There's no point in getting married unless you are both ready, and clearly he isnt. You have to make the choice as to whether he's worth waiting for. If the answer's yes, it's true love. If it's 'er, I'm not sure', then it's not and you are just desperate to get married. As I said, it's not a race.

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