A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and i have been going out 3 months now, but hes never bought me anything. i know it seems petty, but it does bother me. he hasn't ever offered to buy me anything, as little as a coffee or something and i hate seeing my friends spoiled rotten by their guys, treating them to the theatre and roses and stuff. it does get to me and were having problems right now. then today i met up with another guy and he wouldnt stop offering to buy me things all day. should it be an issue that my boyfriend never does? he goes to a public school and is fairly well off. plus, im skint atm and the other day he persuaded me to come to the cinema with him even though i had absolutely no money. he texted saying he would pay if i came, which shocked me, but i declined out of politeness then when we got there he said nothing about it and wached me counting pennies to pay for my ticket. he does this a lot, where hes all talk but then never acts on it. is this just the same with pretty much everyone?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2010): I don't believe in man paying for absolutely everything, after tree months of dating,n but little things like movie or icecream, or little dinner here and there absolutely.
Don't regect his offer to pay, then expect him to pay for your ticket.
I just was seeing a guy who insisted that we would split everything when we go out. He was talkimn about how women wanted independence and now they expect men to pay for them, mixing everything up, that happened 50 years ago.
I liked him in a beginning but after that argument that we had that we need to
split the bill, i can't make myself seeing him anymore. I told him that, and he started talking how women always want men to do things for them. I just droped a converstaion saying that i it's not going to work
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 July 2010):
 If this is so important to you why did you start dating him?
But yeah, stop being fakely polite. You wanted him to pay the ticket, you didn't even have money for it, and he offered to pay. LET HIM. He might just think that you are an independent woman who will get offended if he pays for you.
The best way to go about this is if you have someone else talk to him on your behalf. Do you have any good friends in common that you can trust? It will be odd if you just tell him "I want you to start paying for me and getting me things". What would be better is if a friend of yours just casually tell him that it would make you very happy and feel like a real girlfriend if he spoils you a little.
Or you could carefully hint that girls like to be spoiled now and then.
Be careful about being jealous of others though. You only see a part of the picture. Some men can spoil a woman in the beginning just to woo her and then drop the act all of a sudden. It is better then to have someone who is consistent, who gives you gifts and spoils you a little every now and then. Maybe give him more time to show you his generous side. 3 months in you are still in the stage where you learn about each other and everything is new. He probably doesn't know yet how you want it, and thinks you don't way him to pay.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2010): It isn't unreasonable at all that you should want your boyfriend to be caring and nurturing. I don't think you are asking him to spoil you as such,just to be more considerate, without HIM asking you, IF you want him to pay for you, so of course out of politeness, you say you'll pay for yourself.
It's a very clever tactic - my feeling here is, that if he genuinely wanted to pay for you once in a while, he would just DO IT, and not ask you, or IF he does ask you, and you reply with your usual, he would say NO, let me treat you this time.
He is obviously very young, as you state he's at public school, however, one would think that his parents might have instilled some good old fashioned chivalry in him.
I know it's probably a difficult one to talk to him about, but three months, and he still has taken YOU OUT, I'm not sure he ever will, he sounds quite set in his ways with this. I suspect you will either talk to him about it, and explain you don't expect to be paid for all the time, but once in a while it would be nice to be taken out, and NOT have to count out money from your purse whilst he stands looking on.
I presume he is well aware you don't have the same financial expenditure as him..and if he does, well, it doesn't demonstrate a very generous nature on his behalf.
I have to say in my experience, and with my clients too, most guys like to pay for and treat their girlfriends every so often, as it brings about the real man/woman thing, the man being protective and nurturing, good qualities for a man to have. I'm afraid the notion of being equal, and sitting at a table, he pays for his share, the girl hers, somewhat removes the masculine/feminine dynamics which has always worked well.
Ultimately I think you might have to move on if you want a more naturally thoughtful, nurturing boyfriend.
Take care..
Jilly x
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2010): You shouldn't have to ask this guy to buy you anything...when he wants to buy you something he will. Also, you have only been dating for three months so don't expect too much.
Also, stop watching what guys are doing for your friends ok? My best friend was married to a guy who gave her the world in a material sense, they had BMW's, a house and several condos, they took exotic vacations, BUT he was a cheater and had a child with another woman while they were married...finally after ten years of marriage, the guy ran off with one of the women he cheated with to another country and took well over three hundred thousand dollars with him and only left $10,000 for my bf to care for they're son...who by the way is handicap. If he treats you well such as being respectful, not cheating, spending time with you, just focus on those things first and foremost and then address that issue with him. Some people are just cheap...I have a cousin who is that way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2010): Sweetheart, guys aren't mind readers, in fact they respond best with clear messages. When he offers to pay, and you say no, he thinks because it is what YOU said, it is what you want. Don't say no I'll pay for myself, and then moan about it.
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