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My boyfriend keeps asking to meet my former best friend

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 October 2017) 6 Answers - (Newest, 3 October 2017)
A female age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 16 months. We met through a social group in which we both joined around the same time, and that group is my main circle of friends. I do not keep in touch regularly with anyone else. I have friends whom I call up maybe once a year just to catch up but that is all, and that is what I prefer. It is just how I am, and I am happy.

I have met my boyfriend's close friends and he knows that I do not have any. I did tell him about my former best friend whom I have known since preschool but have fallen apart from these past several years. I no longer enjoy her company as in short, she is an unhealthy influence. Once in awhile, he asks to meet her out of curiosity, which is understandable. However recently he has been pushing for me to introduce them which I found unnecessary and unwanted. I do not enjoy spending time with her and she is no longer apart of my life. Thus there is no reason to introduce the two. But my boyfriend cannot help his curiosity and suddenly very recently, keeps asking. I think he is being very immature. I told him I do not want to send the wrong message. Yet he says I should do it just once for him. I told him this is not about him. Is he being unreasonable or am I? I think he is invading my privacy and just being plain immature.

It is not a huge issue but a nuissance!

View related questions: best friend, immature

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (3 October 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntI don't think he is being immature, my guess is that he is curious about why you have no friends and maybe he wants to meet her so he can get to hear old stories about you and make more off a connection with you, I am sure his intentions are good.

However I do understand why this is annoying to you, and you just need to sit down calmly and tell him how annoying this is for you. Explain to him that you have nothing to hide, but that you are happy the way that you are and that if he wants to be with you then he should accept that.

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A female reader, 02DuszJ United Kingdom +, writes (3 October 2017):

02DuszJ agony auntHave you told him that's she some sort of promiscuous devil-woman? If so be very wary because this is the likely reason he wants to "get to know her" and he might not be the faithful guy you thought he was. You still can't truly know someone after 16 months

Nobody here has any earthly idea of any other "normal" reason he would want to bring a negative influence in your life- which you're point blank against! There is no call for his irrational reaction. Major red flag- follow your gut and watch this guy.

I agree that if he doesn't drop it, for the above reasons, dump this one (and like others said not respecting your feelings/wishes)

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (3 October 2017):

Aunty BimBim agony auntWhy does this tuppenny twat want you to re-establish contact with somebody who is not healthy for you?

His persistence shows disrespect for you. Tell him again NO and you don't want him to bring it up again.

Are you capable/strong enough of carrying through on an ultimatum? If he raises the subject again or refuses to take you no for an answer, give him her address and kiss him goodbye.

None of us need the sort of person he is showing himself to be in our lives.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom +, writes (3 October 2017):

N91 agony auntVery odd behaviour.

I think his reluctance to accept a no is quite alarming. I'd be firm and tell him that you no longer wish to entertain this conversation. She isn't s part of your life anymore and you find the persistence annoying.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (3 October 2017):

Honeypie agony auntAsk him why he keeps asking and why he would want to meet your ex-BBF when you no longer have a friendship.

That is what I would do.

And then tell him... It's not going to happen as she and I are no longer friends and won't be anytime soon.

If he can't let it go, you might need to consider that he lacks a bit of respect for you.

Now, he might not understand how you two fell out, but it's really none of his beeswax.

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy +, writes (3 October 2017):

Anonymous 123 agony auntI agree, it's absolutely a nuisance. He's behaving like a petulant child throwing a tantrum. Well since he's being a baby, you have to deal with him the way you would with one. Tell him firmly that you are done with this discussion and that you see no reason to introduce her to him because she has no place in your life. He's in a relationship with YOU. If he doesn't want that then he knows where the door is. To be this interested in her is just plain creepy.

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