A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay this girl messaged me on myspace saying she was a friend of my bf's ex. She was telling me how he was calling her and messaging her on myspace saying how he missed her but he wants to keep it from me till he is ready to tell me. I didn't want to believe her but i decided to do some searching. We share a phone and I didn't see her number or anything but I think he deleted it. Then I look though his messages on myspace and there they were. I asked him about it and he says it was nothing. What should I do? I haven't found any in the past 2 months but that doesn't mean he isn't deleting any of it when he is done. I don't know what I am suppose to do. HELP ME PLEASE
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): I dont think telling an ex he wants to be with her but will tell you in his own time is nothing, do you? I would be very careful and not invest too much time or emotion into your relationship with him, because it sounds as if hes not very settled with you. If you stay with him just explain that you will also let him know when youre ready to break up with him! See how he reacts. Ive a feeling he wouldnt like that feeling either. If you feel he is still having contact with her behind your back it might be best to move on.
A
female
reader, BlueBag  +, writes (14 December 2009):
 I believe that your gut instinct is usually correct, so follow it.
I do think that this seems fishy and if you've seen the messages yourself then you have the proof that he's not being true to you. Who cares if you haven't seen anything for 2 months? He's done it before so I'm sure he'll do it again if he isn't already. You're right in the fact that its very easy to delete messages and cover his tracks.
This friend of his ex's is probably trying to start trouble as dazey has suggested but you've seen the evidence for yourself. So you know there is some truth behind it.
I would leave this guy and find someone who respects you.
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A
female
reader, BlueBag +, writes (14 December 2009):
I believe that your gut instinct is usually correct, so follow it.
I do think that this does seem fishy and if you've seen the messages yourself then you have the proof that he's not being true to you. Who cares if you haven't seen anything for 2 months? He's done it before and you haven't told us that he promised you he'd change so I'm sure he'll do it again if he isn't already. You're right in the fact that its very easy to delete messages and cover his tracks.
This friend of his ex's is probably trying to start trouble as dazey has suggested but you've seen the evidence for yourself. So you know there is some truth behind it.
I would leave this guy and find someone who respects you.
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A
female
reader, Sadnat  +, writes (14 December 2009):
 if my boyfriend was doing that its as good as cheating to me, its not like they were messages of friendship, he is making you look like a fool and you should have more dignity than that, move on you deserve better.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 December 2009):
 I agree. If when you confront him he either gets angry at you for not trusting him, he launches into an enormous and extravagant story, or does the guy sort of grunting and refusing to answer (basically if he does anything but reassure you that nothing is going on and tells you everything you ask) something is up. Not that he's necessarily cheating, but he may have tried to or intends to. I'm a little curious as to why that girl would tell you, but that's not what's important here. You don't know for sure he's deleting the messages or that he called her. It's possible she tried to start something with him and he refused and in a desperate attempt to "get him" she called you. I've heard worse, believe me. Basically, you need to confront him about it and see what happens.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (14 December 2009):
 If the trust is gone, it might be time to move on. If the messages were there, and are now deleted, you have reason to be concerned. Tell him why you are concerned and see what he has to say, if it makes sense, great, if his story lacks logic call it a day and move on
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A
female
reader, dazey  +, writes (14 December 2009):
you looked at his phone, the number wasn't there. so he MUST have deleted it.
There's no evidence for him ringing her, but he must be just really good at hiding it, right?
Thing is, he didn't hide those messages, so why would he hide his calls? Doesn't matter, he MUST be hiding them.
Hmmmmm.... to be on the safe side, you'd better chain yourself to him 24/7 because you can't risk him contacting his ex, no, that wouldn't do. You simply can't allow this guy to have a life of his own. He's beyond distrust, clearly.
yes, it's much better to trust some random friend of your boyfriend's ex, isn't it? She is DEFINITELY looking out for your best interests. Without a doubt.
Do you see what I did there?
If you're interested in politics, read up on Iraq, and weapons of mass destruction if you don't already know. There are some parallels here. With the moral being if you can't see them, it doesn't mean they're not there, just that they're really, REALLY well hidden. In a years time, after untold damage, you can quietly admit that you were probably wrong and that there were no calls or further messages, but by then it will be too late anyway.
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