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female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: Dear Aunts, I have been visiting my boyfriend for a week now so today im leaving ive decided to take him out for lunch. He just told me that it would be better if i buy him grocery. Im a student I don't have that kind of money. All i wanted was to take him out for small lunch but its like he is asking for more from me. He cooks for me while im around and takes care of me I don't know what to do now. He is working as a body guard at some embassy and im still getting money from my parents. He is also 13 years older than me. What do i do?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 August 2017):
 Maybe he feels he is always the one cooking for you and he want's you to chip in on the grocery shopping. It sounds like he wants to be with someone who can pay their own way, if you depend on your parents then just be honest with him and tell him you simply cannot afford it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2017): He is 13 years older than you has a good job and can not afford food? He to me looks like a user.Not only a user but also a loser.What does he spend his money on? Maybe if he is so broke he should do what grown-ups his age do....like get another job to make ends meet.There is a reason he does not date girls his age.....they are smart enough to see through his crap and they will not give him the time of day.Yes I was young once too and I remember the attraction of a older man.Trust me look for a man closer to your own age who is smart enough to have his life together.This guy does not.He also seems emotionally behind in his age.That is why he dates younger.Rember you can always say no and please do.Dump the loser and find a real man unless you want to pay for him forever.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2017): When i was a student, an older cousin who was working will come and visit, take all of us out to a pub to drink and eat. The condition is, if you say you are done drinking, then the next round will be paid by you.I always said to myself, i would rather he give me this money to buy food at home because i go drinking all night, but i have nothing the next day, but i could never say it.So now that i am working and i went to visit home, i took out my old childhood friend who wasnt working to party, drink and eat. The first thing i did was take him aside, gave him some money as i knew he will need it, then we got back to party with my girlfriend and other friends. I hope you get me. When someone is struggling financially, they need physical cash, not to be wined and dined.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 August 2017):
 I think we need a bit of context here.
Like, where all this is going on, and how much food does he want you to buy him . Enough for a couple of meals ? for a week ? For a month ?!
You see, I am a little perplexed because, at least in the countries where I have lived or that I know well for having visited them repeatedly... lunch for two would cost you MORE than groceries. Unless we are talking about 2 Big Macs at a drive through. But anywhere else, even modest, were you'd sit to lunch...
For instance, here in Italy you'd go to a modest trattoria and you'd spend about 20 euros each ( for eating plenty and well :). But with 40 euros you buy a week of groceries at the supermarket, and much more if you go to a farmers' market.
UK ? You can sort of lot a Tesco with the equivalent of a gastropub meal for two.
USA ? Don't let me even get started with the cost of eating out .
And so on and so forth.
So, if it's just about the money, unless he demands that you stock up his pantry for a good while... couldn't he be actually trying to SAVE you money ?
Maybe he meant, rather than buying two meals out, buy some food and let's cook our lunch at home.
Or else, maybe he meant- with the SAME amount that you can afford, and that you'be be spending on us at a restaurant, buy me instead groceries which will last me a bit more after you have left. Rather tacky, if you ask me- not elegant at all- but not unreasonable , since he has been spending money on you during your visit, so that if you want to " even out " things , you'd be evening them out in a way that let you disoblige yourself- AND it is more sensible and practical to him.
If instead he meant that he wants you to spend MORE than you'd spend for a little lunch for two, and go back home leaving behind you his fridge all nice and full with everything- then he is a damn scrounger and you should start re-thinking about being with him.
In any case, though, generally speaking, there's no shame in not being able to afford something , and you are not obliged to overspend just because someone asks you to. If he has in mind something that you cannot afford, you can simply and honestly tell him, sorry, that's not what I had in mind, as you know I am a student on a limited budget and I cannot do more than buying us pizzas at X place.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (22 August 2017):
 Did he actually say he expected you to buy him LOTS of groceries? I would have taken his comment to mean that he would rather you spent the money you were going to spend on one meal for the two of you on groceries which, for the same money, would give you both a FEW meals.
Is it possible he has anxiety about eating in public? Perhaps that was his way of getting out of going.
Unless I am missing something, I would not see anything wrong with what he asked for but would figure out how much the meal you planned to take him for would have cost, then buy some nice meat or veg or other groceries that you can both cook together for some meals.
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A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (22 August 2017):
JUST SAY NO.
Your invitation was for a small lunch, not for groceries.
Learn to set healthy limits.
Tell him: Well, my invitation was for just eating at X place for Y food. My offer is not for groceries or anything else.
You have a limited amount of money and you should not spend it on things you can afford. Please don't let some one else make you do things that are beyond your budget.
Remember, you can ALWAYS say NO to anything.
Best luck!
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A
male
reader, Allumeuse +, writes (22 August 2017):
He might just be a bit thoughtless about your difference in means. Explain that you can't afford to buy all the groceries but perhaps spend what you were able to afford on lunch on some supplies. Then again he might be experiencing the harsh reality of dating a not quite grown up. Either he'll wise up and not ask you again . Or he'll decide he wants to date a woman who can pay her way as an equal. Good luck
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A
female
reader, NORA B +, writes (22 August 2017):
As a thank you to your boyfriend ..the lunch you offered for cooking for you when you were visiting him...was very kind on your part....no more is needed.His request for groceries ...was OUTRAGEES ON HIS PART.Just say sorry..no can do as i am depending on my parents for money.Besure it is a firm NO...this suggestion on his part as he is working and 13 years older than you is VERY UNFAIR and trying to take advantage of your youth.Remember you are treated the way you ALLOW PEOPLE TO TREAT YOU.The only answer to your question is A VERY FIRM NO.Kind regards NORA B.
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