A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend's ex girlfriend got back in touch with him a few weeks ago on facebook and they've been talking since. He says they have just been catching up and that she tells him about work, her baby niece, etc. I believe nothing inappropriate is going on, but I'm just upset in general that an ex girlfriend of his is back in his life. She invites him out to lunch and invited him to a party in September and it bothers me. I just don't understand what the point of them being friends is? They had a bad break up. Should I say something to my boyfriend or just let it go?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2015): Exes out of the blue often are trying to see if there are still feelings. The usual excuse is "catching up on things."
It's okay if he doesn't mind sharing what they talk about.
It's always good to tell your mate when you are uncomfortable about a situation, and why. Like the others have said; if he has been totally transparent about everything, there may be small or no reason to be concerned.
If you read DC and visit other sites offering advice; there's this big thing people have about "closure." They want to end things with more understanding, or correct hard feelings.
The danger is, the novelty of re-acquaintance! The awakening of old passions. You can get too carried away with reminiscing. So he has to be reminded that you must be shown appropriate respect while he crosses lines into territory that may not be as innocent as it seems. Don't be over-flattered with new-found attention. She will especially nice; because she's trying to change his opinion of her.
You have a right to insist (without being bossy) that he keep her ever mindful that he is taken. Every conversation should be during normal hours, and in acknowledgment of you being in his life. He should not accept invitations out; unless you're invited. The first thing out of his mouth should be to ask if she would like to meet you; or simply say, you'll be coming along if the setting appears too intimate. If she is single, contact should be kept to a minimum. Too much chatter is proof she's up too no good. He's not stupid! Nor are you!
Then you must step back, give him your trust; and see what he does with it. If you're snooping around and you're insecure; all the wrong things will go on in your head, and your actions will be foolish. Exes don't just disappear into oblivion. They're bound to cross your path. You've got exes too! Just remind him, don't go any further with her; than he would want you to go with one of your ex-boyfriends.
One of them is bound to reappear in your life as well! He knows how guys are!
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 August 2015):
 The big issue is one you didn't tell us. You said that they're talking on Facebook, right? How do you know this? Did he TELL you about it? Was he open with you about her being in his life, or did you discover this by snooping, and he is doing this behind your back?? That's the crucial bit of the issue here, and the advice hinges on it.
You asked "should I say something"? Well YES you should. It's inappropriate for an ex to be inviting him to go out to dinner and to parties when he has a girlfriend, especially if it's behind your back. Like Honeypie said - what if the shoe was on the other foot and you were getting cozy with an ex-boyfriend? I'm guessing that he wouldn't be so agreeable about it.
So is this happening with your full knowledge beforehand? If so, then you should still talk to him and discuss it reasonably, telling him that while once-in-awhile contact is okay with you, her inviting you out on what actually amounts to "dates" is inappropriate.
If this is happening behind your back, you're going to have to explain why you're snooping for one, and you're going to have to throw the book at him for being disloyal to you and your current relationship. I would leave a guy who hid contact with an ex like this from me and planned parties and dates behind my back. Life is too short.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 August 2015):
 Before you go make a big deal out of it, I would sit him down and ask him, how would YOU feel if I reached out to an ex (or he reached out to me) and we started chatting like we are friends?
Gauge his reaction to that. If he says I would have no problem at all,or if it's OK for HIM to do it but not you...
Then BE honest and tell him that it BOTHERS you that he talks to her still, given their history and the fact that he is DATING you. And I would ASK if there is a GREAT need on his side to keep her around.
Don't be afraid to rock the boat, but I'd ask in a nice and calm way, not start out with the "demand" that he cuts her off.
Then decide if you are OK with what he thinks or not and go from there.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2015): Were you invited to their lunches and parties? Does he talk about you (positively) to her?
I wouldn't be happy if you haven't been invited along to their meets or if he doesn't rave about how happy he is with you.
If however everything's above board I wouldn't make a big deal yet. I have a feeling she'll disappear as soon as she meets someone else! Ofcourse you don't have to put up with drama with the exes if you're uncomfortable with it just walk away ;-) Tell him how you feel about it and if he insists on her being in his life then I'd question where his heart really is.
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