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My boyfriend masturbates next to me in bed and wakes me up, and gets defensive when I ask him to stop...

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Question - (12 July 2010) 11 Answers - (Newest, 19 July 2010)
A female United States age 26-29, *atreeRose writes:

I have been with my current boyfriend for a little over one year. We are very much in love, and have a great sex life, but once in a while have a good argument about eachother's peeves. One that I am CONSTANTLY arguing with him about is the fact that he wakes me up in the middle of the night sometimes while he's masturbating. I consider it rude and inconsiderate, since I am a light sleeper and it ALWAYS wakes me up. I mean it bounces the whole bed. I work two goddamn jobs and need my sleep! I catch him doing it about once a month.

I am not bothered by the fact that he's masturbating, in fact I know he does it every night we don't have sex (usually in the bathroom) before he goes to bed. Especially when I'm on my period. It's the fact that I am lying right next to him, and we live in a studio apt so it's not like the bathroom isn't 5 feet away. His argument has been, "It would defeat the purpose if I got up to go in the bathroom...I do it so I can fall asleep", "I'm sorry you get offended but I'm a guy and it's just gonna happen" (that's my least favorite excuse) or "That's bullshit that I can't masturbate in my own bed!"

Besides all of that, if I don't catch him in time he comes into whatever socks are lying around and then drops them on the floor, usually leaving them there for days. I think he's being rude by doing all of this, it is OUR bed, not just his, and I need to get as much sleep as possible. I just want him to go in the bathroom and "take care of it" instead of doing it right next to me in bed and waking me up every single time. I just want to get some opinions and maybe relating stories, from guys and girls.

View related questions: period, sex life

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A female reader, NatreeRose United States +, writes (19 July 2010):

NatreeRose is verified as being by the original poster of the question

NatreeRose agony auntYeah, that's what my point is too. I work 2 jobs and need the sleep, and where I live there are NO disturbances. Before he moved in, I always got a full night's sleep (I am one cranky bitch when I don't get my 6 hours. Honestly, him waking me up a few times a month because of annoying habits is heaven compared to trying to sleep one night w/o him... still annoying though). I live on a dirt road, no sirens, no trains, nothing but crickets and the occasional coyote (I said I was a light sleeper, would I have it any other way!?). I do agree that revenge is wrong, albeit tempting, but is completely not in my nature. So it probably won't happen. Oh well, he has his fantasies, I have mine ;).

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (18 July 2010):

Miamine agony auntAh heck... nope, I'm not reasonable... I LIKE ME SLEEP and get mean and angry when anyone messes with it..

I fight nasty when people mess with me and me dreamland.. grrrrrrr

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (18 July 2010):

chigirl agony auntAnti, there is a time and place for revenge, and when a woman on numerous occasions has been placed on the very edge of what is tolerable... bad things will happen. Beware men. Bad things will happen. They don't call it "beauty sleep" for nothing ;)

Person12345: brilliant lol

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (17 July 2010):

Miamine agony auntYea.. maybe revenge aint a good idea.. but a lack of sleep is more than a deal breaker, it's life threatening...

Will he listen if you talk to him again and explain how distress your starting to feel,

mmmm.. it's not revenge though, it's trying to show him how it feels to be as sleep deprived as you, so he can understand and change his behaviour.

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A female reader, person12345 United States + , writes (17 July 2010):

person12345 agony auntThis is incredibly inconsiderate and selfish. You should stand your ground on this. If a guy did that to me and gave those excuses his butt would be out the door so fast he couldn't even put his pants on. And those "excuses" are just that. Chigirl already has them all covered on why they're total B.S. Good idea to wake up one night and blast your music (something super girly and annoying). Explain you need it to fall asleep and that it's bullshit you can't play music in your own apartment and that you're a girl, it's just gonna happen.

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A female reader, NatreeRose United States +, writes (17 July 2010):

NatreeRose is verified as being by the original poster of the question

NatreeRose agony auntHA! That's too good... I actually really considered blasting the radio as revenge. Or just dumping a pitcher of ice cold water on him juuuust as he's falling asleep afterwards. I'm at the point where I don't even want to fight about it anymore, just give him a lil taste of what he's given me ;)

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (16 July 2010):

Miamine agony auntOne of the posts just gave me an idea... sex shops sell cock rings with padlocks... you could keep the key and get some sleep.. :P

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (15 July 2010):

Miamine agony auntDamn, just a rant, that means your not going for the revenge... pity really, I got 101 ideas for men who behave badly... sigh... if you change your mind, I can help you to teach him how to behave, or we can just punish him for fun... lol(wink)

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A female reader, NatreeRose United States +, writes (13 July 2010):

NatreeRose is verified as being by the original poster of the question

NatreeRose agony auntThanks guys... actually pretty helpful replies! Yes, anti, I am sure it isn't because he is not satisfied with our sex life. He is very open and honest, and expresses to me frequently how much I satisfy him sexually. Coincidently this usually does happen when I'm raggin' it, which is the longest we go without having sex (4 days, 5 max). That is also one of his excuses.. but just because I'm "broken" doesn't mean I'm completely out-of-business! I satisfy him in other ways. But all I want is for him to be more considerate. I guess this post was more of a rant than a request for advice... haha! Thanks again for the replies guys, I love hearing feedback on something I usually have to hold inside (I am miles from home and have no friends to console in. Boo hoo :) )....

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (12 July 2010):

chigirl agony auntThat is inconsiderate. He needs to respect that you need sleep, and if he needs to masturbate to sleep he should do it before he goes to bed. Really, maybe he should take sleeping pills? I don't think he gets what the problem really is.

"It would defeat the purpose if I got up to go in the bathroom...I do it so I can fall asleep" - Then he should do it before he goes to bed.

"I'm sorry you get offended but I'm a guy and it's just gonna happen" - he is allowed to masturbate, that isn't the problem at all...

"That's bullshit that I can't masturbate in my own bed!" - Sure he can! Just not while you lie in it too trying to sleep! That would equate to you playing music at night that wakes him up, insisting you are allowed to because it is your stereo... Duh.

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (12 July 2010):

Miamine agony auntTell he's is a inconsiderate jerk, most men have manners and go into the bathroom..

If that dosen't work, get up and put on the light and take a picture of him masterbating, and tell him your gonna stick it up on the internet. Or you could try waiting untill he goes to sleep and throw cold water on him to wake him up, and put the radio up real loud.

He's a jerk, if he did such things to me, he'd be frightened to ever go to sleep again.. People who lack sleep can committ murder.

Stand your ground honeypie, the man is selfish.

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