A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend's room is disgusting. Meaning - he doesn't put up his dishes, his room stinks, and he has trash and clothes every where.I don't even take my shoes off when I'm there, because his floor [entire floor] is wet, and sticky permanently [and it's carpet]. When I'm barefoot I can feel everything from the the floor between my toes, and it's DISGUSTING.Every time I go over there, I try my best to pick up his clothes, put away his dishes [try cleaning his room], but it's useless, and he also gets angry, because he says "I didn't invite you over to clean."Each holiday I tend to buy ONE item that will help with his room. For an example, a bedroom trashcan, organizers etc. But when I go over there - they are still there - empty. So, that was a waste of money.Our sex life is great, but... I don't even want to take my clothes off there! I don't even want to lay in his bed, and because I feel so nasty and dirty.Also, he's an amazing kisser, but sometimes I wonder if he even brushes his teeth. His breath stinks SOMETIMES, but not all the time. I've spent the night over there a couple of times, and I've NEVER even witnessed him brushing his teeth in the morning or at night. [or smelt toothpaste in his breath]I love him a lot... but I can't be with someone this... nasty for the rest of my life.What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009): You should always talk through any problems you have with your bf and come to a comprimise. If he really loves you he will come to a comprimise. you should definitly tell him in a straight forward way that his personal hygene needs work. Dont ever beat around the bush with men. He wont understand. Dont tell him pick his socks up when you want him to clean his room.you will just get in an arguement over something else on the floor. be straight foward and tell him what you think of his room. even the part about you not taking your clothes off, i think that will get his attention and make him want to change.
A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (2 March 2009):
 In addition to all of the previous posting, he may just be a "hoarder". If he is, you need to find out what triggered it, and only then can you address the situation. Hoarders just don't throw away stuff and clean rooms though, they still do maintain personal hygiene (to maintain a respectable appearance on the outside).
Hoarders are endangering their own life, but also others around him Think of infectious deseases with rodents, insects, as carriers. Think of fire hazards.
He needs one of Oprah Winfrey's makeover thingys :-)
Cat
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A
female
reader, Ginalolabridga + ♥, writes (1 March 2009):
 I think you need Army Medic to shape his butt into action here being in the Army for a while would teach him good housekeeping and hygiene habits.
My father was an army man and we were all brought up to keep our own rooms clean and tidy and if we didn't we got a ear bashing i think as well as him his parents are to blame for allowing him to live in this filthy squalor, as much as some parents will say well if he wants to live in a pit let him! i think it is wrong.Your teaching them bad habits and shrugging your responsibilities.
Tell him your not comfortable in his room anymore and he will start having to come to your place more often till it gets cleaned up, as you have offered to do things and buy things to help in the clean up but to no avail!
I dont see what other choice you have and i certainly would not want to lie on sheets in a bed that was not free from all sorts of matter!
He needs his butt kicked good and hard to get him out these sloppy habits he has.
He either shapes up or you ship out!
Gina
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (1 March 2009):
 I think you need to stop going to his house, and stop kissing him, you've hinted strongly that you don't like living in his filth.
Tell him why you have stopped going there, and if he tries to kiss you offer him a mint first.
There is no excuse for him to live like a pig, and your health could suffer because of it.
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A
female
reader, MochaLady7 +, writes (1 March 2009):
Honestly, your boyfriend's room is gross. He is old enough to pick up his own clothes and do simple chores to make his room better. It's not your job. I know that the sex is good and the kissing is good. But if you guys did decide to take your relationship to the next level, could you live like that forever? FIND A GUY THAT KNOWS HOW TO CLEAN UP AFTER HIMSELF!!
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A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (1 March 2009):
 Wow, lol, I don't miss that part of being a teenager at all.
My room was always messy, so I can't say too much, but when my h.s. BF came over and said "Ew gross, babe, your room smells!" that was my turning point.
Boycott his room for a while.If you go over, stay in the living room with his parents, lol. The need for privacy might make him get out the broom and clear away the cobwebs. Also, I had a BF who didn't brush his teeth, and he was not allowed near me until he did. And yes, I once even shoved a toothbrush with gobs of toothpaste into his mouth to get my point across.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHahaha, thanks for the answers.
But he does shower [[thank god]]
About twice a day. [[i don't blame him...considering his room is like that!]]
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2009): I want to respond to this...but you'll have to excuse me...I think I'm going to throw up!!!!!!!!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2009): Hahaha. That's fabulous.
[ahem]
Well, you have to talk to him about it. If he brushes it aside, stand your ground, make your voice heard and tell him how you feel. If it persists, leave him.
Imagine you're married to this guy and you two have kids. How are his habits going to teach his kids? By the time your children are in school, they're going to be running around with dirty clothes and rotten teeth. "Daddy does it too!"
Alternatively, you can help clean his room for him and shove him into the bathroom and force toothpaste into his mouth if need be. "You stink bad baby. I need some air, I think I threw up a little."
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A
female
reader, satindesire +, writes (28 February 2009):
 You need to talk to him about these bad habits. Not only are they socially unacceptable, they are also DANGEROUS!
Being unhygienic, he is risking inviting disease-spreading vermin and mold, mildew and other illness-causing things into his home. A lot of people can get seriously ill and even -DIE- because of their homes being infected with black mold, mice and roaches.
If he does not care for his mouth and teeth, he is increasing his risk of heart disease and stroke exponentially! Also, at his age, he should be mature enough to pick up after himself so that when he grows up to be an adult and moves in with other people (such as roommates or a girlfriend) he is respectful of their property by keeping his home clean and hygienic!
This is an absolutely unacceptable way for him to live. Speak to him in a calm, loving and respectful way about his habits. Explain to him that you feel extremely uncomfortable in his room because of the lack of effort he makes to keep it tidy and clean, and that he is risking his health AND yours by not caring for himself or his property.
If he does not change his ways, unfortunately, you will have to dump him. There are a very few deal breakers I will break up with a man for, but filth is one of them. You aren't his mom, you shouldn't have to remind him to brush and floss and pick up his room. Respect yourself, like he should respect himself, and show him that his habits are simply IMPOSSIBLE to deal with by showing yourself the door if he doesn't change.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2009): Well that's just dandy. I feel your pain. You see, your boyfriend is still at that age where he "doesn't care" about those kinds of things, because he thinks he doesn't has to. He thinks that being clean and neat is a lifestyle choice that he needn't make. Perhaps his mother still cleans up after him.
My suggestion? Stick to your principles. If you feel gross going into his dirty room, don't go in there any more. Let him know, politely of course, that you would prefer to spend time in a nicer environment. Don't kiss him if his breath smells. Make a fuss over him when he showers etc. and cleans up.
Don't nag him. It's not your job. Just let him know that you won't be sticking around unless he practices basic hygiene. End of story.
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A
female
reader, a_seidner06 +, writes (28 February 2009):
 I think you are crazy for havin sex with such a guy, i mean not in a bad way but i wouldnt even have sex with him or kiss him if his room was like that. Cuz you never know how dirty he may be. especially if you havent seen him brush his teeth, lol. I would talk to his mom or dad about getin on him about cleaning that room. I wouldn't even step foot in there if it is in fact that dirty. Talk to him if the parents dont do anything...say clean this room and start brushing your teeth or im going to leave you..i bet he will pick up after himself then. Good luck
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