A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend likes to choke me during sex. I told my female friend this and she said "thats hot" Is this normal? Why do people like this? Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Bella_Babe57  +, writes (11 June 2008):
 It gives him a sense of control and power, and seeing you in a helpless state, gets him off. I, personally think its hot, but reading the other answers im a bit concerned. During sex, when a girl is submissive and powerless, which is only usually during rape. Hopefully this isnt what is turning him on, otherwise there might be a problem eh?Be careful ok!xx
A
male
reader, Badbadman +, writes (10 June 2008):
Just saw your post, but I wanted to add this.
"Normal" is what makes sense for you. Some women find choking extremely hot. My previous experience with choking comes from women asking to be choked. For them, it intensified their orgasms immensely and it gave them a certain feeling of being controlled (at least during sex). Mind you, these are very powerful, professional women who had great careers. They just needed to let go during sex and be a little submissive. It was fun for them and that was it.
As for why people like this, it really is just a personal matter. Many people in sex want to assume a role they would never assume in the outside world. Some people, especially ones who work in a very high-powered environment just want a situation where they can relax and be old what to do. Its simply a matter of balance. You can't be Type A all the time.
As for you, just make sure you are comfortable with the whole choking thing. Its always important to want to please your partner, but only if it makes you feel comfortable as well.
If its OK with you, make sure that you have a safe word or safe "tap" to let him know that he is getting too rough. The agreement between me and the women who enjoy this is a hard tap on my arm. This lets them know that what we are doing is completely safe and controlled.
If this isn't something that you want, then tell your boyfriend that this is making you feel uncomfortable and find another way to turn him on. I'm sure there is more than one way.
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A
female
reader, runawayitscory1 +, writes (12 March 2008):
 ive been is this kind of situation... sometimes guys express how they feel in a very physical way.. sometimes too physicall..obviouslyy he really feels good when hes having sex with you.. and this is good. but if hes hurting you.. or if he does it to strongly to the point where u cant breathe.. tell him to stop imediately.. see how he takes it. if he keeps doing it and it hurts you or bugs you.. even after you tell him to stop.. its not worthitt. this could be a dangerous situation.. or it could be harmless. just be careful. and dont let it get to far
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008): What it is has already been answered BUT leaving out on vital bit, so I will attempt to explain it properly.
It is NOT S&M strictly speaking.
The idea is that the reduced bloodflow to your head and resulting oxygen starvation will cause you to feel lightheaded, possibly hightening the feelins of sex and orgasm.
This makes it clear why it is NOT part of S&M strictly speaking because it is the person being CHOKED who is supposed to get the pleasure and NOT through pain.
It therefor something YOU should request if you want it. Not something that HE wishes to do. If it is for HIS enjoyment to choke YOU then it is simple SADISM.
This again is NOT S&M, S&M is mutual, a sadist and a masochist. SADISM is one way.
If your female friend thinks it is hot, then that is her choice. Everyone has different tastes.
If you don't like it, then don't do it. Remember the entire theory about lack of bloodflow is supposed to be about YOUR enjoyment, not his. So if you don't enjoy it, there is no point apart from him being a scary sadist you should stay clear off.
Remember, this is not like spanking, your ass will heal even from the most violent trashing, but it ain't called oxygen starvation for nothing, your braincells are DYING! Wait that is wrong, THEY ARE DEAD! Sure, drinking will do the same and it all depends on how far you are choked but if there is an effect it is because your body is lacking oxygen and that is not a good thing.
So people are choked because they think having their brain die on them feels hot and people choke because they are sadists and want to hurt you badly.
My advice, get the fuck away from this freak. If he wants to make you experience a super orgasm buy him a vibrator and tell him to go to work between your legs for an hour or so. That will feel a lot better and doesn't kill you.
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A
female
reader, Gena Bullock +, writes (11 March 2008):
 Get another boyfriend. Any man who wants to use force is a control freak and you don't need that in your life. This is physical violence in the makes. Be careful.
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A
female
reader, Gemini1506  +, writes (11 March 2008):
As long as he dont go to far
and you dont mind it
then its fine
x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): Similar to the choking game where people have died. If you don't like it, tell him to stop and to never do it again.
There is only so much pleasure one get from sex. Doing bizarre things to get the sense that it is more pleasurable is only taking unwarranted risks.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): I suggest a safeword in case it gets out of control, and remember that word well!
In any case, if you dont enjoy it, you could ask him to stop all together
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): It's supposed to make it more enjoyable for you upon orgasm, due to the lack of blood flow during the build up, then the release upon climax. It's mainly part of the S&M scene. If you don't like it tell him, it may be that he likes to be dominant during sex. If you do then enjoy just make sure though that things don't get out of control, have a password (something you would never normally say) or a particular gesture that says enough is enough.
Lots of people like this type of thing, so it's you and your boyfriend are not weird!
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A
female
reader, Annalisa +, writes (11 March 2008):
 I don't think it's normal for him to enjoy choking you, unless you enjoy it!
Some people enjoy the feeling of asfixiation (I hope I spelled it right!)... Basically, the lack of oxygen to the brain makes you feel light headed and can intensify your orgasm. I used to love holding my breath to achieve this, but it's something you need to be in control of.
If you don't like it and he freaks you out, tell him not to do it!
He should aim to please you, not strangle you!
God bless and good luck!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (11 March 2008):
 Don't play with your life.
It may give you the near death experience or the heightened state of orgasm but it could be very dangerous.
One moment longer and you will become another statistics.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (11 March 2008):
 That is something that is totally strange to me. In my opinion, there is nothing that can be considered "normal" about it - it must be some kind of total male dominance thing, or much worse. Perhaps it has to do with sadism. How can that have anything to do with the concept of "making love?" My opinion.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): My boyfriend chokes me during sex sometimes too, it really gets him hard. He never does it so much that I cannot breathe or anything, and he stops as soon as I tell him to. Personally I don't really find it arousing but anything that gets him that worked up is worth it for me.
He likes it because it makes him feel powerful and in control. Lots of men have fantasies about dominating women. It makes them aroused to see women in a subservient and helpless state. It might not be normal (hell it might not even be healthy- could stem from rape fantasies) but as long as it is only the ILLUSION of control and not REALITY, it is harmless. What I mean is, you BOTH have to set the terms for what is acceptable and what isn't. If he is choking you without asking for consent or not listening to you when you say stop, and not respecting your sexual wishes- then that is BAD. That is a sign of a controlling personality and you need to nip it in the bud now.
I think there should always be room for experimenting in bed... but not if one of you doesn't want to do it, it's not right then.
Good luck, talk to your man about it.
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A
male
reader, N-Decisive1 +, writes (11 March 2008):
As for being choked while having sex, maybe they say it's HOT,they claim it arouses the female. BUT it's not good for you. What IF you pass out/ and not come to? what then?
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  + ♥, writes (11 March 2008):
 If you don't like it, he shouldn't do it, particularly because you're the one who would die if things went out of control. If he won't stop, you stop it.
Also, I don't want to get into what's normal or abnormal, but I think most people would not enjoy feeling choked. I wouldn't like to feel choked during lovemaking.
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (11 March 2008):
 It's hot alright. Especially if he accidently chokes you to death.
He's a psycho and he's trying to control you. You better wise up before you become a statistic.
BTW, your girlfriend needs to wise up too.
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A
male
reader, Paladin +, writes (11 March 2008):
 Whats normal to one person is not always normal to another. If you like it keep doing it but be careful I have heard of this getting out of control and going too far which could result in permanent damage or death. If you get a chance watch the movie "Rising Sun". Its a great movie certainly worth watching and if your lucky you might get a dose of reality. You ask why people like this, not all do and most don't. People do a lot of things, look up Prince Albert Piercing, you'll see people will do damn near anything.
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