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female
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anonymous
writes: my boyfriend doesnt trust me, his ex hurt him so badly(cheated on him with his best friend) i dont know how to make him see that ill never hurt him and he can trust me.. ive spoken to him about it, but its always the same... every time i go out i can see the hurt and worry in his eyes, he lets me but i know he doest trust me...please help, i love him but cant stay where im not trusted.
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female
reader, stina  +, writes (12 September 2006):
 Hello Anonymous,
You can't tell him that you won't do anything - it's not going to do anything. What you need to do is what you already have been doing - just stay honest with him. After he sees this then he will realize that he has nothing to worry about.
You say that he has had a horrible past when it comes to relationships. He has gone through a lot of pain and for many people in his position it would be a huge problem to trust anyone. Try to be patient with him (it seems like you're doing a good job of that now). But at the same time he shouldn't be hassling you about whether or not you go out. The relationship has to be balanced and not dictated by any one person. But, just remember, everyone takes their own pace in relationships. Just as any relationship has different problems that need to be worked out.
And, sorry, but I have to say that I do not agree with lying/"pretending" to your boyfriend to gain his trust. Doesn't that kind of contradict what you are trying to do? And plus his friend might tell him you are trying to plot a lie against him which would be even worse, don't you agree? Stay away from that.
So keep doing what you're doing and make sure there is open communication between the two of you. Trust will follow eventually and the relationship will grow from there.
Take care.
A
female
reader, helpful girl  +, writes (12 September 2006):
 the only thing you can do is prove to him that he can trust you by staying truthfull and honest and in the future hell see and realise he can actually trust you and has nothing to worry about. or maybe if your close to one of his freinds and they can keep a secret telling them to pretend they seen you out in a pub and some guy tried to put it on you so you slapped him! that way hearing that from his good freind hell think oh she is honest. also when somebody tres to put it on you for real telling him would be a good idea but also saying im telling you this because i swore to be honest then telling him some one tryed to put it on you but you had none of it cus you love him to much. but trust does come with time no matter how much some bodys been hurt b4 they always learn how to trust again!
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