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My boyfriend is a bad pot head, am I stupid to stick it out?

Tagged as: Teenage, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 April 2008) 9 Answers - (Newest, 23 June 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend is a bad pot head and sometimes he is the sweetest ever and other times he flips out on me for no reason. I have told him its over a few times but he always ends up coming round my house. Often in tears. So I feel bad and give him a second chance but I don't know whether I am being stupid taking him back all the time?

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A male reader, itsy United States +, writes (23 June 2010):

Girls listen, anything in life can be addicting and everything in life as side effects. Phycalogical addiction is common with bud. It all differs though.. is he tokin up before he sees you or at the end of his day. Weed is not for weakminded people. If something as weak as marijuanna is taking over you life then theres a problem with yourself not your consumption. Either way its not to big deal.. its weed comon we all went to highschool. If you want him to stop don't tell him to when hes high. Sit him down tell him your reasoning on why you want him to stop, be firm when you address him. Offer to smoke with him one last time.. trust me all the things you told him will be running through his mind when faded.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009):

You cant make a connection between pot and his character flaws. There could be a million reasons why you have those problems in the relationship, how can you narrow it down to blaming it on pot? Thats like saying that a garden you planted wont grow because of the altitude. You dont know why your garden wont grow, but you blame on it on something you cant even prove. Yes, some people do have problems because of pot, but not all people's problems are becuase of pot. This seems like it has more to do with incompatiblity and mood swings than marijuana. The longer people blame their relationship problems on pot, the longer they will have relationship problems.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009):

I sort of dated a wonderful lady a while back. But she was a pot head. I never felt like i meant anything to her. She would tell me one thing and do another. She would do cruel things to others then forget she did them. She would never give me the commitment i wanted from her because she didnt know how. I still love her very much but I have no more energy or tears for someone of that caliber.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2008):

I totally know how you feel! I just broke up with my pothead boyfriend of 5 years! Trust me, it's not worth it to stay. I regret wasting my time on him. I do love him and I think he loves me but he has a serious problem. For years he has been telling me he's going to move me in so we can progress to marriage and kids and it's now 5 years later and it still hasen't happened. I am now 32 and I am not married and have no kids and it is stressing me out. All of my friends and his friends are or have settled down but not us. I finally left him two weeks ago because I had told him I need more and he didn't give it to me. Everytime I brought settling down up he would panic and blame me for us not settling down. I actually believed it for years and kept trying to improve the things he complained about but I finally realized he is the unstable one who has problems. He is so selfish, flakey, moody, indecisive, and critical. I just couldn't take it anymore. I'm so mad at myself for wasting my time on him and for letting him cause me so much stress and heartbreak. I don't smoke pot but I really believe that he is this way because he smokes pot all day and night. He acts so strange and irrational. It's really sad to me because I don't think he realizes how bad his addiction is. DO NOT settle for a pothead. You WILL regret it. Especially when you are older and more mature and you look at this boy who can't grow up and be a man because he is a pothead. I would hate for you to be in my situation years down the road.

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A female reader, starfairy United Kingdom +, writes (19 October 2008):

starfairy agony auntThis sounds exactly like my ex. He was heavy into cocaine, which he gave up shortly before we'd gotten together. But he replaced coke with smoking weed, he would smoke between 1 and 3 joints a night that I knew of, he always said he would give it up soon blah blah blah...He lost motivation, would flip out at me totally randomly over stupid things like washing up liquid etc (don't ask lol)...He seemed to see himself totally differently in his head to the way he actually was.

He's a waster, still is a waster, and from what I've learned from the relationship, always will be a waster.

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A female reader, sunshine80 United States +, writes (19 October 2008):

I have been in a similar situation. My ex boyfriend smoked pot regularly and it wasn't till after a year of being together did he tell me that he smoked pot. I was devastated, I thought well if he really loved me he could stop. The truth is he won't. I didn't cause his addiction, I can't cure it, nor can I change it. He's 31 years old, didn't go to college, is in a dead end job, and lacks ambition and drive. He is a recluse, prefers to be with his family members who all get high with him, and has no friends outside his family. I have cried, begged and pleaded for him to stop, but he says I have to accept him and his addiction if I want to be with him. I have chosen to move on as difficult as it has been. An addict will unfortunately always be an addict. I would say you are better off with someone who wants to be with you in full consciuos awareness and who is willing to communicate with you with an open mind and heart.

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A female reader, thatgothgirl20 United States +, writes (7 April 2008):

thatgothgirl20 agony auntStop taking him back.

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A female reader, LittleTwoLegs United States +, writes (7 April 2008):

LittleTwoLegs agony auntDo you smoke pot yourself? Just wondering.

Me, I never smoke(d) pot, but I dated a few guys who did. While their company was enjoyable enough and I learned a little on how to be in a relationship...these guys are all deadbeats and a waste of time. I still speak with them every now and then over the internet (I live about 1000 miles away from them now), and none of them went on to get a degree or eve partially care about a future beyond making money to support the habits, and of course music and video games.

After the last pothead I dated I decided that I wouldn't date any more again--they are just a waste of time after a while, and don't appease anything other than temporary/superficial needs. Can you honestly take this guy seriously? I'd say not. Since those times I've had to deal with a lot less bullshit and a lot more quality in interaction. There is better quality out there for you hon, so don't settle for anything less!

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A male reader, PianoPunkGuy Colombia +, writes (7 April 2008):

I'm currently in a realitionship where drugs where a very big issue for over 3 years, and let me tell you...

If he really has a problem with drugs, well... there's nothing you can do about it, only he can quit and change his life. And if you persist taking him back you are not doing him a favor, and in the process he will drag you down into his problems. Besides, from what I can tell you are taking him back just out of pity, and thats not good for you.

Drugs cloud your mind and make you hurt the people you love, be carefull. do you really love him that much to go down that road with him?

Yeah sure, some will say that you could stand by him and help him thru, but do you really love him or is it just pity?

Take care, you might go down into his hole.

Take care

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