A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together for 1 year and a half. A couple of months ago he was at a party with some friends and he met a girl there. (she wasn't just some random girl, she's good friends with some people at the party) My boyfriend said she started talking to him and asked him if he would add her on facebook. They both had their phones with them so they did it right then. After being at the party for a while and talking with each other, she asked my boyfriend for his number before he had left, and he gave it to her...he said he didn't want to be mean and hurt her feelings. He did tell her he had a girlfriend though. It wasn't until a few days ago that we had a fight over this because she kept texting him while we were in bed (sorry to get personal lol). I'm upset that he gave another girl his number, I do think it's kind of inappropriate, and I never give my number out to other men. We had a long fight and he deleted her off facebook and deleted her number and he's upset. And now I feel like the bad guy and feel like a mean controlling girlfriend. I know my boyfriend wouldn't cheat, he really isn't like that, but he says he likes to be cool/friendly with everyone and doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings and that's why he didn't say no to her. I'm not scared about him cheating, but I don't agree with some of the things he does like in this situation.Am I in the wrong? Were his actions okay or inappropriate?
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male
reader, wise-guy  +, writes (2 May 2014):
You are not controlling. Sure there's nothing wrong with having opposite sex friends but texting and talking often is a bit off to me... There are boundaries you don't cross in a relationship. I mean think about it, how mad would your boyfriend be if you gave your number out to other guys and texted them on a regular basis. He'd be very annoyed I can tell you from a male's point of view. So don't beat yourself up too much, it's natural to be a little jealous or annoyed
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2014): I think it was perfectly acceptable for your boyfriend to become facebook friends and even exchange numbers with a girl who he met through mutual friends, especially if he made it clear to her that he was unavailable.However, if he's in a relationship with you, it's up to him to keep appropriate boundaries with other women. It was not okay for him to engage in long text chats with her when he is supposed to be spending time with you. It's leading this other girl on. Most girls who engage in long text chats with guys are usually hoping that something more meaningful will eventually happen, even if they're not "actively" trying.Rather than demand that he sever all contact with her, it would probably have been better to ask him to keep more appropriate boundaries by NOT engaging in long text chats with her when he's supposed to be spending time with you.If she texts him at an inappropriate time, he should either ignore it (and reply in the morning) or keep his reply short and to the point and make it clear that he's not available for a conversation. e.g "Hi, glad you had a good day. My g/f and I are just watching a movie before bed. Text you tomorrow. Night!"
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A
female
reader, cattycakes +, writes (2 May 2014):
I think he needed a hand because he got out of his depth. It is so easy to do with Facebook, everyone is friends. Then why not give numbers? Before you know it an assumption is made. You were upset because by being friendly he gave a wrong impression. It had to be stopped because she got the wrong end of the stick. Thank him for doing as you asked, he must have been embarrassed.
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