A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am in a long distance relationship because he is goes to college in washington and i live in florida. So we live on oppsite sides of the country. He is turning 20 this year and im 18. We were together for over a year when we broke up. He just stopped calling and replying to my text. I love him and didnt want to let go. After about 4 months I started to talk to someone new. He and I became close and I ended up losing my virginity to him. About a week after the even happened, I got an email from my ex. I wasn't sure if it was him or not so I texted him asking of it was he said yes. And then we started talking again. My current boyfriend knew that we were talking but didn't think much of it. Anyway my feeling for my ex rushed back and I told my boyfriend that. He was hurt and upset. We went our seperate ways. Me and my ex caught up on lost time and I told him about losing my virginity. He was very upset. He is a virgin and we had promised to be each other's first but because of the distance it had been put on hold. When we broke up, I didn't think I'd hear from him again. We're back together again and had we not broke up it'd be 2 years on the 31st of March. I've told him I'm sorry that I'd unintentionally hurt him. I don't think what I did was wrong. I want this to work. We both do. That's why we talk about what is bothering each other but we still have our insecurities. He is afraid that our first time together won't be special. He can only think of me and the guy I lost it to. And I'm scared that he'll leave me again out of no where. I love him but these two things have been affecting our relationship a lot. We are always arguing about this. I want our relationship to work. It's not always that a relationship get a second chance. I love him so much and I feel like we need help because we obviously haven't been able to work these problems out on our own. If you have any advice what so ever please give it to us. We would truly appreciate it. Thanks for reading this.
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broke up, long distance, lost my virginity, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2012): I'm not trying to justify your boyfriend's feelings. But part of it might be that you were with him for over a year. Then you guys break up and are with the new guy for how long? It sounds like much less than a year. He may be hurt that you held on to something for so long with him and then he feels like you gave it up quickly to someone else.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2012): The way he feels is completely understandable, no matter how much trouble it is causing.
But his feelings are the result of his own choice to break up with you. It's not your fault and they are his alone to deal with.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (18 March 2012):
 he is upset because he cares for you, and cant stand the thought of some other guy entering , and touching you . he doe's not look at you as being tainted , but he feels hurt he is not your first and only. he feels lose that he can never get back. this happened to me in the past with the one i love. you can share your feelings with him , be honest , but don't give too much details it will only hurt him more. if you regret it you can tell him, but don't lie to him that is the worst thing you can do. he is more than likely feeling guilt for breaking up with you , and is feeling some of the regrets of not being their for you. i can say this because i have been in his place in the past. i know how he feels. you two can work it out, he more than likely may feel some of the hurt for a long time to come. i am just giving the view from what he may be feeling. you both made mistakes but if you love each other you can overcome . i wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 March 2012):
 "He can only think of me and the guy I lost it to."
That is his issue and he is the one who will have to deal with it. Some guys do get retroactive jealousy and it requires some work for them to work through it. Making you miserable about a choice you made isn't going to 'fix' this for him. I think this may need to be worked out with some private counseling for him.
"And I'm scared that he'll leave me again out of no where." Well, that's a reasonable fear, he's shown he can do it, hasn't he? The only way he can prove to you that he won't do it again is not to do it again. Did he have some reasonable explanation for vanishing like that?
How did you two meet if you live so far apart? And are you putting your life's choices on hold by trying to make this LDR work?
The only way to move on from this is to learn to live in the moment. Stop bringing in the past fears and worries and stop fantasizing about what may happen in the future. Live in the present.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 March 2012):
 Honestly, he sounds like an idiot. What did he expect? That you sit at home waiting on him to MAYBE get back in touch? To put your life on hold for him?
Tell him to get over it or get out.
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A
male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (18 March 2012):
 I understand your boyfriends point of view. you and him were on the same page as far as sex goes and thats important to blokes. now things are different. its not your fault. you did nothing wrong but you have to acknowledge that things are not the same. don't put it all back on him. its not his fault either.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (18 March 2012):
 I have to agree. Pampering his hurt feelings will only prolong them. HE broke up with you and very poorly, I might add. To end a relationship by simply ignoring his girlfriend until she goes away makes your boyfriend a cad.
And ditching another guy so you could take him back and apologise for not honouring any agreements you'd made before you broke up makes you a mug.
You losing your virginity to another was a risk your boyfriend was willing to take when he cut you loose. He has no right to complain about it now. Tell him to be grateful you even took him back and if you hear another word about it, or see another sulky face, he's history.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (18 March 2012):
 phhht.
He disappeared, he is the one who stopped replying to you, as far as I can see that makes any agreements that were between the two of you, as far as the relationship you had then, nul and void. Especially after almost 2 years!
If he cant accept the person you are, right now, virginity intact or not, that is his problem, not yours. If he is unwilling to regotiate the terms of your relationship, after such a long time since HE STOPPED COMMUNICATING, that is his problem. I dont even understand why you are bothering with this person, did he ever give an explaination why he stopped responding two years ago?
I'd be telling him to either accept it or take a hike!
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