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My boyfriend of 4 years doesn't show he cares. Now I'm getting interested in someone else!

Tagged as: Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 November 2005) 8 Answers - (Newest, 30 April 2008)
A male , anonymous writes:

I have had a boyfriend for the last 4 years. I love him and he says he loves me. But he never shows me any commitment.

He works on the oilrigs so we do not see each other that much. He never rings me when he is away and when he is home he goes straight to the pub and does not ring me to tell me he is back. He has only been to my house 8 times in 4 years.

We were going out the other night and he refused to pick me up, so I had to walk three miles to his house. I am now doubting this relationship.

The other night he said that he wanted us to be together forever, but he was drunk as usual. But he has suprised me, asking me to go on holiday with him and he is paying. I am worried that, even though we have been going out for 4 years, I hardly know him.

Recently I have fancied a lad at work. He is everything I want in a man. He is kind, considerate, sensitive, caring and has a good sense of humour. I think he likes me. He bought me gold earrings and a gold chain for my birthday and he said that he cared for me.

I don't know what to do. Please help me. Thanx

View related questions: at work, drunk, on holiday

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008):

No woman should have to walk anywhere to see her man if he is capable of picking her up; even is he couldn't pick you up he should have walked. I say dump him first and then start talking to that man you work with.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2008):

Well HOney first off, i think you Should definitely dump ur boyfriend, i know it will be hard but...

He Really doesnt love you, its probably lust, or he loves you but he is too wrapped up in drinking to notice, therefore he doesnt love you enough.

Please dont let anyone take advantage of you, if the man at work is sweet and charming then you dont have to jump into a relationship u take control of your actions and just go with it, dont commit yourself right away cause if he is a good man like you say...

Its woth the wait, just take your time have fun and enjoy life.....Much Lovee,

LadyC

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2006):

I agree, get rid!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2006):

DUMP HIM!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2005):

Dump your boy friend, I do not think he even in love with you or loves you.

This relation is not normal something totally wrong.

I would not let my girl friend walk 3 miles to her house this is sick.

This man have no respect for you.

Go on in your life and find some one who cares when you need him and will be their for you,

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A female reader, fairyangel South Africa +, writes (3 December 2005):

fairyangel agony auntNo way, my girl... you have to dump this guy right now, before you ruin your chances with Mr. Wonderful at work, who must care for you a lot.Dont even waste time on the holiday thing with this creep, your time is precious, use it wisely.

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A female reader, Bobbyjo United Kingdom +, writes (1 December 2005):

Bobbyjo agony auntYou really need to get rid of your boyfriend, if thats what you can call him. No respecting, loving boyfriend who genuinely cares for you would make you walk 3 miles to see him when he could easily come and pick you up. It seems that because he works away, he may have no time in looking for a girlfriend when hes home and is using you because he currently cant get anyone else.If you dont act now you may lose the opportunity with this other man, who seems to really care for you. You may not get another chance to find happiness again and you will be stuck in this unloving, hardly non-existent relationship and then you will always be thinking about the "what ifs". You need to call it a day with your boyfriend and start to enjoy being treated like a human by your new man, instead of like a dog. Who knows - if your boyfriend does love you then he may see this as a wake up call and realise what an idiot hes been. But at the moment you are just something that is there for him and he is walking all over you and hurting you and its not worth it, you deserve to be treated better than that.

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A male reader, J. +, writes (1 December 2005):

Honestly, I have no idea why, but the loss of showing love, commitment, happiness doesn't mean he doesn't care. I am now on a break from my g/f because of that and also other things. I am not too sure of why I didn't show all of that emotion toward the end, but I think it was because I was not happy with what I was doing with my life. I was glad to have her, but also tired and angry from work. Also I felt like I was doing the same thing and getting no where in life. So it doesn't mean he's not interested anymore. As far as the 8 visits. Maybe he just wants you to come over his place b/c he's lazy?

I think the holiday trip would be a great chance to talk to him and figure out what's going wrong with the relationship. See if he's willing to admit to the problem, and he may be willing to change for the better. I'd say don't just give up and give it one more try.

As far as the fella at work, he sounds like a nice guy. But if he knows you are in a relationship, even if you're having problems he should be repectful and not try to put the moves on you until he knows that you and you boyfriend are completely through.

I don't know if this info will help you at all, but I'm just giving my honest opinion about things. I can be right or wrong. But I wish the best to you.

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