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My boyfriend doesn't want anymore children and wants me to have an abortion

Tagged as: Pregnancy<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 October 2016) 8 Answers - (Newest, 26 November 2016)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hiya everyone I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years we have a 11 month old daughter I have another daughter from a previous relationship the problem is I've just found out I'm pregnant again but he doesn't want any more children he thinks I should have an abortion which I don't want to I really don't know what to say to him any advice greatly appreciated thank you

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A female reader, Dustmop Australia +, writes (26 November 2016):

Believe it or not people contraception can fail it is not 100% fool proof, You judging her when you don't know the situation does nothing for her and right now her emotional state isn't exactly about how you think less of her because of your assumptions. I suggest you don't go through with the abortion and I really hope you haven't. It will eat at you and make you miserable. You will resent him for it and become bitter yourself.

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A female reader, Eagle'sfan1986 United States +, writes (16 November 2016):

I think you both should sit down and talk about the plan of having another baby. Make him listen to why you want to keep the baby. Also listen to his side also.

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A female reader, Eagle'sfan1986 United States +, writes (16 November 2016):

I really think having an abortion is a really bad idea if you are pregnant. How many weeks are you along? If more than three or two weeks then it isn't up to him to make you have a abortion. Before you two had sex and created life inside you. You two should have talk about having more children or not having more children at all.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (31 October 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntIf you don't want the abortion then don't have it. Did contraception fail or where you both being careless? At the end of the day there is a life inside you now and if you end it when you don't want to you will never get over it.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (31 October 2016):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntThe question of why,at your age, you are pregnant if it wasn't planned isn't something for me to ask, but I do have to wonder what you were both thinking to find yourselves in this situation. In this day and age, when contraception comes in so many forms and is so easy to get, there is absolutely no excuse.

I think, if you go through with an abortion, it will probably spell the end of your relationship, as you will never get over it, considering it is not what you want. It is a major decision and, if you are talked into it against your wishes, you will probably never forgive your boyfriend. You will certainly never stop grieving for the child whose life you terminated.

On the other hand, this could be a deal breaker for him and you could end up being a single parent to 3 children.

You need to sit down and discuss this. Why is he so against having another child? Is it financial worries? Can anything be done to ease them? If you have an 11 month old child, then a lot of the things you have for her can be re-used for your new addition, hence cutting costs. Or does he have other worries?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2016):

He has no right to force you into anything. But he has the right to openly have an opinion different from yours.

The abortion question should have been discussed before you two had sex or at least pretty early on. Of course very few people (male or female) ever do that.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2016):

Sounds like he's trying to shut the stable door after the horse has bolted and should take some responsibility but ultimately it's your body and your choice. Nobody has the right to force you to do something you don't want to. Not if they have your best interests at heart.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (30 October 2016):

Honeypie agony auntI have a ton of questions for you OP:

Why does he want you to have an abortion?

Does he not feel he can afford another child?

Are you both working?

Do you have family support/ support net of friends?

Is the place you live in too small for another child?

Is he looking for a way out? Was he using condoms?

Were you on birth control?

Did he DECIDE this AFTER the fact? (as in did he decide he didn't want another AFTER you found out, or was he against another child BEFORE the pregnancy and either NOT using birth control/ condoms or did birth control fail?

Can YOU afford to be a single mother of 3? (Because that might be where you end up IF you choose to keep the baby)

This IS a decision you two HAVE to find an agreement or compromise too. While it IS your BODY, YOU will be the one going through all this, HE is also your partner and should have a say - doesn't mean, however, that HE gets to make the final choice.

If you DID choose to have an abortion, would you resent him? Would the relationship still work, you think?

I don't think there is an easy answer here.

Maybe you need to go see your doctor?

Talk it over with a friend whom you can bounce these thoughts off? Someone who knows your relationship and you better than anonymous people on the net.

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