A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi I'm 21 with a boyfriend who just doesn't seem to care about me anymore. Of course he says he loves me I do believe he does. However, I am always the one who has to plan to go out for dates. I have a toddler with him and the babysitting organisation always gets left for me to organise or we don't go anywhere. I do all the house work and I struggle to get things done while my son is up and about as he is always making a mess. When my boyfriend is home he'll just walk over things that require to be picked up and I practically beg him to give me a hand to clean up and never does anything to make the house cleaner/better. I have explained to him that it's not for just my benefit but his also. As for our sexual r;ship I kiss and cuddle him before we go to bed and hint not subtly at all that i feel like doing it but he says his too tired (Should it be the woman that says that?) It's only until I stop kissing and go away clearly upset that I get any action. Like dates I am always instigater. For once i'd like him to take initative and do something for me, as i'm beginning to feel like he doesn't care about me anymore and is just going through the motions. I often make a point of stating that I don't understand the point of being in a relationship if you don't care about the other person anymore. Every few months I get so angry about it and it turns into a fight. Things improve for a couple of days then returns to exactly the way they were. I love him don't get me wrong , we have a lot of laughs but this is beginning to become a huge issue in my state of happiness. What should i do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): I find myself in a similar situation.
I think the answer that all of us are looking for is for someone to suggest for us to end our relationship.
However, with that being said, it is the near impossible thing to do for we care too much still.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): I too am going through this. We have a 7 month old and I love him so much. We have been together for 2 years and lived together for 1. He is an alcoholic that hasnt drank in a few months. I know its a struggle for him everyday but it tells me that he wants to be better for our family...but at the same time he gives us no attention, time, love, appreciation, nothing. He tells me I am being ridiculous and that I am being a punk all the time. I am tired of cleaning up, taking care of the little one, doing everything by myself. Its not fair that I have to feel like this...but at the same time I can not leave him because I DO care about him, want him to be happy, and love him with all my heart. He doesnt ever want to be around me even though he says he is around me more then anyone else...being around someone and talking to them and loving them is different. I dont know what to do. A few months ago he told me either do something about it (like leave) or get over it because he is not going to change. I think that even though I love him I dont think I can take much more of this... this is the hardest decision I have had to make but I dont know how to live like this and be treated like Im not good enough or I dont deserve to be treated good. I just dont know what to do...I love him and want to stay but at the same time I know that soon I have to leave if I want to be happy one day...its so hard though...
How do I leave the guy that is my life but who doesnt feel the same way about me...its just not fair.
When I treat him like that he comes around and gives me attention and love and I give him everything but then very soon even within minutes when he knows that I am sticking around still he up and leaves...I just cant do it anymore..but how do I leave?
If you read this and are going through the same thing be stronger then I am and leave as soon as you can even if its hard...if he loves you then he will fight for you and change if not then its better you go out now rather then waste more of your precious time on him...even if you love him he is not worth your suffering and tears.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2009): Hi, my situation is the same i've been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years now and at the begining he was totaly into me calling me txtin me non stop always wanting to find out where i was or what i was doing or even just call to speak to me he was really caring and it made me feel really special, however things have slowly changed and it seems like now he does nto care at all about anything, i always say this to him but he tells me how much he loves me and remainds me of things he has done for me and i end up goign to square one again, his temper has gotten quite bad uswell and whereas before it was me puttin the phone down now its him, i'm also so paranoid about him which i was never before and he was more like i was , i dnt knw what to do its really depressing me and i just want to be happy, i love him so much and i dnt want to leave him but sometimes i wonder whether he actually loves me as much as he says he does.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009): Yes,I have a quite similar problem with you. I guess all guy is just the same. They will only appericiate when you are gone. =(
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009): I have the exact same problem. My boyfriend actually told me he has no compassion left for me because my emotions bore him. Admitedly I have been really sad a lot in our relationship, but I've had a rough year including some family deaths, illness, and falling out with close friends.
Its not just that, to make up for being sad alot, I try and be the best girlfriend I can, cleaning up (even though its his house we live at), making him dinner, often flirting suggesting sex. He doesn't seem grateful and he's never in the mood for sex. If he is, he asks for oral instead but then is always too tired to return the favour.
Despite all this I love him unconditionally. The way I'm trying to solve it is not clean up, not instigate sex and things like this. I'm hoping that when he notices the change it can lead to us discussing things properly. Maybe you could try the same?
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A
female
reader, aintgottaclue  +, writes (11 April 2009):
all these answers and none of us have an answer, wish i had one that would solve everyone problem. my issue, i have no idea what i was thinkin but i did fall in love. why do they sweep ya off your feet and within no time, start treatin you like your a dog? i am 32 with no kids, never married, self employed and have taken great care of myself since age 18 and i get with a guy whos divorced with two kids and has two kids out of state with another woman whos a COMPLETE PSYCHO. not to mention he is a tryin to recover alcoholic,never romantic anymore,i feel like he lies and he refuses to communicate and seems to always put me down and try to make me feel bad about myself. why? it doesnt work though, i know how good i am and so should all of you. never forget that. hell, i clean his house with no help from him or kids, never a thank you for anything i do and i have went the distance for this one. i keep giving and all i get is grief in return. you wouldnt believe the crap i have put up with. those great moments seem to be gettin fewer and farther between. i am pretty sure that i am just a crutch anymore, i am a great help to him and his crazy life. so why am i still here, i cant answer that? i wish i was wrong, but he never makes me feel better about anything, he walks out and leaves me here alone and acts like anything i feel or have to say is not important at all. but i am expected to listen to him all the time, and i still do simply because i am a good person with a huge heart and refuse to let someone turn me into them or bring me down to a level that is not me. he is a totally different man but is always sayin im the one thats changed, well, i have changed but only in one way. i am confused and alone where i was once adored and loved. what happens? i am sorry i cant help you but know that you are not alone, your never alone. hell if ya were, then that would mean that the rest of us all had great men. lol.hope i atleast made ya laugh.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): hello. im sorry to hear what you are going through. kids usually change a relationship and sometimes it makes partners come closer. now what I see is that many people are going through thes, but women i think like it since they are still there. You should try and be more INDEPENDENT and value your self more. Stop thinking of all the bad things are happening, think "POSITIVE" and you will attract positive thoughts and you won't be so depressed. I read that when you are always thinking about the bad things, well it gets worse since you are always thinking about it. Think positive be grateful for you health, kids, and life. On the bf or husband, after you seem to be grateful for what you do have, you will have a more clear vision on what's really going on and you won't have to ask no one. i hope this can help you at all. :)
much love
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2009): My boyfriend of 7 years same way. In fact he actually told me today that he doesn't care anymore. I am so upset and hurt. I really don't know what I did. We have 3 children together ages 4, 2, and 6 months. And I'm only 22 years old. I'm sorry I couldn't be of any help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2009): I have the same issue. I bend over backwards for my boyfriend. Do everything in my power to make him happy, yet still get walked all over. I find it hard to be treated day in and day out like a maid and never get anything in return. The most I can say is that maybe you and I both need to leave these guys and see how they deal. If it's really a big deal they'll come back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2009): I don't know what to tell you I have the same problem, im 20 and we have a 7 mth old son. And it just seems like he thinks what he wants to do is more important and I dont know how to change that, maybe leave for a while and maybe he will realize he misses you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2009): hi i am in the same situatiuon as everyone of you ive been with my boyfriend for over 3 years and we have a one year old daughter. At the begining of our relationship it was great hugging kissing couldnt be seperated it was as if we had been glued together but now he only wants me as a slave and someone to clean the house and look after the baby i feel worthless. i dont even get hugs anymore only if i ask but he never looks happy to be close to me never mind a hug or a kiss. i just want to feel wanted because at the moment i feel as if i have nothing to be happy for.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): Well, im not sure if this will make you feel any better, but i have been wth my b/f for almost 2 years now, and let me tell you - at the beggining of our relationship we were one of those couples that just make you want to vomit! we couldnt take our hands off eachother and only ever came up for air - and them sometimes not..Slowly, as i began to love him as much as he loved me he began to slow down. Sometimes i look back and wonder whether its just te chase men are after. But once we become too available its just not fun anymore. Now if i try to hug him or cuddle or kiss, he looks at me with a face of disgust - as if why am i doing that?... I tell you what - boy does that just hurt!!!But you justify it - you love them. But once again - could you go on living like that for the rest of your life. Or will he change? i bet he wont.. no amount of talking or anything will change a mans behavioural tendancies
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008): Right now i'm too going through the same situ. I'm 21 & he's 24. (we still haven't had sex)we have been going out for almost 2 yeras & he's totally ignoreing me and never care nor want me in that way! I've tried talking to him about this matter but it always ends up with a fight.I sometimje ssay that i want to break up, but after few hours he's talking to me as if nothing happend! as you mentioned I have o do all the planning for us, he never shows interest in me.he's only free on sat's but now he always says that he's giving me the only sat he has & so on & so on. according to him he dosen't have any one else, and i have to spend for everthing. even if we go out on a date i have to pay the bill and his phone bill and .... he won't even let me go! and he sumtimes say's he love me through via text msg? do you think he still cares me and alos he never gets turned on when i'm around? never want to kiss me.... please help me....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2008): I am having the same issues. My boyfriend and i used to be hugh on affection, both kissing and other things, but now, just like you i feel like im his maid. I also feel as though we are going through the motions. I once got so mad at my boyfriend i actually told him he might as well be a woman, he puts up that many excuses for not being intimate. Things went well for almost a year, now it seems as though they are going back. I have gotten 3 pecks from him in three weeks, and i am starting to get fed up. My advice to you is what my friends have told me and what i am doing now. Just leave him alone. stop talking to him and give him his space. Just act as though you dont care and stop planning things, like dates. If he really cares about you then he will notice the lack of attention and start thinking about why you've stopped. Pretty soon, if you have enough patience, he wil come around. I have learned that men go through emotional issues just like women go through pms. If nothing changes, then it might be time to move on. Even though you have a toddler with him, its whats best for the baby. The baby cant grow up with you two going through such hard times, trust me i have a five year old and i had to divorce my ex for the same reason. i understand and i hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2008): You should totaly get out. LIke he doesn't respect you you should go out and find somthign else yo do. hot dogs potato chips hockey OMG
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2008): I am also having this issue with my boyfriend. it's both confusing and frustrating. I'm just trying to let most of the smaller things that tick me off go...so right now i just tell him i love him and give him most of his space. sometimes i get a good response and other times i won't get much back.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (27 January 2008):
 Your b/f is a couch potato?They don't do much helping in the house.He only takes and seldom gives. It is more like you have to mother him and gets nothing in return.
You will have to tell him what you want from him in this relationship.You need to tell him , he need to initiate more .
As being messy , he sees it differently. I guess , you need to save your energy abit by not being too clean or particular about the way he does things , which is not by your standards of cleanliness.
You sometimes need to allow him to do things his way.When he does not do things your way , you feel frustrated. You should learn to tolerate some of his habits. It takes time to change and you cannot expect a miracle over night.
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A
female
reader, Lila +, writes (27 January 2008):
 He kind of sounds depressed, maybe you should suggest that he talk to someone. Has he experiences a loss, does he feel he's not going anywhere with his job, maybe too much overtime, he could just be tierd. If it's none of the obove give him a good kick in the ass and tell him to get over himself. The child care arangement issues/household cleaning issues are pretty typical of men, those issues will likely always be a battle.
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