A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've known my boyfriend since high school so about 8 years or so. Last November, my boyfriend broke things off with me and within a week started dating the woman he was talking to behind my back. Now, I don't care that he was talking to another woman but after all was said and done, I felt like he cheated on me emotionally with her while we were still together. I feel this way because he was in constant contact with her for weeks, getting to know her, having personal conversations, going to her with advice about problems in our sex life, I was very hurt when I found all of this out after we broke up. They were clearly interested in each other even though it was never physical. The hardest part is he never admitted to emotionally cheating on me. He swears they were just good friends and that their friendship just developed very quickly, but that he does not consider what he did to be cheating. He also never admitted that he left me to be with her despite getting into a relationship with her within just a week of us breaking up. There relationship didn't last long and ended, and then several months later he and I ran into each other and slowly worked on things and got back together. My boyfriend has apologized immensely for hurting me and has really tried to make up for it but this is something I've continued to have trouble with. I worry sometimes that he's just going to leave me again abruptly or start talking to another girl again even though he's reassured me he will never do something like that again. I really do care about him but I just don't know anymore.
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (4 July 2017):
 I do sympathise with you.
I believe you need to make it loud and clear to BF that he had no business getting to be great friends with anyone to the point it leads him to lie, and deceive his partner – you! This should disable any clever woman he comes across to think twice about trusting such a man!?
Whilst he had a conscious not to physically cheat he did emotionally cheat you by being deceptive! For that he must acknowledge as being true, not be in denial or dither about it. There is no repairing or sorry to be had if he cannot recognise what he done was truly wrong; otherwise it throws trust out the door completely.
For me I do not do well with liars and fake apologies; Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. Fool me thrice and I’m a dang glutton for punishment :) Being sorry requires one to acknowledge their exact mistake in order to not to repeat history.
Please note some men do not understand what emotional cheating entails. They understand the physical aspect of cheating with sex is wrong. This makes me wonder about their level of emotional intelligence.
Only you can decide whether he is worth a second chance, and take on a life of insecurity... wondering, waiting, and jumping to conclusions if he’s at it again. All of which I wish you do without.
I also agree with female reader; “If that relationship did not end, he would not be here right now. So, are you a convenient fall back girl?”
Take Care – CAA
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2017): Oh sweetie, that is one of the toughest crosses to bear in life. Loving somebody yet not being able to trust them.I am in the same situation. I love him. I have been with him for four years. He also cheated on me with a woman in the beginning of our relationship. I forgave him. But it continues to haunt me to this day. Sometimes I can't believe I am still with him because the fear and anxiety of him hurting me again only get worse by the day. It comes to a point where you cannot handle it anymore emotionally and you start to distance yourself and sort of let your feelings go numb in time because you know what this guy is capable of. And you are protecting your heart from getting hurt. Although for me, it's too late. I will be hurt if I stay. I will be hurt if I leave him. It has been FOUR years. That is a long time.I caution you to think long and hard about this. He did cheat on you. He did go behind your back. He did allow himself to get emotionally close to another woman (and you do not know for sure whether it was physical or not - he is only telling you it wasn't). He betrayed you and your relationship for his own selfish gain. He put himself ahead of you. He cared more about himself than he did about you. A man who loves you would never hurt you. Ok? He did it once. And yes, he is capable of doing it again. You will forever worry about what he is doing behind your back. Those demons will never go away. What led him to do this? We tend to blame ourselves but it is not our fault. Instead of going outside the relationship, he should have come to you first to tell you how he was feeling and if he was unhappy about something, he should have given you a chance to fix it as a couple. Not running to some other woman, confiding in her about you and your sex life! He is a weak coward. WEAK. Is this the kind of a man you want to have any future with? You are already not sure now. I can tell you from experience, you are only going to try to convince yourself that he is a good guy, that he is right for you, when in fact he isn't right for you. He is not worthy of you. He proved that the minute he opened the door for another woman. He OPENED it. He allowed it. A good guy would not have put himself in this position to begin with. Why? Because he loves you. Because he would never do anything to risk his relationship with you. To risk losing you. He took that gamble. It speaks loud and clear. He is not invested in you enough.He met you again, and that relationship ended (usually they do) and the guy comes to his senses about what he lost, and he wants his girl back. Why wouldn't he? He is alone. He is lonely. If that relationship did not end, he would not be here right now. So, are you a convenient fall back girl? Are you just familiar and reliable? Ask yourself this. Once your old problems start to resurface, is he going to again seek solace outside your relationship with yet another woman?Can you live with these demons? I fear not. They are going to eat you up alive. Like they have me. At this point, I am not sure I can take it anymore. I should never have let it go on for four years. Please do not be me. Walk away now. It would be the right thing to do and the best choice for you. Because you love yourself and know you deserve better. Hugs.
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