A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi I'm 21 with a boyfriend who just doesn't seem to care about me anymore. Of course he says he loves me I do believe he does. However, I am always the one who has to plan to go out for dates. I have a toddler with him and the babysitting organisation always gets left for me to organise or we don't go anywhere. I do all the house work and I struggle to get things done while my son is up and about as he is always making a mess. When my boyfriend is home he'll just walk over things that require to be picked up and I practically beg him to give me a hand to clean up and never does anything to make the house cleaner/better. I have explained to him that it's not for just my benefit but his also. As for our sexual r;ship I kiss and cuddle him before we go to bed and hint not subtly at all that i feel like doing it but he says his too tired (Should it be the woman that says that?) It's only until I stop kissing and go away clearly upset that I get any action. Like dates I am always instigater. For once i'd like him to take initative and do something for me, as i'm beginning to feel like he doesn't care about me anymore and is just going through the motions. I often make a point of stating that I don't understand the point of being in a relationship if you don't care about the other person anymore. Every few months I get so angry about it and it turns into a fight. Things improve for a couple of days then returns to exactly the way they were. I love him don't get me wrong , we have a lot of laughs but this is beginning to become a huge issue in my state of happiness. What should i do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): Well, im not sure if this will make you feel any better, but i have been wth my b/f for almost 2 years now, and let me tell you - at the beggining of our relationship we were one of those couples that just make you want to vomit! we couldnt take our hands off eachother and only ever came up for air - and them sometimes not..Slowly, as i began to love him as much as he loved me he began to slow down. Sometimes i look back and wonder whether its just te chase men are after. But once we become too available its just not fun anymore. Now if i try to hug him or cuddle or kiss, he looks at me with a face of disgust - as if why am i doing that?... I tell you what - boy does that just hurt!!!But you justify it - you love them. But once again - could you go on living like that for the rest of your life. Or will he change? i bet he wont.. no amount of talking or anything will change a mans behavioural tendancies
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008): Right now i'm too going through the same situ. I'm 21 & he's 24. (we still haven't had sex)we have been going out for almost 2 yeras & he's totally ignoreing me and never care nor want me in that way! I've tried talking to him about this matter but it always ends up with a fight.I sometimje ssay that i want to break up, but after few hours he's talking to me as if nothing happend! as you mentioned I have o do all the planning for us, he never shows interest in me.he's only free on sat's but now he always says that he's giving me the only sat he has & so on & so on. according to him he dosen't have any one else, and i have to spend for everthing. even if we go out on a date i have to pay the bill and his phone bill and .... he won't even let me go! and he sumtimes say's he love me through via text msg? do you think he still cares me and alos he never gets turned on when i'm around? never want to kiss me.... please help me....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2008): I am having the same issues. My boyfriend and i used to be hugh on affection, both kissing and other things, but now, just like you i feel like im his maid. I also feel as though we are going through the motions. I once got so mad at my boyfriend i actually told him he might as well be a woman, he puts up that many excuses for not being intimate. Things went well for almost a year, now it seems as though they are going back. I have gotten 3 pecks from him in three weeks, and i am starting to get fed up. My advice to you is what my friends have told me and what i am doing now. Just leave him alone. stop talking to him and give him his space. Just act as though you dont care and stop planning things, like dates. If he really cares about you then he will notice the lack of attention and start thinking about why you've stopped. Pretty soon, if you have enough patience, he wil come around. I have learned that men go through emotional issues just like women go through pms. If nothing changes, then it might be time to move on. Even though you have a toddler with him, its whats best for the baby. The baby cant grow up with you two going through such hard times, trust me i have a five year old and i had to divorce my ex for the same reason. i understand and i hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2008): You should totaly get out. LIke he doesn't respect you you should go out and find somthign else yo do. hot dogs potato chips hockey OMG
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2008): I am also having this issue with my boyfriend. it's both confusing and frustrating. I'm just trying to let most of the smaller things that tick me off go...so right now i just tell him i love him and give him most of his space. sometimes i get a good response and other times i won't get much back.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (27 January 2008):
 Your b/f is a couch potato?They don't do much helping in the house.He only takes and seldom gives. It is more like you have to mother him and gets nothing in return.
You will have to tell him what you want from him in this relationship.You need to tell him , he need to initiate more .
As being messy , he sees it differently. I guess , you need to save your energy abit by not being too clean or particular about the way he does things , which is not by your standards of cleanliness.
You sometimes need to allow him to do things his way.When he does not do things your way , you feel frustrated. You should learn to tolerate some of his habits. It takes time to change and you cannot expect a miracle over night.
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A
female
reader, Lila  +, writes (27 January 2008):
 He kind of sounds depressed, maybe you should suggest that he talk to someone. Has he experiences a loss, does he feel he's not going anywhere with his job, maybe too much overtime, he could just be tierd. If it's none of the obove give him a good kick in the ass and tell him to get over himself. The child care arangement issues/household cleaning issues are pretty typical of men, those issues will likely always be a battle.
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