A
female
age
18-21,
vero05
writes:HEEEELPmy 3-month old boyfriend confessed to me that he was raped by hi's cousins friend when he was 9 years old.But thats not it.After he was raped the first time he was raped by more people, girls AND boys, as he claimsHe also told me after he was raped he was sexually active for 3 years after that. (mostly men)I felt sorry about the rape part; but im not so sure how i feel about the sex part.Maybe im just dissaponted. I dont know.Ive taking a virginity pledge a looong time ago, he had told me he was a virgin too, which made me feel more comfortable.He does not want to talk about the issue, abut this is just driving me cazy. Im not supposed to tell enyone! So, f he doesnt want to talk about it, and i cant tell enyone, what can I do?I need serious help
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female
reader, Helpful Stranger  +, writes (13 May 2008):
 It sounds like he had a very traumatic past, and he didn't want to tell you until he was sure that he loved you, and hoped that you wouldn't react in an in-decent manner.
He can't help being raped, and if he was sexually abused once, then the chances are that he was very nervous after that first time, and may have become paranoid of the people surrounding him. I can only imagine how scared and traumatised he felt the second time that it happened, and each time his feelings would have become more immense and upset. As he became a teenager, as we all do, his body went through mental changes, aswell as physical, and he may have started to develop a different prospective on life. Him being attracted to men will have been part of that different prospective, and is now admitting to being a bi-sexual.
The important thing for you to know is that he only loves you, and there is no other man/woman in his life. If he admits to having sexual feelings for other people, or even being sexually active with another person, then maybe you two just aren't an item. However, if he tells you that you are the only person in his life, then you should respect him, and let him know that you understand and are willing to support him on the news that he has recently informed you of.
I hope that this makes sense =]
x x x
A
male
reader, rproctor  +, writes (13 May 2008):
Physically he is not a virgin, mentally he is. It is different for men than women though, as men do not "loose" anything after their first time.
He may take a while to fully talk about it... Give him time. If you dont feel comfortable with his past then there is nothing you or him can do because what has happened can not be changed.
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A
female
reader, DiovanLestat + ♥, writes (13 May 2008):
 He told you a secret. That's what it is, a secret. Forget you ever heard it. If he wants to talk about it to you he will. Otherwise leave it alone. He was raped, and everytime he talks about it he relives being raped all over again. You took a virginity pledge, fine, that's your right and your choice. He did not take a pledge, he has has sexual experiences (consensual and non-consensual) which are nothing to do with you, as much as you may be "disappointed" with him. If you can't accept this...you know the score.
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