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My boyfriend has started to sleep on the couch instead of in bed with me!

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 April 2010) 8 Answers - (Newest, 27 May 2010)
A female United States age 51-59, *andaceCottner writes:

I have a concern about my relationship with my boyfriend. We been involved for four years now, we do live together. I have a problem with him when he sleeps on the couch instead in the bed with me. He has done this in the past with another girlfriend but their relationship was rocky it's like there was no relationship between them two where he would sleep on the couch. We do have our moments at times but I can sit down and talk about it him to where the other female they argue everyday and she would not want to sit down and talk. I would tell or say to you're doing me like the women he said's no that he's not I would then what is it then. His excuse would be I had fallen asleep, and I would say to him that is no excuse. And I honestly like him know that this is problem for me and he's telling me that he's not doing me like the other female and not for me to worry. But this really bothers me.

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A male reader, Snow Fox United States +, writes (27 May 2010):

In a relationship sleeping together is part of the excitement of living together. Sleeping on the couch is a very addicting habit. It is similar to sleeping with the TV on. People claim they can not sleep without it. One of the main problems, which is usually not realized, is the selfishness on these very bed habits. It is very disruptive to not only the relationship but also to the individual who is forced to cope with this person's idiosyncrasies. There needs to be change so the relationship can grow in a healthy and united way. Anything that divides or separates two people should be dealt with in a manner that helps draw them closer together, even if one has to sacrifice their poor behavior.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2010):

My boyfriend sleeps on the couch, too. He stays up late and falls asleep there and sometimes gets up and goes to sleep next to me in the bed at like 3am. I have gotten used to it, as i sleep better that way, and so does he, because I grab all the covers away from him and he snuggles really close to me where his mouth is next to my ear and grinds his teeth... LOUD!!!!

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A female reader, YouWish United States + , writes (17 April 2010):

YouWish agony auntThat's good, Candace. I'll tell you what my husband and I worked out, since it's me who stays up later than he does.

I agreed to go to bed with him most nights, and I hang out with him until he goes to sleep, then I'll get back out of bed and chill out in the living room. I try to get back to bed before the point of no return, but sometimes I'll crash out on the couch.

But I recognize his liking to have me in bed when he sleeps, and he is understanding if I'm in the middle of a big project and think the best when it's late at night.

Just work out some middle ground, because speaking from personal experience, once a night owl, ALWAYS a night owl.

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A female reader, CandaceCottner United States +, writes (17 April 2010):

CandaceCottner is verified as being by the original poster of the question

CandaceCottner agony auntHe does fall asleep on the couch and then he will wake up in the middle of the night to join me in the bed and sometimes at 6:00a.m. in the morning when I'm just getting up. A women want's her man in the bed with her not on the couch.

He had said to me that sometimes when he is watching something on T.V. he does'nt realize that he had fallen asleep.I would ask if he was worried about something and he said's no. He's telling me that it's nothing for me to worry about. But there was a time where I thought that he was seeing someone because he would work late. But I do know that he is not cheating because a women would know if her man was cheating.

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A male reader, Red Green 0289 United States +, writes (17 April 2010):

I agree, for several years I suffered from sleep problems, the couch became one of the few places I could fall asleep- all be it at 2 or 3 am. My wife goes to bed at 10 or 10:30 and when I did that I would wake up an hour later and be WIDE awake.

Don't read too much into this... unless he's never coming to be.

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A female reader, YouWish United States + , writes (16 April 2010):

YouWish agony auntOkay, questions:

Does he fall asleep on the couch and then wake up in the middle of the night to join you in bed? Or is he spending the ENTIRE night on the couch and staying completely away from the bed?

Sometimes, the person in the couple who is more the night owl can get into a rut and crash in front of the TV. That can also happen if someone is stressed out over something and is having trouble sleeping until they finally collapse at 2am while watching infomercials.

He might either be worried about something, or just being a night owl, OR there's something else. Do you have reason to suspect he's seeing someone else?? Your intuition will tell you that one. If you suspect that, do NOT confront him, but do some investigative work on him first.

But, it could just be stress/night owl. I have crashed on the couch myself while watching a movie with my husband. I'll wake up at 3am, neck stiff, and go crawl into bed with him.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (16 April 2010):

chigirl agony auntIf he tells you not to worry could there be a reason for why he sleeps on the couch that has nothing to do with fighting? Or does he only sleep on the couch after a fight? Im saying maybe the couch is more comfortable for him, maybe you snore or he genuinely enjoys sleeping alone every now and then?

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom + , writes (16 April 2010):

You need to talk to him about it. Easier said that done, I know. But lets face it, last time this happened there were problems. Maybe there are problems now and he's not telling you. You need to talk to him.

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