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My boyfriend leaves me for his ex-gf. How do I move on from this extremely hurtful pain?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Cheating, Faded love, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 July 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 2 August 2009)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I've been with my bf for 6 months. I know it may sound like a short amount of time, but I began to fall for him. However, towards the end, we were having a rough time and he ended up leaving me for his ex-gf. Supposedly she was asking him back and he left. I was heartbroken, deeply hurt, like someone ripped out my heart. About a month later he left me, he calls me saying he made a mistake. He said the whole time he was with her he only thought of me and realized he wanted to be with me only. However, I found out (don't ask my how I found out) that he told her that I was crazy for telling him that I loved him so early on, that he couldnt stop thinking about her when he was with me, how he compared her to the girls he dated, how he missed her etc.

We tried to work it out again, but I kept bringing it up because I couldnt trust him. As much as I wanted to be with him, I just couldnt bear the pain he put me through. I told him on Sunday that I dont want this anymore and that I dont deserve this, that he should be with "his" girl. He replied saying.."you know what? you're right. I dont want to be with someone who doesnt trust me this much. this is ridiculous."

I said okay and he said okay and that was it. Its over. I should be happy but it hurts so much. I hear that he contacted his ex-gf and now they are back together. Supposedly he told her, it was her all along, I was nothing to him, I was only a rebound to him.

When I heard this, I was shaking and crying at the same time. I'm having a hard time starting my day today, I'm just on my bed crying, I feel like he literally tore my heart apart. He seems perfectly fine, moved on with his girl now, while I'm here used, played, feeling horrible and hurt. I didn't think he was this type of guy. His ex-gf probably thinks he's an angel too. How do I move on from this????

View related questions: heartbroken, his ex, move on

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A female reader, ciaran reidy Afghanistan +, writes (2 August 2009):

what the eye does not see the heart does not greive ,thats a great quote. no contact is the best way to get over him. it doesnt sound like he could ever make you happy and you deserve better. Give yourself time, time is a great healer and write a journal of your feelings. good luck. I am going thru the same thing myself.

My bloke dumped me cos he said he needed to be alone, 4 days later he was back with his ex.

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A female reader, Diadem Kiss United Kingdom +, writes (22 July 2009):

A very wise lady once told me that what the eye does not see, the heart does not grieve. So firstly you should stop all contact with your ex. Delete his telephone number,all correspondance between you both, photos.....Basically delete him from your life. Sounds extreme but what exactly has he done to still warrant access to you & your life? Also it sounds like you have had a lucky escape as his attitude seems to be toxic. Yes a good man is only as good as his word. Sadly it seems that he was just feeding you a line & just using you for his own selfish gain. Shame on him!!

Let me assure you that this pain will in end with time. So instead of enduring that time why not try to find ways to enjoy it. You have been brave enough to give your heart. So be gentle with yourself as you go through the healing process. Now is a time not to blame yourself for things you think you could have/should have done differently. Let focus instead on getting you feeling better shall we....time to reconnect with that inner goddess I say:)

So no moping in bed crying missy. As there is a vibrant world outside full of single men who are looking for women like you!! Its time to get busy. Start a project,get creative. Alternatively why not arrange a girlie night in or out with your friends. No rom-coms. We are talking music,make up & comedy or stilletos, sexy dress & a few shots. Did somebody say Tequila??

I am sure there are things that you wish to say to your ex, maybe even vent a little anger. Why not write a letter expressing all your feelings put it inside a bottle & cast it to sea or burn it? but never EVER send it.

You mark my words your ex will try to contact you when his current relationship goes sour. His is very fickle & it is inevitale that sooner or later he will come back around looking for another chance.Sadly this seems to be a fairytale without a happy ending for you and your Ex. But thankfully there are lots of men out there who are willing and able to audition for the part of your next boyfriend. AKA Prince Charming!! Good luck xx

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