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My boyfriend has been reading stories about incest and beastiality. Should I worry?

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Question - (1 March 2013) 15 Answers - (Newest, 11 March 2013)
A female United States age 30-35, *exa05 writes:

My boyfriend has been reading stories about incest (father/daughter) and stories about girls having sex with dogs, I don't know what this means or if I should even worry about it. Help?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2013):

Nothing wrong with fantasizing or reading about it. Iv'e read it and it turned me on, but when think about doing it in real life with someone I know, it turns me right off. So I don't see the harm in it.

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A male reader, dirtball United States +, writes (2 March 2013):

dirtball agony auntSorry, but I think a lot of people have a misconception about incest erotica in general. If you haven't read it, you can't really speak about it with any real knowledge. It is NOT the same as porn. In general the father/daughter stuff (not all, but most I've seen) involves a daughter of legal age seducing her father. It's a fantasy on both ends. It often focuses on the deep love between them, the forbidden nature of the feelings, and the thrill of breaking those boundaries. The stories are NOT about sneaking into their child's room and molesting them. That's not to say those aren't out there, but the majority you find on sites like literotica are much more about the loving relationship than the sex.

I suggest you read a couple of the same stories he did OP (if you can find them). See what you think. It may revolt you, or you may be surprised.

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (2 March 2013):

YouWish agony auntIt's specifically Father/Daughter porn, and people wish they could have seen warning signs that the man they're living with is a child molester, as most of them look just like you or me.

I'm just saying, it's a rare thing to have it revealed that the man you're with gets off on Father/Daughter sex before you find out from a psychologically damaged daughter that Daddy used to go into her room at night.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2013):

I'm the most boring, harmless person you could ever meet. But there isn't much by the way of erotica that hasn't turned me on at some point. I've read lots of incest stories and enjoyed them; the idea of doing anything remotely like that in the real world turns me off completely. But I keep my fantasy world utterly private because few people seem to accept that one can really seperate fantasy and reality completely.

You almost certainly have nothing to be worried about. But, as someone said, if you aren't comfortable it's your perfect right.

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A male reader, Serpico United States +, writes (1 March 2013):

Reading about is fine. Obsessed with is a very different thing....

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2013):

There are websites on the internet devoted to erotic stories. These stories are written by average people who tend to have a paraphelia, a fetish, of some sort.

If he is only seeking out father/daughter incest stories and beastiality stories on these websites then he may have a problem.

If this behavior is new, it is possible that he did not know this sort of thing existed and his shock at finding the material so accessible has added a sort of novelty to perusing these stories. If he is a normal person, he is probably ashamed at being turned on by such content, but the shame also makes it more alluring. If he does not come to his senses soon and stop viewing these stories, you need to confront him and consider leaving.

The truth is, some people are sexually deviant and fantasize about sexual acts that are not acceptable nor legal in our society. For some of these people it is a phase. For others it is deeper and something that will always be some shameful part of their life. Some people write erotic stories so they do not act on unacceptable urges. Some people read them. The behavior has escalated when it progresses to seeking out and viewing images/video. There is no excuse if he seeks out images/video. If he mentions that he only looked because it is a 'taboo' subject RUN! Leave him immediately! He is attempting to downplay the severity of his depravity. I am speaking from personal experience.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (1 March 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntI assume the OP means porn.

I'm a sick puppy then too folks. I've read it.

I have had kids.. never wanted to have sex with them or my dad or my brother....

I've had dogs never wanted to have sex with them

READING stuff (and even being aroused by it, does not necessarily indicate that the person wants to actually DO that stuff)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2013):

My personal opinion for this type of situation is that its nothing to worry about unless your partner acts on this type of behavier.There are men and woman that review this type of matter because they are either curious of what it would be like,its a fantasy of theirs,their interested in the study of it,or its a turn on to them.Its nothing to worry about,it can possibly be a temporary phase their going threw.The time you need to worry is if he is nude with an animal and/or family member that you walk in on,or tries getting you into beastiality and or experimenting beastiality.Then its a red flag.

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A male reader, dirtball United States +, writes (1 March 2013):

dirtball agony auntGuess I'm a sick fuck then too! I've read incest stories (i.e. erotica) and been turned on. So what? Have I ever had, or will I ever have incest? Hell no. That's the fun part about imagination land, especially when it's written stories. It doesn't involve real people. Personally, I've never really been into the whole beastiallity thing, but hey, whatever floats a person's boat in my opinion. Who am I to judge?

Listen, fantasy is fantasy. Like Cindy said, it really only matters in how it spills out into real life.

What you need to do is talk to him about it. There are many reasons why he could be reading those stories. If it's a deal breaker for you, then walk. Most likely, it's pretty harmless.

When dealing with the erotic, there's always an appeal to the more forbidden. It's simply part of the nature. After all, even talking openly about sex is still taboo in many cultures around the world.

How deep do these fantasies run in him? Would you have to worry about him having sex with your child, or will he ask you to call him daddy in bed sometimes? There are degrees of everything that you will only find out by talking it through.

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A male reader, TrancedRhythmEar Saudi Arabia +, writes (1 March 2013):

TrancedRhythmEar agony auntYea if they r news stories dont worry but if they r erotic or fantasy I would def be concerned

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (1 March 2013):

CindyCares agony aunt I am ambivalent on that. In theory, fantasies are just fantasies, as long as you don't act them out IRL, all is cool. In practice, ..I guess I may be accused of wanting to censure thoughts and mental imagery, and , yes, I'll admit it, maybe it is so. Maybe people can't be faulted for what turns them on, but yet I can't be faulted for feeling very uneasy with people who have certain turns on.

I had a boyfriend that looked like a regular guy, sexually and emotionally. His sexual style was perhaps a bit on the rough-and-athletic side, but he was also very capable of tenderness and affection, so no complaints. He was not an aggressive person in life, in fact he was kind of shy, and he was never ever physically or verbally abusive to me.

Well, it turns out that he has this rape fantasy, that he gets excited imagining the aggression, the blood , the screams... ( also when having sex with me, I suppose, although I was too chicken to ask ). Omygod. I could not wrap my head around it , how can a regular guy, a NICE guy , have erections thinking of terrorized women who cry and beg for mercy ? To me , that should be enough to make anybody LOSE an erection !

Lo and behold,.. I could never see him as the same person from that day on. I won't say it ended because he told me his fantasy, but I guess it had something to do with it, to me he had become a different man, I had less respect , less trust, less tenderness, it spilled out in other ares of our interaction.

A friend of mine joked that I want my lovers only to have politically correct fantasies, and , what can I say, I guess it's true.

So my answer to your question is : Yes, I'd be worried, in fact more than worried , turned off , troubled and puzzled. We all have a dark side, but this is darker than I can handle.

But I also understand how other people may see it way differently.

So you should not ask yourself if his fantasies SHOULD bother you. But just IF they actually do bother you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2013):

To expand on what I mean.

I read an article last night about a woman called Oksana Makar and the effect her murder had on the Ukrainian political system. So I decided to do a bit of background reading. I read about the whole case in many articles, on wiki etc. From that I then decided to read about the prevalence of that kind of thing, stats by country. I then decided to pay specific attention to Ireland and read some stories about similar events here to compare the judicial responses. If you were to go through my browser history you'd see links to a tonne of pages pertaining to that topic.

A couple of years back a woman here in Ireland died as a result of an allergic reaction to dog semen. It was a big story. Again I decided to read about it and do some background research into the topic. You'd have found tonnes of things to do with bestiality in my browser history, did you know Germany only moved to ban beastiality at the end of last year? Interesting fact I learned.

Just because I'm horrified and revolted by some of the things I read doesn't mean I didn't find them interesting topics to research, being horrified can be a reason in its own, it's a strong emotion. 'Serial killer' gives you nearly 50 million results on google. My point is reading about serial killers doesn't make someone a potential serial killer.

Sure Dahmer may have liked to read about serial killers, doesn't mean that other people who read about them too are serial killers.

You you gave us very little info, but reading is a form of acquiring knowledge that is mainly done out of curiosity. You really can't judge a person in this way for what they read.

If you'd found a collection of beastiality porn or pictures belonging to him you'd have cause for concern. But reading is not evidence of anything like that, just like reading about the holocaust doesn't mean you're a genocidal maniac.

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A male reader, CMMP United States +, writes (1 March 2013):

I don't think she's referring to the news, most likely they are sexually explicit stories or she wouldn't be here.

I'd worry about being with someone like that. It doesn't mean he's a bad person and would act on his curiosity/fantasy, but because you can never know I think it's safe to say that you two fall into the "incompatible" category.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2013):

I've read stories about those too. I've read stories about rape, torture, murder, death, disease, molestation the most sick and depraved acts imaginable. Guess what it's called? The news. No it's not anything to worry about.

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (1 March 2013):

YouWish agony auntIf I were you, I'd be worried. Incest usually fills people with revulsion and horror, and bestiality is just disgusting. There are way too many instances of child molestation in the world, and it would be awful if you married him, had a child with him, and he molested her because he had been feeding those urges way too much.

I'm a mom. If I saw my husband being interested in incest stories or bestiality, I'd be beside myself, and I wouldn't let the issue rest until I knew for sure my son was safe and had never been exposed to anything directly or indirectly.

Many people on here throw around the word "perverted" or "perving". In this case, I'd call your boyfriend's taste in reading material perverted.

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