A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My fiancé works with this girl who I accepted as a friend of ours and as part of our group. He had told me that she had displayed scandalous behaviours in the past (had tried to sleep with him while he had a girlfriend and told him she would never find out) etc, he rejected her but even so I knew there was a good chance this friendship would be short lived. Even so it seemed like he wanted to be friends with her and vice versa. Nonetheless I was always nice and friendly toward her. And did not see her as a threat. Then a few weeks ago she "accidently" showed him and his friend an explicit video of her in a provocative/sexual situation giving a guy a bj. I was there but I couldn't see it. I asked why everyone looked so shocked and then they told me what she'd done. I was shocked and didn't say anything. A few minutes later he turned to me and told me he was really horny. I wanted to crawl out of my body. She then went on and on talking about her sex life to which my fiancé seemed a little too interested and engaged in the conversation, to the point that I couldn't have felt more uncomfortable. It was then that I started to completely rethink their "friendship." And realised she acts pretty seductive around him. Always flipping her hair around in not a natural way but calculated, trying to be sexy and always imposing herself on him. And relaying way too much information about her personal life and her sex life. I later confronted him to which he apologised profusely, admitted things got way too inappropriate and promised he would change his tone with her from then on. But he has actually been pretty wishy washy about it. He still goes out with her for drinks after work, in a group setting, but still. She does favors for him, gives him rides to run errands. He and a few other co workers took her out for her birthday. I was not present for any of this. In fact, he didn't even tell me that he had plans to go out for her birthday till after the fact. He later told me that when he was out for her birthday she started scratching his head to which he removed her hand from his head. She then asked if he wanted to go back to her place for drinks to which he said no. When I've told him how I feel, at times he says I'm in the right and he's sorry and other times he says I'm crazy jealous and she's just one of the guys. She's not. Their relationship makes me super uncomfortable. He finally said he would have a talk with her and tell her he can't be "friends" with her anymore. Which he did, he told her I was pissed off about her behaviour, and the video she showed him and I don't want her around anymore. And he told her that was totally wrong and he agrees with however I feel. She was really upset and tried to talk him out of it. Told him it was all innocent, the video was an "accident" and she has no bad intentions. And even tried to throw me under the bus saying that I'm just jealous and don't want him having girlfriends. He stood his ground. But he's been so wishy washy that I don't know what's really going to come of all this. And she's so disrespectful that I am sure she's going to continue to do things to try to seduce him. I don't know what's going on and I'm scared. I feel like she's trying to usurp me and I feel that he likes the attention. He's admitted that he would not like it if I had a relationship like that with some guy I'm friends with. They work together and he spends more time with her than with me. What should I do? I can't keep being angry over something I can't change. He has been so wishy washy that it doesn't seem like it's something he wants to change either. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2016): If he was half serious about telling this girl her behaviour is unwelcome he would've said "Hey ____, I can't be friends with you if you carry on behaving the way you do - flirting with me, showing me that video etc..." what he has instead done is completely bottled it and said "my fiance doesn't want you around..."
Let's be honest, he's encouraged her behaviour so it isn't all her fault. He's the one continuing conversation about her sex life (IN FRONT OF YOU! What do they say when you're not around would be my concern) and he's the one who continues to hang around her.
He hasn't cheated, but he's acting like a single guy and I wouldnt bother being with someone like that. I would especially be pissed off he had blamed me instead of growing a pair.
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (14 October 2016):
 Accident showed a porno of herself my arse. I just love it when the 'jealousy' card is pulled by bitches like this. I mean really, what the hell is too be jealous of? Oh bummer, why oh why cant I be a cheap and nasty loose piece of arse like you?- ho hum hey! Big yawn to her. Anyway, what to do... Personally, I would be suggesting that as long as she is in the picture there is going to be a problem. If he cant see that then he is a bigger problem than her. I would be pointing out further that him setting you up as the bad guy was really, really weak of him. She is not one of they guys thats just him sugarcoating her existence. She is a serious intentious threat. The way I see it, just because he tells you every now and then what she has said or done to him would give me a bit of a false sense of security. Like, he tells me so all must be ok. Its not the small stuff, its the big stuff she more than likely try on. he's not going to want trouble from you knowing that sort of shit. Or as you put it -wishy washy omissions. lastly I would defiantly be saying no more to socialising after work with her not even in a group situation. Ask him if it would be ok for you to have drinky drinks with some guy that wanted to get down your knickers and thought he was a wanker.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 October 2016):
 I think you need to sit him down and ask him this:
HOW would you feel if I had a male colleague who acting like this woman at work?
And how would he feel if YOU just dismissed his feeling about that issue by calling him crazy jealous and he's just one of the guys!
He is a GROWN ass man and CAN tell her; "enough you are being inappropriate." Instead? he MADE you out to be this sad jealous GF and that he somehow has to obey you.
SHE knew EXACTLY what she was doing showing that video. It wasn't a mistake. I think she is one of those women who aren't "happy" unless she can turn any man's head. If he has a GF the better it is. It's like a game for her. She likes the attention and your BF likes the attention. He thinks that because night has happened between them, it's ALL innocent, but it's not.
So have that conversation where you PUT him in your shoes, see how he likes them apples....
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (14 October 2016):
 I was reading your post and thinking "this sounds just like a work colleague of mine". She marched up to a guy at work, while his girlfriend was standing next to him, and told him "I want to screw the a*** off you"!!!!!! Now she tries to make out his girlfriend is a jealous monster for not being happy when he goes out with her in a group. For what it's worth, this guy has admitted to me that they (he and this work colleague) have got quite intimate a couple of times, though never gone "all the way". He admits she is trouble (she is actually engaged herself) but can't seem to stop himself sometimes. I think you have every reason to be concerned. Also, in your position, I would be extremely annoyed that your boyfriend had made you out to be the bad guy and had not instead grown a pair and said to this woman "I am not comfortable with the way you act around me, I think it is very disrespectful to my girlfriend, so I want you to either modify your behaviour to something much more appropriate or I will be staying away from you."Really feel for you. Not a good situation.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (14 October 2016):
 He's thrown you under the bus here. He's made YOU look like the bad guy who doesn't want him to be friends with her and has made it look like he doesn't have a choice but to agree with you. I think he's interested in her, maybe not for a relationship but because she's cheap fun to be with.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2016): Sweetie, I am so sorry you are going through this but you have every right to feel threatened by her. This slut is after your fiance. And what's worse is she is shamelessly and openly pursuing him even though she knows he is committed to you. She wreaks of desperation. Women like this like to take men from other women because they are insecure and like the ego boost. Even if she ever got your fiance into bed, she would leave him soon after for the next ego boost.I am shocked at how relentless she is and how utterly classless she is. Most decent women do not talk about their sex life in public. Nor do they make explicit tapes or show them to anybody whose willing to have a look. She has some serious issues. And she is trying to trap your boyfriend in her web by pulling out all the stops in her seduction strategy.You can see it. They can see it. We can see it.How pathetic she is.And I beg to differ. You are not the one who is jealous!! SHE IS. Remember you have him. She does not.I think you need to lay down the law here. Having female friends is one thing but having female friends who want to fuck your man and are trying to take him away from you is quite another.There is no room for 3 in this relationship. Period.You need to tell him flat out to cease all contact with this slut or your engagement is over. You have to pull a heavy here. I know it isn't easy but wouldn't you rather be with a man who chooses you and makes the choice to eliminate threats to your relationship? This is the man you are going to marry! This will show you his worth. His true character and how much he cares about you.If he loves you, he will terminate her existence from his life. And if that means finding another job then that is what it means. Because as long as he remains in that circle she will always remain a threat. And you will always worry. And she will always be a constant source of friction between both of you. It will eventually drive a wedge.He has to choose. Her "friendship" or your future. There is no other way. This sleaze is not his friend. She is a threat. She likes to hide behind it being a friendship but it's actually her way of worming herself in. We women must do what we have to do to protect our relationships however our partner needs to be on side.He's wishy washy? Don't let him. If you accept this, you are going to hate him and drive him away, likely into her waiting arms. Better to know now where his loyalty stands. Save yourself the worry and from her theatrics.You are right to feel this way and he has behaved like an ass. I would be furious with him if he was my fiance. Especially since he knows she makes your blood boil. Any good guy knowing you dislike her and feel threatened would disengage and stay away from her.How is your relationship in general? Are things ok? Do you have fun together? Communicate? Have good sex? Are you going through a rough patch? You need to keep things between you solid and be honest and communicate with each other. Is he mature enough for a commitment like marriage? Are you?
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