A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 4 months ghosted a month ago. Everything was going very well until the last two weeks it all came to a screeching halt. He took longer and longer to reply and eventually not at all. I saw he logged back onto his online dating site. I'm so hurt and confused. He never answered texts and calls since then. I can't visit his home either because security needs his approval via phone call to allow guests in. My only option of talking to him is visiting his office in hopes that he'll come in that day but I feel so much time has passed and he obviously doesn't care, there's just no point anymore. I can't sleep or eat. We had plans for the future. He treated me so well, with so much care and respect. And suddenly he doesn't even care to say one word, not even a text, that he's leaving. It's tearing me apart and I'm fighting so hard not to reach out. I just want to see him. What do I do? It's tearing me apart and not knowing why is consuming my thoughts.
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (3 July 2016):
 Your post here is pretty revealing actually. But before I tell you, just know that I do not condone his actions. People who ghost other people after a few dates, possibly sex, but definitely more than a first date or one night stand, are immature. People who handle issues by ghosting are very immature, and I know there are more than a few people who feel that pang of guilt about ghosting someone back when they were really young because they didn't want the confrontation of face-to-face ending things. Not cool.
So I'm saying that it's your fault he ghosted, because he should have had the balls to say "It's not working out" to you. However, your post revealed what I'm guessing might be one of two reasons here:
You said you had plans for the future? At 4 months, people are making plans for exclusivity or haven't even exchanged an "I love you" yet because not enough time has passed to know whether or not this is a relationship based on love. If you two were talking about your future or saying "I love you's" at 4 months, then he could have gotten spooked off by things going WAY TOO FAST. Google search men's reasons for ghosting, and the number one reason was that things were going to fast or that the partner was clingy/needy. Relationships can't be made to progress sooner than they should.
I don't think he met someone else, because as you say, he's logged back into the dating site. Now YOU need to pick yourself up off the ground. The can't sleep, can't eat obsession is not healthy. You knew him for 4 months! It's okay to grieve, but maybe he saw you as drama and didn't want to deal with you flipping out in front of him. Again, that's not any excuse, and you have a right to flip out, but pull yourself together! Your ego was wounded and you're feeling the sting of rejection, but it's not YOU who is the problem. It's HIM.
So let go by realizing he was an immature flake. You may want to look at a better dating site than this one. Remind yourself that the sum total of your life and personality does not revolve around this guy, and get in touch with other aspects of who you are. The pain will fade in time if you stop feeding into it by obsessing.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 July 2016):
 Why would you need to "visit" him? He obviously is done with the relationship and wants nothing further to do with you. Yes, that may sting, but instead of showing up at his work-place or stalk him where he lives I think you need to accept that it was 4 months and it didn't work out.
As far as the "we had plans for the future" no, you didn't. You two talked FANTASY about the future. Talk is cheap. And that is what he did... TALK. His actions didn't match his words.
And no, he didn't treat you all that well, if he couldn't even be bothered to end it over a phone call or even a text but chose to "ghost" you instead.
While you might be hurting right now, you NEED to let it go.
He didn't WANT to be with you, it sucks but there it is.
You deserve a guy who is not all words, no action.
...............................
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