A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfreind for a few years, not that age matters but I'm 41 and he's 52. He has been diagnosed with depresson a couple of years ago, anyway, I'm having a REAL HARD time dealing with it! I love him very much and he wants to marry me and visa versa, but I just can't handle his depression! I don't know what would happen if we do marry, I have a 17 yead old daughter and she knows nothing of this but I don't think she should have to live with it either and of course I don't want her to.She will ask whats wrong with ---------and I'll always say, he's tired or doesn't feel well. This isn't right either. He's moody, angry sometimes, ignores me or my daughter. Any suggestions? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (14 August 2008):
 First, I recommend a book called Life After Loss by Bob Deits. It is about handling grieving and loss, and how sometimes those normal emotions get misinterpreted as severe depression. It may help.
Next,
No, do not get married. Marriage will not heal him, and it is not your job to be his nurse, therapist or whatever. You are to be his partner, but right now, in his current state of mind, if he is severely depressed, he does not have the emotional foundation to build a relationship with you.
He needs time to work on HIM. There is nothing you can do for him, he needs to do it for himself. If he is unable or unwilling, find another relationship or you will end up as emotionally drained as he is right now.
-Frank B Kermit
http://www.franktalks.com
A
female
reader, RitzaD. +, writes (12 August 2008):
 Ok so im just a young girl trying to help. But I've been through a somewhat similar sistuation. My dad was diagnossed with depression at age 42. they prescribed so many depresent pills. He quit his job, and became very isolated, always in his room. He covered up all the windows in his room, and i almost felt like he was going insane. So my mom had to go out there and get a job. She was the one most affected im sure. He became very jealouse, moody, angry, and doubted my mom. Me and my sisters all have an open relationship with my mom. We let her come to us, and we would be her shoulder to lean on. The family was getting torn apart. my mom couldn't take it anymore. My dad constantly blamed her for various things, and we had enough when he almost hit my mom. It was untill we realized my dad needed us the most at this time. We sent him to therapy, and we would listen to what he had to say. We started to express our feelings towards him, and just hoped he could change. When he turned 44 he finally got a job, his old friend whom he used to work with helped him get a job where he works since he was the supervisor. My dad felt comfortable and he was out the house for a change. He has toned it down a lot, therapy really worked. Also he changed his religion from catholic to jw, and we all support him, we all go to church together and he enjoys it. We do more family activities now. He is now 48 and we look past that. My mom is a hero she was there for him, but of course we were there for her. We are all older now, and understand him better. His pride and joy are his grandchildren, and my mom. He loves her so much that he wants to remarry for their 28th wedding anniversary on feb. I really have no good advice, but to be there for him, I learned that these are signs and ways they try to tell u they need help. I suggest therapy and a massues. Get out the house together, become busy, and bring up daily activities.
And telling ur daughter is up to u.
Well hope this helps.
Good luck, and stay strong.
...............................
|
