A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:me and my boyfriend dated 3 years ago for a year. we were truley in love. Because of my family not being to fond of him we broke it off and i was depressed for along time. I never really got over him and he never got over me. We met up again and my family grew fond of him finally. He is doing alot better. Has a great job. We started dateing again and have been for about 3 months and we have plans to save money and get an apartment. We are so in love with eachother and are with eachother all the time. I just found out that someone he had slept with before we got back together is pregnant. She is certain it is his. He said theres only a chance. He said he would do whatever i wanted him to. It hurts me that he will have to go through his first child experience with someone else while I watch. He loves me and doesnt care about the mother but wants to be there for the child, but said he doesnt have to and wil wait for the DNA test. Am I being selfish if I tell him not to go to the doctors appts and be in the labor room? This is so hard for me. What should I do
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female
reader, kmart +, writes (24 July 2008):
If only it was that simple i impregnated a girl while i was with someone i truly love we have been 2gether for 2 years the other girl is 19 were both 25 we all went to the same school which my girl already graduated. i barely knew the other girl but that doesnt matter now she recently had twins and how am i suppose to tell my girl who just ask me the other night was i having a baby i told her no i believe this is my problem and to keep it contained i cant tell my girl the other girl says its stupid but i believe in show and prove if im able to be there for my kids and un alter my life with her as time passes maybe a year shell see how me having a baby didnt ruin our life i know my girl very well and shes not stupid but i dont have many options im also going bk to school in the fall where the other girl will be she doesnt think well even be able to talk (alot of people at the school know who my girlfriend is and might tell her ive been talking to her my sister told me i need to get a pat. test but i kinda believe ther mine...you really shouldnt sleep with people you dont know inaddition she had a boyfriend around the same time so i dont know what to think i believe i can do the right thing because i feel my girlfriend who i plan on marrying and those babys are just as much my family as my mom or dad i need advice quick the other girl doesnt really care about me or my girl and she wouldnt be mad if i feel off the face of the earth another thing is she had the babies 2months early?
A
female
reader, haley 22  +, writes (22 June 2008):
i am in a similar situation. my boyfriend and i have been together for 3 months and he has been honest about the fact that he got a girl pregnant from the start. i am willing to stand by him no matter what as i am completely in love with him. the catch is that i am from australia and he is from new zealand. we live in london on working holiday visas and the girl he got pregnant is from sweden! he now has to decide whether he is going to move to sweden to support the baby. this is huge for both of us but especially him as he desperately wants to support his child and he feels that it is asking too much of me to move there with him. it is messing him up and now he will barely talk to me as he just can't decide what is the right thing for him to do...please if you have any suggestions on how i can make this easier for the man i love and for myself it would be appreciated!
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A
female
reader, lisa4mark +, writes (15 May 2008):
i am in the same situation now but worse he slept with her when i was with him it was just after his grandad died that he had a drunken mistake,but the girl has been saying its been goin on for 6months i dont want to belive her but she told me ages ago that she slept with him but i belived him but she was right,and he says he loves me and dont care about her but will want to be there for the baby and im ok with that but im really depressed now as i had an abortion a year ago as im to young(20might not be young for some people but it is to me)to have a kid and i dont really want a kid but now my bf has got a kid now,he will take a dna test just incase it isnt his,i dont no what to do some people are telling me to leave him but i have forgave him,i would neva cheat on him id have no excuses im not saying that his grandad dieung was an exuce but if she says it has been going on for long then i dont no what to do ,but i no i will stand by him no matter what but if he does it again then i wont be so forgiving,not trying to sound bitchy but i am really hurting and the pains goin to get worse and worse so please give me advice please thanks x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): Hi there, I too am in the same situation and am not sure what to do. My boyfriend and I dated for 10 months and we broke up. After a couple of months, we started seeing each other and reconnecting. Things are so much better now for us however during the break-up period, he got someone else pregnant. He says he cares for me immensely and thinks our relationshiup is worth working out. He said it would be my decision whether I want to stay with him or not knowing he is having a baby with someone else. He said he will accept anything I decide. I too think we are worth it and am so in love with him. I know that he is a wonderful person and has always been good to me. He is the one I want to spend my life with and form a family. I just don't know what to do. My heart is broken and I am so hurt. I really need some advice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): Same situation except he isn't my bf again....well yet. I decided to wait it out till the baby is born. His family is very involved in it seeing as its the first baby girl of the family. It upset me at first because I figured it shouldn't be her....it should be me but then I realized that I was the one who left and I cannot blame him for something that happened when we weren't together. Thing happen and people make mistakes and you can only learn from them. Ive decided to be optimistic about it. There really isn't much else I can do. i want to be supportive of him. And her for that matter. I used to see it as she was trying to trap him but I don't know if thats the case anymore. Ive always been jealous about it because I figured she got all the firsts. His first baby, first baby girl...ect. But then I sat and thought of all the firsts I could end up with....wedding, twins(which i really really want!)ect ect. I will also be that person the girl(Name:Alexis Mackenzie)may choose to go to when she doesn't feel so comfortable talking to her mother. I may be the first person to see her walk or talk you never know. If you love him so much then all you can do is support him. If he wants to go to ultrasounds and hospital visits then its his way of making sure hes part of the babies life and making sure the mother wont think "oh he doesn't care...he doesn't want to be around..well he doesn't need this baby then." My guy isn't all that excited about it but hes making the best of it. He has been to 2 ultrasounds and she has one month to go. He hasn't been a huge part of the process so I know if one day it happens he will be very excited when it comes to us. Im a very optimistic person. And I have support from his family. They know the situation sucks and they have told me many times that it should be me instead of her but its life. You deal. If you love him....your heart will find a way to deal with it. believe me I know the jealousy. My ways of trying to get over it are trying to be involved as much as possible. I have set him up for free stuff online and buying him a bunch of stuff for the baby that I know he needs and I know hes not going to be too keen on diapers so Ill help him change them and do the late night wake ups for him. He will be a great father. I know he will. He has had a lot of trouble growing up(which is why we broke up in the first place) and I think this baby may do the trick. I have seen him transform before my eyes. I have searched for someone in the same shoes as me and Im finally glad to see someone is. Just remember if you love him and he loves you, you will work through it no matter how hard it is right now. its not an easy situation to be put in. My family HATES him and they have never really gotten along and now with the baby on the way they say "oh ure going to be taking care of someone elses baby....oh theres baggage for you.....oh he will not be allowed near us or our house" theres a lot to deal with but I know you can work through it. "Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds. It bends with the remover to remove. Oh no! It is an ever fixed mark. That looks on tempests and is never shaken." That gets me through everyday!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008): im in the exact same situation, only, im the "other woman".
I know that straight away youd probably hate whoever your bf's gotten pregnant, but youve no idea what shes actually going through love.
I found out after a few months that the guy who i was seeing had another life with someone else he loved. Before i found out, it took one stupid night without protection, for me to find out after we split, i was pregnant.
I chose to have the baby as iv never belived in abortion (killing your own) which is my choice i dont need critisism or debates about that!
I regret ever paying him any attention, i dont regret having a baby! i told him more or less right away, he chose to go back to his love and propose to her, acting like nothings happned. His choice, although i have no respect for him as a father or a person. I really feel sorry for his missus though. she probably still has no idea what hes been up to. i dont think shell ever know. the point in this is to show you that if you love your bf enough youll get past the fact hes possibly got a child on the way and be grateful hes been honest with you. he technically hasnt cheated if you were on a break, and be thankful he wants something to with his child. it shows hes responsible, if happned to you, youd expect him to play a part in your childs life wouldnt you? i really stress you to see things from both sides of this dilemma or i dont think youll compromise.
Best wishes love
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2008): First of all you need to ask yourself are you ready to help bring up a child as this is not just your boyfriends responsability if you are in a relationship. Second of all you need to ask your boyfriend if he is really willing to give your relationship the full attention it deserves as having a new baby, in all relationships is a very emotional and testing time. However if you do love your boyfriend as much as you say you do the only thing you can do is be there for him and be strong as when this baby comes hes going to feel a lot of mixed emotions. as for the appionments and the birth why not ask if you can attend some of them that way you won't feel left out and you will also be sharing this special moment as a couple. Try and build a good relationship with the babys mother that way your boyfriend wont feel torn and your relationship wont feel the strain.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2008): It's up to you. Really, what do you think? You two need to have some serious conversations.Guys having babies by other women isn't always like it is in the movies. He loves you, he'll stand by you. But don't make him miss out on experiences with his child. If he wants to be there at doctor's appointments and in the labor room, I wouldn't stop him. Tell him that it's hard for you, but it's his decision. He can't really fob it off on you, otherwise if he has regrets later, it might be subconsciously be blamed on you.Its hard. Good luck. :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2008): It is his problem not yours. If he got the girl pregnant (which the DNA test will say yes or no to) he has to work out the solution. If he says he doesn't care about her, watch out - you could get pregnant and be in the same situation. He has to take responsibility for himself.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (25 January 2008):
 If he cares for you ,he should not be in contact with her till the baby is born and confirmed by DNA that it is his. He may have to pay for the baby's expenses or he could be sued for the baby's maintenance.
If you love him, you will have to accept this situation.You could try and see if you are able to live this way.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH + ♥, writes (25 January 2008):
 Hi there,
He made a mistake, and he should have been more carefull. But he sounds like a nice guy really and you should stand by him.
He doesnt have to go to doctors appointments, or to the hospital when the she is giving birth. But he does have an obligation to look after the child, which he seems to want to do.
Is there any chance that you could get together with the ex and lay the cards down on the table. After all, he wants to be the childs father (providing its his). And you could end up having the child stay with you, in your new home.
I know it sounds like the end of the world to you, but honestly, you can get over this if you love each other that much.
You just need to talk (all three of you) and lay down some conditions.
I hope you sort things out
XX
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A
female
reader, confused.i.is +, writes (25 January 2008):
 You should not be jealous of a child.Could it be you are concerned he might bond with the mother?Would you rather not have a partner who wants to do the right thing and be responsible? Surely that is why you love him, because of who he is.From the onset you can be part of that child's life too, if you are a part of his the child will be a part of yours.
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