A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend works a lot, and is often very tired when he gets home from work. He used to want sex every time we spent time together, but since he has moved in with me, he has become apathetic. I am currently unemployed, and I know that is stressing him out, but I spend all day thinking about him and building up desire for him, and then when he gets home he doesn't even want sex. I'm wondering if I am doing something wrong, or if he is just tired, or if he is not attracted to me anymore. I simply don't know. I am not worried that he is cheating on me at all, but tue other night he told me that maybe we weren't right for each other because I want sex all the time and he rarely wants it at all. That made me feel terrible. I don't want to lose him over this, but I also want to feel wanted. Please help!
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female
reader, PeanutButter  +, writes (31 January 2015):
 He may just be very stressed with the weight of the world on his shoulders right now and it just isn't something he thinks about or builds up to through the course of a work day. Maybe suggest taking time to get together and bathe together or eat together or just generally spend some down time together without talking or thinking about sex and see what comes of it. Sometimes when one partner realizes the other wants it more and they don't want it at all, just the pressure alone to want to do it can make it harder to get in the mood because it can become clinical or not quite as spontaneous as they might like. Keep an open mind and a dialogue about it but try not to be too hard on him as libido in men and women can change for so many different reasons and it probably is not because of you. There is always hope!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2015): Why would nothing ever change? It seemed to change from wanting it to not wanting it so with a little effort it can change back.There may well be bigger issues - like stress etc as you say. Try to reduce that stress. Hopefully he gets time off - try and do something special when he does. Set the mood, nice meal, wear something nice etc.That may help out, help him remember why he wanted you so much before.If after all the effort and its still the same, then yes maybe there is an issue. But you're a long way off that.Remember too things change when you move in. Suddenly sex is there whenever he wants it (so to speak - not literally of course as you have a say naturally!) - when you have ready access to something it isn't as desirable - that applies to lots of things in life, not just sex.Maybe even spend some time apart - see if that helps - he not having it there may too remind him what he has. Absence makes the heart grow fonder etc!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 January 2015):
 Maybe think about what he said, there could be some truth to it. What if you aren't right for each other? For how long will you continue to stay together if you're not happy and he's not happy?
You want sex, I totally get that. But he doesn't. And this is just the way things are, nothing about this will ever change.
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