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My boyfriend is a compulsive liar. Should I leave him now?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 February 2008) 4 Answers - (Newest, 8 February 2008)
A female Canada age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I have been dating a guy for almost 2 years. He was my first boyfriend. At the beginning of the relationship he was a mess ie.was a pot head, porn addict,continously talking about exes, didnt see me much and was really lazy. But at that time i didnt really want a too serious relationship. Eventally i fell in love. After a few arguments and half a year later, he promisied me that he would quit pot and porn. Eventally he said he did. For a year he told me this. However, after a while i clued and and he confessed that he hadnt stoped either for the whole year. However he did say that recently he did stop porn and pot, which is why he was comfortable admitting it. Furthermore, I found out that he had and had sex with a girl (before this relationship)in his bed, after telling that he hadnt. This was important to me because I was not comfortable doing it for the first few times where he had done it before because he had said so much stuff about this girl in the past. In addition, I found out that he lied about the amount of times he had sex with his ex (he said twice but really it was much more). However, I forgave him and was willing to move on with him getting some help with his porn and pot. For 6 months we continued and I began to trust him again. Then just yeasterday I grilled him because of somthing very mean about me and found out that he lied about quiting porn. In addition he still had sexually explict pictures of his closest ex after telling me he throw it out after he broke up with his ex 4 years ago. Moreover, he had looked at these pictures during our relationship and recently. Further more, he had kept explict pictures of past friends and serviced himself with them recently and during our relationship. I just feel so disrepected and dont know if I should or even could trust him again. But it is killing me that I must leave him because I love him so much. But I just cant know whats a lie and whats not. Am I over reacting? He has improved so much. He has stoped pot. And honestly I donno if there is a guy out there that doesnt lie about porn, and that doesnt do porn and that doesnt lie about exs and other girls. My question is, should I leave him? will he change? and if I should leave him, how can i do it without it hurting too much? Last night i felt so sick to my stomach that I throw up.

View related questions: broke up, fell in love, his ex, liar, move on, porn

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2008):

The lies only get worse, until one day you realize YOU are worth more than what this lying creep has to offer you.

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A female reader, Omerta United Kingdom +, writes (6 February 2008):

Omerta agony auntI understand how you feel as my b/f lies a lot of the time and I know it. He also has pics of his ex g/f on his PC and as I don't live with him, I have no idea whether he looks at them to get pleasure or whether he just keeps them because he was really in love with her and can't let go?! Either way...It is sickening & you do wonder why someone would want to treat you that way when you are nothing but good to them.

Unfortunately there are a lot of people out there that don't see anything wrong with acting this way and sadly, people like you & me get hurt by this.

I cannot tell you that you should leave him as it's easier said than done! But if you are in love with this guy then you need to clear this up and if you don't see any progress then it may be time to move on...I am doing the same thing right now.

Good luck in whatever you choose to do (There is someone out there for everyone)

K x

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A female reader, iagirl United States +, writes (5 February 2008):

iagirl agony auntI'm sorry you have been going through this. It seems to me that he has done nothing but lie to you for the past two years, and the real question is, why do think you deserve to be treated this way? You even justify it by saying that all guys lie about porn. The truth is that there are a lot of guys out there who will not lie to you and fantasize about other girls behind your back. He will never change because he doesn't want to. Right now, lying has gotten him what he wanted, so why would he? You need to think about yourself and what you want out of a relationship. Leaving him will be like ripping off a Band Aid--it will sting at first but you'll find that you're way better off without him in the long run.

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A female reader, iagirl United States +, writes (5 February 2008):

iagirl agony auntI'm sorry you have been going through this. It seems to me that he has done nothing but lie to you for the past two years, and the real question is, why do think you deserve to be treated this way? You even justify it by saying that all guys lie about porn. The truth is that there are a lot of guys out there who will not lie to you and fantasize about other girls behind your back. He will never change because he doesn't want to. Right now, lying has gotten him what he wanted, so why would he? You need to think about yourself and what you want out of a relationship. Leaving him will be like ripping off a Band Aid--it will sting at first but you'll find that you're way better off without him in the long run.

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