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My boyfriend doesn't seem to care about me anymore. What can I do?

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Question - (26 January 2008) 54 Answers - (Newest, 25 March 2013)
A female Australia age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Hi I'm 21 with a boyfriend who just doesn't seem to care about me anymore. Of course he says he loves me I do believe he does. However, I am always the one who has to plan to go out for dates. I have a toddler with him and the babysitting organisation always gets left for me to organise or we don't go anywhere. I do all the house work and I struggle to get things done while my son is up and about as he is always making a mess. When my boyfriend is home he'll just walk over things that require to be picked up and I practically beg him to give me a hand to clean up and never does anything to make the house cleaner/better. I have explained to him that it's not for just my benefit but his also. As for our sexual r;ship I kiss and cuddle him before we go to bed and hint not subtly at all that i feel like doing it but he says his too tired (Should it be the woman that says that?) It's only until I stop kissing and go away clearly upset that I get any action. Like dates I am always instigater. For once i'd like him to take initative and do something for me, as i'm beginning to feel like he doesn't care about me anymore and is just going through the motions. I often make a point of stating that I don't understand the point of being in a relationship if you don't care about the other person anymore. Every few months I get so angry about it and it turns into a fight. Things improve for a couple of days then returns to exactly the way they were. I love him don't get me wrong , we have a lot of laughs but this is beginning to become a huge issue in my state of happiness. What should i do?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2013):

Me and my now fiancee have been together a little over three years now. were both still young, and lately ive felt how most of you feel. He wont get up and do much with me. But then he calls me lazy and says i never wanna do anything. I dont say you should end the relationships. i say just sit and talk, as hard as it may be. Tell them hey i dont feel loved, that you need to feel the fireworks all over again, let them know you dont wanna lose them but you cant just sit and take feeling so alone anymore. i havent yet talked to my man about it, but its cause hes busy or im busy or were not alone enough. but i can see in his eyes im his one and only. yeah i hate that he wont do what he use to. but right now were 18 and still trying to start a life so i know hes stressed.

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A female reader, Boredwifeboredlife United States +, writes (1 December 2012):

I have been with my live in boyfriend for 3 years, we were amazing the first 2 years.

Although we were young and lived at my parents house with no worries. They split out of nowhere and we were pretty much forced to get an apartment together. We have never spent a night apart from each other. I am very active with exercising and working, but he just wants to sit around.

I even started a new career path because he doesnt want to move so ican go to school. He wont go out with his friends, he gets mad when I go out and all he wants to do is sit around. We haven't had sex in over a year and he says it's my fault.

We both can't afford to break our lease or pay for the rent on our own. He won't get a hotel or go to his moms. I have no where to go and quite frankly I feel very trapped. When I tell him how I feel he gets mad. Then I cry and I have to do it quietly or he will get annoyed and throw things or punch things.

He tries to be nice to me, but I just get so annoyed bc he will have just ditched me then expect me to drop what I planned and sit around and do nothing with him. I really have no idea what to do.

I just want to be alone, I don't want to go stay with someone, I don't want him here.

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A female reader, Vivien8 United States +, writes (18 October 2012):

Me and my boyfriend been togethor 7 year have one son he is one now. Lately he is really busy with work and mostly tired i feel like we are old couples. we have sex only on the weekend seems really depressing i would be one make the move, makes all the plan, cleaning, cooking, well everything. and i am tired feeling really i don't know ... how i am feeling tired , bored, sick of it. yet i love my boyfriend and love my son very much.

I don't understand how people make it 30,40 years.

i feel like i am not so importand for me or special at all i don't remember when was the last time he said he love me!

we haven't go out maybe a year. i am really bored i wanna out date, just do something fun.

i am happy i found this page to see i am not the only one in a similar situation. little relieved.

Why some men are so different some aren't ?

I feel really guilty lately because i am looking at another man and i just can not believe that i am doing that. nothing happend or anything i kind of a liked when men paying attantion and flirting me. makes me pretty cause after a birth to my child i feel old and fat and not so pretty.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2012):

Try to start focusing on yourself and what you enjoy doing... trust me if it's going to last you guys need time to do your own thing daily. Hanging around with each other all the time is a bit drowning everyone deserves some alone time.

Try Gaming

-C

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A female reader, ashe United States +, writes (21 May 2012):

I am in the same position as all of you.

I also thought i was in this alone but i guess not. Ive been with my current bf for about 6 and a half years now, on and off. The beginning was great, even though we were young, and it was hard for us to see each other, he always made the effort somehow and i loved it. Then it went downhill like a yr ago, ive been struggling to keep this relationship, and trying to make things work, all i ever do is try and he just doesnt appreciate it.

Im always here for him when he needs me, im always forgiving, but his attitude towards me just doesnt make sense because he tells me he loves me but never really shows it. My friends tell me to move on and always say im too good for him but i just cant seem to do it. I really do love him and care about him, i really dont know what to do, im just stuck.

He used to be so happy to see me, and the majority of the time would ask me out but now all he does is complain, and he ditches me for his friends, he makes excuses for everything, and little by little i just feel so unimportant to him. Should i continue or should i just give up, im trying all that i can for us to stay together, but i guess now i just feel alone in this. PLEASE HELP!

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A female reader, Caleigh Canada +, writes (10 November 2011):

Hi ladies,

I am so glad I found this page. It does hurt, doesn't it? My story is the same as all of yours: my boyfriend used to be the sweetest guy. We have a long distance relationship at the moment, which makes it even harder. Things are absolutely wonderful when we finally get the chance to be together. We make each other laugh, we go out and do things, and sex is amazing and brings us so much closer together. But it's like he becomes a different person as soon as he goes back to his city. It will be four years until we have planned to get married, and I feel like my feelings don't matter to him at all anymore. He used to tell me he couldn't be without me, that he couldn't break up with me because then the best thing he could ever have in his life would be gone.

I'll admit I have my own issues. I've battled insecurity since I was fourteen after an abusive father. I went to counseling, fixing my problems, and I've gotten so much better. I no longer let it bother me when he wants to go out and do other things than spend time with me. I realize that it's different now because the only thing we can do together is hang out on Skype and talk, but I deserve better than being treated like a dog.

I know I am a beautiful person. When I was in high school, I wrote a novel. It was 350 pages and you can now find it on Amazon. I used to be the strongest person I knew. I survived emotional abuse, and I didn't lie down and take that from my own father, so why should I take it from someone I am choosing to be with? That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.

Don't we, collectively, deserve better? I know my boyfriend still feels about me the way he used to. I see it every time we're together, and I know it in the feeling in my own heart. I love him, and he loves me. But something has got to change, because I don't deserve to be treated this way, not by my father, not by anybody, and I am not going to tolerate it anymore. I am not going to be online for him to chat with every time he wants me to be. I am going to try what one of the girls suggested and not let him feel in control of his woman. He can try and win me back. I deserve to hear that he misses me. And if he doesn't try and win me back, he isn't worth my time.

Girls, let's make a stand. Aren't we tired of this? Don't we deserve someone to love us and treat us like princesses? I deserve that, and I want it, and I'm going to get it, if not from this one, then from someone else. We'll just have to see how he likes that.

Good luck, ladies. Take care of yourselves and your children.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010):

you sound to me like a lovely caring person who does all they can to keep things going around the house and in arelationship affection and love should be given to you and your kid at the very least its very sad that your man cannot see the true value of you .some people are just naturally like this it does not make him a bad person but if your not happy you should tell him how you feel and try to sort this out if you cannot then its time to think again

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A female reader, jonas Singapore +, writes (17 December 2010):

jonas agony auntSome guys are just the way they are, passive and insensitive. I once dated a guy like that. My sister's bf is exactly like that except your case is a bit more serious bcos you have a toddler with him and both of you live together so it's natural you expect more from him since he's a father to your baby and a husband to you too.

Basically, sad to say, you might not be able to change him much. Try not to change a person bcos it might deter him and he gets pissed off. It backfires and makes things worse. He ends up less proactive and not open to what you say. Esp where guys are concerned, ego is very important to them so when you broach this subject to them, you gotta be as tactful as you could and choose the right opportunity to talk to him, not when he's stressed or upset or angry due to whatever reasons which might affect him emotionally and cause him to think irrational. That happens when a person is not calm or level handed and let emotions rule. Then the next thing before you know it, we get into fights and it escalate into sthg major.

I would say, drop hints and clever hints esp when you want attention from him like you would want him to be more romantic and sensitive to your needs. Crying and nagging may not work for some guys. Oh I don't mean you are like that but think about this for a minute, why so many guys have extramarital affairs outside? Bcos when they're home, all the wife does is to nag and cry or threaten or scream (usually at kids) so when outside there are sweet docile women who knows how to win their hearts, men are at their weakest moments and fall for the temptations.

I hope all these helps.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2010):

OK. Why would you wanna stay with this person again?

I misssed that part of the story. It doesn't sound like you're with someone who is actually human. Maybe some kind of malfunctioning robot of sorts.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010):

I'm also going through the same thing, I've been living with my boyfriend for 3 years now and we have a 2 1/2 year old together. I met him at gap indistrys and found out we went to the same school, It was like love at first sight for both of us,we even graduated together. Soon job issues arised around three months into my pregnancy. he had just gotten a good job, but couldnt handle it. I myself couldnt work at gap anymore, because it requried lifting,and the smell of the dust made me sick, so i ended up losing my job, and he wanted to quit his, i got so mad and left him,but ended up going back with his promice to find a job. Ha ha was i so stupid, till this day he still doesnt have a job, though he did work for two months on 80/20 program but lost it when it ended. So now it has become a battle for me again, I feel like i'm doing it all by myself and for the past year we have been drifting apart. he doesnt touch me, he barley kisses me anymore, we don't have sex anymore. I'm lucky if i get it once a week, he so stuck on the televisin and his computer or video games. he doesnt look for work, unless i say something and that lasts for about two days and then it back to the same issue. last night i brought up all these issues, and we argued for about 20 min and i just went to bed and he slept on the couch.The next day he tells me he's sorry about the job thing and nothing else, says nothing about our relationship, he did get on the computer to fix up his resume and that was it. then he went right back to the tv and his computer, where he spent the rest of his day, except to go get dinner. myself i stayed in my room except to hlp with our daughter. Not once did he come in there to talk about us, came in to give me a kiss before he left for pizza and nothing else, by the time he came to bed, i was so angry, he puts his hand on my hip and starts to fall asleep while snoring in my ear, so i kinda moved so he would turn, and so he did, and then kisses me and said i love you,which he hasent said in like 3 or 4 days. I feel like he just doesnt care anymore about me or our relatioship anymore, he just doesnt do the things he use to do. He use to always listen to me, we were like inseprable, he even walked from fresno to clovis one time when we were broken up, because every time i left, he had a hard time letting me go, he would also go crying to all his family, but this is the crap i put up with when I'm with him, and he doesnt see that this is killing me. I love him and i don't want it to end but i really dont know what else to do.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010):

Im 21. Broken. For the last month my boyfriend stopped showing interest in me. weve been together for about 3 years. It hurts. Iv been an emotional wreck. But what ive realized is that you CANNOT make someone love you the way you love them. You CANNOT make him do the things he used to do which made you feel like he loved you as much as you love him. you CANNOT make him stop hurting you. you CANNOT make him care anymore. you CANNOT change the way a person is behaving, you can only change the way you are behaving. As much as it hurts (even more for you women that have children with these assholes.) you have to walk away. before your so broken u cant be repaired. Do this by living day to day. as much as ur hurting u cant keep breaking down its not healthy. if this means u have to walk around with ur head hung for a whole two weeks until u stop caring then so be it. But better to walk around depressed for two three weeks than suffering on and off for the duration of the relationship.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2010):

mine as well happens here so I always keep distance, less contact and text if he realy loves you he will still call u later sometimes guy needs a break....wait and dont rush if he doesnt talk to you just move on why do you have to be so sad just for one freak.

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A female reader, sara A Australia +, writes (2 October 2010):

I'm going through the same situation with my boyfriend.. Well, if you can call him that. He used to love me so much and tell me I was The One and he used to call everyday.. But then we got into a fight and went on a break for a month. The month ended and I asked him a few times when we're going to get back together but he would ignore completely. I love him so much but he doesn't care anymore and I know it. I want to let go and I'm tired of giving him chances. This is so hard for me and I've had 4 emotional breakdowns the past 2 days. I've tried confronting him about it but, again, he would ignore me. I don't want to fight for his love anymore.. Please help me. I'm desperate. What do I do? :(

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A female reader, MEHVISH United Kingdom +, writes (30 September 2010):

Im in the same position my boyfreind loved me to bits he wanted to see me everyday but now its like he doesnt now now hes not bothered the only time he remembers me is when he is in a mood for a physical relation i have gone through so much with him he my first boyfriend i have ever had now he doesnt care he never accepts his mistakes he alway expects me to say sorry for the mistakes i havent done but his done he makes so many promises but den he breaks dem 1 by one now before he use to stick to his words now he doesnt he gets his anger out on me if i was u and u have the same problem dont pick up ure boyfreinds calls and he will come running afta u make him jealous but dnt make him jealous by goin out wid sme1 but by sayin ma mtes boy likes me wat shall i do he gna be so jealous dat he will come running back after u and lisen to u dnt run back after him let him run back after u i aint phoned my boyfreind da whole night now he ringing me constantly da whole morning but i pick up and say im busy and lok of on him do da sme ure boyfrind will start textin u and will be compleatly fym wid u after dat

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010):

Tell him he doesn't deserve you silly. You are SIO much better.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2010):

It seems that the same thing has been going on with my relationship. At first he was so sweet and caring he would hold my hand and hug me in front of his friends and now im lucky if he even waits for me before he leaves the room. I tried telling him this that hes making me feel all alone and he always turns it around like itss my fault. He gets out of work and even today was supposed to be a extremely inportant day were finding out the sex of our baby and he had to work but right when he gets out of work hes hanging out with his friends and cant even talk to me. He hasnt seen the ultrasound pictures yet and doesnt kno what it is and he doesnt care. He says he still loves me and cares but doesnt understand that im hormonal and need him too show me that too. And its always been that my sex drive has been bigger than his but lately hed rather hang out with his friends all day than even spend time with me. I cant leave him ive thought about it alot hes made me cry more than anyone in my entire life but i couldnt even imagine my life without him.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2010):

the same situation is mine:( i m with him from past 2 years.he was loving me soo much. i feel from past few months he dont care me ..i told him directly that you dont bother to care me.. still he say he love me.. but the attitude and behaviour of him shows that he doesn't.. i m trying to come out from this. i dont really kno what to do..still i love him.. i couldn't forget him...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2010):

Im going throught the same thing. im with my boyfriend two years now he chased aftr me for three months before we even went out on a date, after that i thought fair enough hes grand and as we got to know eachother more he always seemed to love me way more than i ever thought i could boy was i wrong aftr about a year i noticed he wasnt making much of an effort anymore it was begining to be more me ringing him me comin up to his house al me me me. also he was way more affectionate at the begining now its lik a chore for him to hug or comfort me. recently iv said everything out in the open i said you either care or you dont make up your mind if im worth it wel stay togethr once u start to give a shit the reply i got was i think im making an effort and that he doesnt know its so easy for a guy to say that why is it so hard for us girls to just say fine then bye. i know somthing has to be done because i dont wana continue my life this way i believe all us girls should be treated lik princesses and we should be looked afer by our boyfriends or partners we deserve that in the least after everything we seem to do for them we bend over backwards constantly and they just dont care but why do we stil do it? i dont think anyone really knws its just the way it is. how would they lik it if we ignored them they wudnt like it atall its not ok for us to do it but when they do it its totally fine. i think alot of us are going thru the same thing just know you are not alone :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2010):

I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months now. For the first 4 months things were absolutely perfect! He was perfect. We were sooo attracted to each other and loved spending together. But around our 5th month we began fighting for about 3 weeks. Then things got better again and we decided to live together for the summer. At first everything was fine, we were having fun and having sex constantly. We don't have sexual intercourse as often, but that's not the issue. My main issue with him is that he never says I love you. We cuddle at night and kiss a little, and it's pretty sweet. But I hate that he doesn't say that he loves me. I think that it might be because we live together and I guess he does show me that he loves me in many ways. But my concern is that he might not love me as much as he thought he did and that, that's the reason why he hasn't said he loved me in 3 weeks. My advice to you is to talk to him, but that's the only advice I can give on account of my own situation. I think I'm going to have a talk with my boyfriend as well.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2010):

maybe he has been accustomed to you doing everything in the household such as cleaning and taking care of the baby. Maybe you should make him do it for a change, instead of begging to go out with him go out with your friends. Or have a serious talk about why he's acting that way.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010):

u should find what makes u happy, if it's not him then i guess it's not him, he seems like i dosent care and he is just settled where things r in the relationship. and he probly thinks that everything is fine, when to u it"s not. i say just break it off with him and find someone that will do anything and everything to make u and ur son happy

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2010):

Don't waste time on him anymore.its all about the chase. Once the mystique is gone so has he.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010):

I will give you all an answer. Men are very primordial, which means they are like ancient creatures which have never developed into anything more than what they were when created. They become comfortable with their surroundings that they have been around for a long while, and they become lazy. Men are naturally going to "woo" a woman to get her to fall into his trap, as an act of instinct. The "wooing" is when he's treating you well and making you laugh, buying you flowers, and making you feel loved and attractive. After you are in, he's done and he's got you stuck. It's a vicious cycle for all relationships. Sorry to break it to you, it's funny because I have the same problem, but I've realized that I will just do whatever I want from now on. And if he has a problem with it, that's just too bad, he wooed you. Now he's stuck with you. No need to let it be known, just do what you want, and he will chase you. Trust me. Men don't like to feel like they aren't in control of their women. It's instinctual. Don't have to be mean or bad to make him chase you. Just start making plans to do stuff without him...with friends or by yourself. If you do it often enough, he will start to want you around more!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2010):

Girls - wake up and smell the coffee! These guys are losers and I realize you don't want to be alone but ask yourslef - WHEN DO YOU MAtter and when does your happiness mater? iF YOU KEEP TAKING ALL THE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THESE SELFISH, SELF CENTERED, SPOILED BRATS you are going to go through life miserable, depressed, hurt, scared and lonely! Te3ll them to grow up and be responsible for soemthing once in their life - especially the ones who have children or a child on the way - ASK yourself - what kind of example as I setting for my child???

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2010):

I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years now. I was turning 17, he was 16. When we first went out, it was exciting, thrilling and fun to no end. We wanted to spend all the time we could together. After a few months, things settled down and we were comfortable with each other. We kept the spark going. But then 5 months ago, he just stopped all together. I would be the one asking him to go out, almost seemed like he was going through a chore.

We lost the spark quickly. No more nice comments, no more meaningful talks (or talks what so ever). Prom came around. He didn't say a nice thing to me. I had to bed him to dance with me. He hung out with his friends the entire time. I had a fun time with my friends, so nor egrets there, but between the both of us; it was lifeless.

Here I am now. I don't really know what to do. I will break up with him since the spark isn't there. Nothing is there. I'm only routine to him. A chore. And I've talked to him about it to, so it's not like I didn't give him heed as to what was going to happen. :(

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010):

Hello . My boyfriend is kinda the same way i been with him for almost 5years now and sents we moved to this small town in new york its like he wants nothing to do with me no more and we have 2 kids together, he says he loves me but he reather go out drinking with his dad then spend time with his family his kids and there ages are 1year and 6months old. and when i try talking to him about us he reather push me away , i get no option in nothing he wants or he fights with me. and he knows if i leave im taking my kids and he wont ever hear from me again so that why he wont let me leave. and yeah i get the im Tired thing also all the time when i lay next to em and move over treatment its stupid

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010):

ive been dating this guy for about 2 years now and we got engaged last summer. but for about 6 months now hes been slowly drifting of. he used to be really sweet. hed bring me wild flowers once in awhile, always make me hold his hand even if mine was a little sweaty, and things like that. now he doesnt seem to want to cuddle, hold my hand is like torture to him, and pretty much any attempt i make at physical contact with him seems like im just being annoying. im not the clingy type so i know im not being over whelming. when i try to talk to him he acts like hes bored. when we go to sleep he always asks me to scoot over even though im on the very edge and not even touching him. he just acts like he hates spending time with me. but he still says i loves you and texts me every once in awhile on his lunch break. i know hes not cheating or i would have found out by now since i live in a small town. ive told him a few times lately how i feel and he blows me off and changes the subject. the other night i told him if things dont change i was going to leave him and his response was "im tired night" and he rolled over. things havent changed any and infact i think its just getting worse. but when i go to leave him he asks me not to go. whats up with him? i guess boys are just dumb.

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A female reader, vanessaxoxo United States +, writes (31 May 2010):

Hey ladies yes . . .i thought i was alone in this problem however after reading your stories i know im not. I've never been in a relationship before that i had to BEG by bf to leave the house with me. Here's my advice;Ladies w the kids(i have 3) men are scared of responsibility! they will handle it different #2; they dont realize what your going through bc there not make them . .give them no way out of taking care of the kids for entire day plus pump the kids on sugar befor you go lol new respect 4 u :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2010):

Its been two years since you've posted this, so I really hope for your sake, that things are better.

I'm going through the same thing with my boyfriend though, but he actually said it out loud. He said he doesn't care. He told me that he's stressed and that he "can't" care now. He told me he needs time. So i agree to give him time and suggest that we go on a break but he says he doesn't want that. Now i don't know what to do, because i can't deal with him not caring and still be with him.

Oh and also, I read the comments here and most of you said that your boyfriend isn't into sex. Well thats all that my boyfriend seems to care about. Its been a 2 year long relationship so I can safely say that he's not in it for just the sex.

Boys are SO complicated.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010):

Wow i had no idea so many people went through this. Me and my bf are only 14 butm we've been going out going out for over 8 months. He used to spend every moment of his time worshiping me but now it's a struggle to get a text out of him. He's always busy so we can never meet up and I keep thinking I should end it but he's such a wonderful person. Problem is whenever I tell him that I get a smile and that's it. I'm going to try giving him what he wants, if he wants to be distant fine I'll be distant as well

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010):

Stop nagging. Men don't like confrontation, what they want to say is shut up and f*** off but they hold it in because that's what men do. Then this slowly builds into resentment and as soon as that happens it takes a lot to get it back. Also make sure he has his own space even if you are soooooo in love that every moment is awesome eventually if that time is not kept special it will turn in to a prison sentance.

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A female reader, keakakona11 United States +, writes (30 March 2010):

wow, i feel so much better now that i know that so many other women are going through the same thing. im 18 and my boyfriend is 19. we dont have a kid together, but weve been dating for almost 9 months now, and in the beginning he was great, he made me feel so beautiful and always made me laugh. he told me that i was "the one" and that he wanted to marry me one day. throughout our relationship weve had alot of rough spots, mostly because he was talking to his ex girlfriends and sometimes even telling them that he loved them and wanted to be with them still. i know he nver cheated on me becuase he was always at my place, but it still hurt that he would say those things. and we were always getting into BIG fights, he would push me around and one time even threatened me with a knife. i shouldve dropped him then but like a fool i just kept on taking him back. hes been living with me throughout the whole relationship until about a week ago, when we got into a fight and he went back to his parents. i at least expected a phone call but he never called, so i kept on calling him...until 2 days ago when i realized that if he doesnt care, then why should i care? i think what happened is that i was always bending over backwards for him, and he didnt appreciate it and thought that he could just walk all over me. i decided that i dont deserve being treated that way and finally broke up with him. it hurts and i do miss him but i told him that im done with the way he treats me. theres too many pretty girls out there that let there boyfriend treat them like crap and keep going back to them. ladies, i know it hurts to let someone you love go but think about it, does he really love you if hes treating you like dog poo? the pain from being treated that way is worse than the pain from letting them go. you may think you need him but promise me youll be better off without him. it took me a while to realize this but already im doing better, focusing on school and being healthy, also i have more time for my friends and family who are very supportive. and it also helps that i can now flirt with and talk to any guy i want, without him criticizing my every move. sometimes you need to think about whats best for you in the long run, and not just the present. heartbreak is painful, but eventually the pain goes away and you feel better. if he really does love you, then he will realize what a good thing he had and how much he doesnt want to lose you and he will change. if not then you need to let him go!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009):

I seem to be having the same problem

Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 2 years when in my final year of school I got pregnant.

We moved into an apartment that is just not suitable for us anymore and a few months ago he was more then welcome to help out in finding a new one...now anytime i talk about it, it becomes this huge fight.

Anytime I ask him to do anything he just seems to think I am nagging him and says "you knew the way I was when you moved in with me" He always tries to turn thing around and make it my fault and he almost wants to ignore the fact we are having a child, yet anytime I threaten to leave he says oh yeah your going to take my child away from me.

I am so frustrated with my life right now, I am a full time student, pregnant, hormonal and ready to blow. I love him but I just don't know what to do anymore everyday I see him I get more and more angry that nothing is being accomplished and I just don't think he realizes that things are gong to start to happen sooner then he thinks, and having a child cannot be ignored.

If anyone has been in a similar situation please HELP

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2009):

hey i am going through the same thing. we have only been together 7months. at about only 5 months he seemed to not care anymore. i think the best idea is to STOP planning things, STOP cleaning up after him and only after yourself. Be distant and he will slowly realize somethings missing..you! hes used to you laways being there to help so hes not going to appreciate you. give him space, and i know its hard but dont reply to text, or if he calls you, now and then just dont pick up. not to the extent where hes angry of course, but just so he realizes he loves you and needs you!! xxx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009):

I've been reading through all these answers, and i'm so amazed i'm not the only one going through these same problems.

Me and my boyfriend have been going out for 2 years. When we were first going out everything was amazing, he would make me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. But in the past year things have gone down hill tremendously.

He calls me names, acts totally different around his friends, says he "Can't be bothered to listen to my problems", doesn't ask me out on dates together - It's just generally depressing! It's horrible. I know what you're all going through

But...

I've come to realise that it's US who needs to change. If you girls are anything like me, you're the one who is ALWAYS nice, always offering to do things for them, never saying no, generally not sticking up for yourself.

When me and my boyfriend have an argument, things get out of hand quickly because I get overemotional. I've lost a lot of friends due to the fact I spend all my time with him.

Things have changed dramatically between me and him in the past 2 weeks. I've changed my attitude, I no longer do EVERYTHING for him. If he asks for a drink, I tell him he's got legs and he can get it himself! In arguments, I act cool and calm now, it's amazing how just thinking before you speak can really make them listen. In general, you should be your own person, don't let your guy let you feel like this. If he asks for space - Give it to him! It will make YOU feel a lot better for it, and it'll spice the relationship up.

After a year of depression, i'm finally waking up. It's so nice to hear him say "I Miss you so much.". Take control of your relationship again. Be the strong one. Men love a woman who can fend for herself :)

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A female reader, beautyindifferantways United States +, writes (13 August 2009):

my boyfriend used to be so loving, he never wanted to be away from me, he was always touching me and telling me he loves me.we have been together for almost a year. i love him so much but he has changed so much. he makes fun of me, he pushes me down, and he messes with me and alot of times it hurts but i cant stop him. i have the flu right now, and i wanted to spend the day with just him, well he invited his friend over to drink, and when i confronted him about it he said "come on babe, i just wanna party tonight, cant we spend the day together tomorrow". even though i know he wont. i feel like he doesnt care if i'm around or not and it hurts.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009):

I find myself in a similar situation.

I think the answer that all of us are looking for is for someone to suggest for us to end our relationship.

However, with that being said, it is the near impossible thing to do for we care too much still.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009):

I too am going through this. We have a 7 month old and I love him so much. We have been together for 2 years and lived together for 1. He is an alcoholic that hasnt drank in a few months. I know its a struggle for him everyday but it tells me that he wants to be better for our family...but at the same time he gives us no attention, time, love, appreciation, nothing. He tells me I am being ridiculous and that I am being a punk all the time. I am tired of cleaning up, taking care of the little one, doing everything by myself. Its not fair that I have to feel like this...but at the same time I can not leave him because I DO care about him, want him to be happy, and love him with all my heart. He doesnt ever want to be around me even though he says he is around me more then anyone else...being around someone and talking to them and loving them is different. I dont know what to do. A few months ago he told me either do something about it (like leave) or get over it because he is not going to change. I think that even though I love him I dont think I can take much more of this... this is the hardest decision I have had to make but I dont know how to live like this and be treated like Im not good enough or I dont deserve to be treated good. I just dont know what to do...I love him and want to stay but at the same time I know that soon I have to leave if I want to be happy one day...its so hard though...

How do I leave the guy that is my life but who doesnt feel the same way about me...its just not fair.

When I treat him like that he comes around and gives me attention and love and I give him everything but then very soon even within minutes when he knows that I am sticking around still he up and leaves...I just cant do it anymore..but how do I leave?

If you read this and are going through the same thing be stronger then I am and leave as soon as you can even if its hard...if he loves you then he will fight for you and change if not then its better you go out now rather then waste more of your precious time on him...even if you love him he is not worth your suffering and tears.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2009):

Hi, my situation is the same i've been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years now and at the begining he was totaly into me calling me txtin me non stop always wanting to find out where i was or what i was doing or even just call to speak to me he was really caring and it made me feel really special, however things have slowly changed and it seems like now he does nto care at all about anything, i always say this to him but he tells me how much he loves me and remainds me of things he has done for me and i end up goign to square one again, his temper has gotten quite bad uswell and whereas before it was me puttin the phone down now its him, i'm also so paranoid about him which i was never before and he was more like i was , i dnt knw what to do its really depressing me and i just want to be happy, i love him so much and i dnt want to leave him but sometimes i wonder whether he actually loves me as much as he says he does.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009):

Yes,I have a quite similar problem with you. I guess all guy is just the same. They will only appericiate when you are gone. =(

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009):

I have the exact same problem. My boyfriend actually told me he has no compassion left for me because my emotions bore him. Admitedly I have been really sad a lot in our relationship, but I've had a rough year including some family deaths, illness, and falling out with close friends.

Its not just that, to make up for being sad alot, I try and be the best girlfriend I can, cleaning up (even though its his house we live at), making him dinner, often flirting suggesting sex. He doesn't seem grateful and he's never in the mood for sex. If he is, he asks for oral instead but then is always too tired to return the favour.

Despite all this I love him unconditionally. The way I'm trying to solve it is not clean up, not instigate sex and things like this. I'm hoping that when he notices the change it can lead to us discussing things properly. Maybe you could try the same?

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A female reader, aintgottaclue United States +, writes (11 April 2009):

all these answers and none of us have an answer, wish i had one that would solve everyone problem.

my issue, i have no idea what i was thinkin but i did fall in love. why do they sweep ya off your feet and within no time, start treatin you like your a dog? i am 32 with no kids, never married, self employed and have taken great care of myself since age 18 and i get with a guy whos divorced with two kids and has two kids out of state with another woman whos a COMPLETE PSYCHO.

not to mention he is a tryin to recover alcoholic,never romantic anymore,i feel like he lies and he refuses to communicate and seems to always put me down and try to make me feel bad about myself.

why? it doesnt work though, i know how good i am and so should all of you. never forget that. hell, i clean his house with no help from him or kids, never a thank you for anything i do and i have went the distance for this one.

i keep giving and all i get is grief in return. you wouldnt believe the crap i have put up with. those great moments seem to be gettin fewer and farther between. i am pretty sure that i am just a crutch anymore, i am a great help to him and his crazy life.

so why am i still here, i cant answer that? i wish i was wrong, but he never makes me feel better about anything, he walks out and leaves me here alone and acts like anything i feel or have to say is not important at all.

but i am expected to listen to him all the time, and i still do simply because i am a good person with a huge heart and refuse to let someone turn me into them or bring me down to a level that is not me. he is a totally different man but is always sayin im the one thats changed,

well, i have changed but only in one way. i am confused and alone where i was once adored and loved. what happens? i am sorry i cant help you but know that you are not alone, your never alone. hell if ya were, then that would mean that the rest of us all had great men. lol.

hope i atleast made ya laugh.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009):

hello. im sorry to hear what you are going through. kids usually change a relationship and sometimes it makes partners come closer. now what I see is that many people are going through thes, but women i think like it since they are still there. You should try and be more INDEPENDENT and value your self more. Stop thinking of all the bad things are happening, think "POSITIVE" and you will attract positive thoughts and you won't be so depressed. I read that when you are always thinking about the bad things, well it gets worse since you are always thinking about it. Think positive be grateful for you health, kids, and life. On the bf or husband, after you seem to be grateful for what you do have, you will have a more clear vision on what's really going on and you won't have to ask no one. i hope this can help you at all. :)

much love

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2009):

My boyfriend of 7 years same way. In fact he actually told me today that he doesn't care anymore. I am so upset and hurt. I really don't know what I did. We have 3 children together ages 4, 2, and 6 months. And I'm only 22 years old. I'm sorry I couldn't be of any help.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2009):

I have the same issue. I bend over backwards for my boyfriend. Do everything in my power to make him happy, yet still get walked all over. I find it hard to be treated day in and day out like a maid and never get anything in return. The most I can say is that maybe you and I both need to leave these guys and see how they deal. If it's really a big deal they'll come back.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2009):

I don't know what to tell you I have the same problem, im 20 and we have a 7 mth old son. And it just seems like he thinks what he wants to do is more important and I dont know how to change that, maybe leave for a while and maybe he will realize he misses you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2009):

hi i am in the same situatiuon as everyone of you ive been with my boyfriend for over 3 years and we have a one year old daughter. At the begining of our relationship it was great hugging kissing couldnt be seperated it was as if we had been glued together but now he only wants me as a slave and someone to clean the house and look after the baby i feel worthless. i dont even get hugs anymore only if i ask but he never looks happy to be close to me never mind a hug or a kiss. i just want to feel wanted because at the moment i feel as if i have nothing to be happy for.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008):

Well, im not sure if this will make you feel any better, but i have been wth my b/f for almost 2 years now, and let me tell you - at the beggining of our relationship we were one of those couples that just make you want to vomit! we couldnt take our hands off eachother and only ever came up for air - and them sometimes not..

Slowly, as i began to love him as much as he loved me he began to slow down. Sometimes i look back and wonder whether its just te chase men are after. But once we become too available its just not fun anymore. Now if i try to hug him or cuddle or kiss, he looks at me with a face of disgust - as if why am i doing that?... I tell you what - boy does that just hurt!!!

But you justify it - you love them. But once again - could you go on living like that for the rest of your life. Or will he change? i bet he wont.. no amount of talking or anything will change a mans behavioural tendancies

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008):

Right now i'm too going through the same situ. I'm 21 & he's 24. (we still haven't had sex)we have been going out for almost 2 yeras & he's totally ignoreing me and never care nor want me in that way! I've tried talking to him about this matter but it always ends up with a fight.I sometimje ssay that i want to break up, but after few hours he's talking to me as if nothing happend! as you mentioned I have o do all the planning for us, he never shows interest in me.he's only free on sat's but now he always says that he's giving me the only sat he has & so on & so on. according to him he dosen't have any one else, and i have to spend for everthing. even if we go out on a date i have to pay the bill and his phone bill and .... he won't even let me go! and he sumtimes say's he love me through via text msg? do you think he still cares me and alos he never gets turned on when i'm around? never want to kiss me.... please help me....

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2008):

I am having the same issues. My boyfriend and i used to be hugh on affection, both kissing and other things, but now, just like you i feel like im his maid. I also feel as though we are going through the motions. I once got so mad at my boyfriend i actually told him he might as well be a woman, he puts up that many excuses for not being intimate. Things went well for almost a year, now it seems as though they are going back. I have gotten 3 pecks from him in three weeks, and i am starting to get fed up. My advice to you is what my friends have told me and what i am doing now. Just leave him alone. stop talking to him and give him his space. Just act as though you dont care and stop planning things, like dates. If he really cares about you then he will notice the lack of attention and start thinking about why you've stopped. Pretty soon, if you have enough patience, he wil come around. I have learned that men go through emotional issues just like women go through pms. If nothing changes, then it might be time to move on. Even though you have a toddler with him, its whats best for the baby. The baby cant grow up with you two going through such hard times, trust me i have a five year old and i had to divorce my ex for the same reason. i understand and i hope this helps.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2008):

You should totaly get out. LIke he doesn't respect you you should go out and find somthign else yo do. hot dogs potato chips hockey OMG

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2008):

I am also having this issue with my boyfriend. it's both confusing and frustrating. I'm just trying to let most of the smaller things that tick me off go...so right now i just tell him i love him and give him most of his space. sometimes i get a good response and other times i won't get much back.

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (27 January 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntYour b/f is a couch potato?They don't do much helping in the house.He only takes and seldom gives. It is more like you have to mother him and gets nothing in return.

You will have to tell him what you want from him in this relationship.You need to tell him , he need to initiate more .

As being messy , he sees it differently. I guess , you need to save your energy abit by not being too clean or particular about the way he does things , which is not by your standards of cleanliness.

You sometimes need to allow him to do things his way.When he does not do things your way , you feel frustrated. You should learn to tolerate some of his habits. It takes time to change and you cannot expect a miracle over night.

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A female reader, Lila United States +, writes (27 January 2008):

Lila agony auntHe kind of sounds depressed, maybe you should suggest that he talk to someone. Has he experiences a loss, does he feel he's not going anywhere with his job, maybe too much overtime, he could just be tierd. If it's none of the obove give him a good kick in the ass and tell him to get over himself. The child care arangement issues/household cleaning issues are pretty typical of men, those issues will likely always be a battle.

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