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My boyfriend dumped me by disappearing, should I give him a piece of my mind or just leave him alone?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 August 2014) 7 Answers - (Newest, 20 August 2014)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I was dating my boyfriend for about 5 months (not long). I'm 18 and he's 22.

He hasn't spoken to me in a week now. I've been very worried that something happened to him (that he was in the hospital or maybe even dead) so I've been texting and calling everyday asking if he's okay but never heard a word from him. I really thought our relationship was good and I thought he really loved me.

When I told my parents about this, they told me he's probably fine and that this is his way of dumping me. They said he just doesn't want to deal with the confrontation so he has chosen to just disappear. I guess they are right. My friend even told me she saw him at McDonalds recently!

It's very strange because the last time he talked to me, he said "Good morning babe how are you doing?" And then after that, even after I replied to that message, he never spoke to me again. And when I call him, it rings the full amount of times before going to voicemail, meaning his phone is not off but he's not declining my calls. This whole thing has me so confused and depressed.

I am so angry and heartbroken, and there's a lot of things I want to say to him, and they aren't nice. Should I text him and give him one last message with a piece of my mind or should I just never contact him again? Thank you

View related questions: depressed, heartbroken, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2014):

I know what you're going through because I have experienced a similar situation. The worst thing is not knowing why someone chooses to do things and not getting any explanation. As I always say, 'Silence is the silent killer.' A person feels a million things: confusion,anger, sadness, depression, shock... It's not fair.

However, it also shows that the guy is not exactly responsible or adult enough to be real with you. Anyone who doesn't value you with honesty is saying they don't value you at all. He could have said that he wants to break up, but he might have been afraid of a reaction or not like confrontation. It's still wrong and immature.

I know it's tempting to want to have the last say and give him a piece of your mind, but you'll probably regret it if he doesn't answer your texts. (Been there too!)

Sometimes we want to give people a piece of our mind because we just want contact with them, even if it's negative contact. We are so desperate to talk to them because we miss them. Are you sure that's not what is happening?

I would leave him be and not contact him again. He was the one who chose to walk away, not you. Don't pay for someone else's bad choices. xx

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (20 August 2014):

CindyCares agony aunt Let it be. He is a coward, he wanted an easy way out.. and a prudent one too, I think the reason why he is not just blocking your calls, but just letting his phone ring off the hook... is becase he reserves himself the possibility to think of some cockamamie weird story abot WHY he could not be reached ... in case he changes his mind and you should come handy in future.

Don't waste your energy in giving him a piece of your mind - I am sure he can imagine what you think about his behaviour, but do you think he CARES ? If he cared, he would correct it !

Do you think if you call him out on his bad behaviour, ... he will cry in shame ??... Unlikely. If he could dump you like that, it is precisely because he does not care how you would take it.

P.S. : We know he's not dead because he has ben seen around, but.. why did you think he could be dead or in the hospital ?..

If that had been the case, would not his family or friends have alerted you at once ?

Hint : if after 5 months of dating his family and friends do not know about you, or would not know how to reach you in an emergency, or care to do it... then you are not his gf, you are a casual date.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2014):

Your parents are correct that he dumped you like a coward.

If he avoided you because he didn't want a confrontation; do you really think he's going to stick around to listen to you while you give him a piece of your mind?

I know it hurts. It's best to maintain your dignity by just letting it go and never speaking to him again. I will bet you a diamond ring and a Cadillac; if you met a new guy, he will show up out of the clear blue with a mouth full of B.S. and some lame excuse.

If you want to give him a piece of your mind at that time?

Rip him a new one.

Meanwhile, give yourself time to get-over all this. Avoid dating for the time-being; so you won't mess-up on the rebound. Guys will take advantage of your weakened state. They will use you. Just fly solo, hangout with your friends. Flirt. When you've given yourself a few months away from dealing with guys and you feel better. Date now and then, but don't commit until your ex is completely out of you system. He'll come creeping back to confuse you, just to breakup anything else you find.

Your best revenge is to move on.

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A female reader, llifton United States +, writes (20 August 2014):

llifton agony auntI think she gets that the relationship is over .. she was just asking if she should give him a piece of her mind or just back out without a word.

If I were you, I'd just tactfully back out and not say anything. I know how hard that is when all you want to do is rip his pathetic ass apart. However, just hold your head up high and don't sink to his level of immaturity. You certainly didn't deserve this crap! Show him that by disappearing. Don't contact him again. He doesn't deserve it!

Best of luck to you during this tough situation.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2014):

I had the EXACT same thing happen to me. It was awful. I did thr childish thing and posted something only he knew was about him on Facebook. He then messaged me with some crappy excuse sating he hadnt talked to me because he wabted to "tell me he loved me in person". Ha. Yeah right. I would see him inline on Facebook every day while he ignored me! Turns out he had already been talking to another woman. Cut your losses, now! Don't let him know you're still hung up on him, just keep moving forward.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2014):

I feel sorry for women who cant accept or bothered to question something which is so obvious.

If something terrible happen to him for sure somebody will tell you. Dont you have any common friends.

I think he just dont want to talk to u thats why he disappear.

So why bother to ask what is obvious. Anyone can see. It is what it is.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (20 August 2014):

Honeypie agony auntDoes he know where you live? work? If the answer is yes and yes...

Then honestly, the best thing you can do is BLOCK his number. And accept that THIS is who he is. A WUSSY! who can't even break up with you.

If there is NO WAY he could have lost his phone and NOT be able to contact you (I know quite a few people and I would say 80% of their phone numbers I have stored in my cell, if I lost my phone.. I'd have to send them an email to get their numbers again.. lol)

As much as you would LIKE to get a reason why, you are not going to get it. If the asshat can't EVEN text a I don't think I can date you anymore, then he is not going to give you a reason why.

I'd block him 100% from my life and move on. He isn't a keeper, that's for sure.

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