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female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: Hello, I'm 24 and I've been with my boyfriend for about 4 years. I'm trying to get other's perspective. I come from a wealthy family, and my boyfriend think that i should be always spoiled with gifts. He's not too rich or poor, he's in the middle and every time we have an anniversary,special occasions etc.. He thinks he should buy me some designer clothes or materials. I'm not a materialistic person AT ALL, at first he would save up money to buy expensive things, after i confronted him and told him that i appreciate any gift no matter how it costs, he tells me he feels embarrassed when he doesntt but me expensive things. After my confrontation, he started to buy me fake designer clothes online (i saw his phone and he is ordering them from websites that sells fake designer clothes). And still, he doesn't listen to me when i tell him to stop thinking that i only care about brands or me being a materialistic. How do i stop him from thinking like that? Why is he doing that or putting too much effort into those things?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2018): I have a similar situation. My boyfriend is rich, and he likes to splurge and buy me expensive gifts. I earn a good living; and I have a lot of nice things. I also come from a family who is very comfortable; and never really had to want for "things." Like you, I was taught not to feel entitled or be spoiled.
Gifting is a touchy thing. You have to be careful when you're telling other people how to express their generosity; but at the same time you have to establish your true values and where you stand about material things.
I fought my boyfriend for three years, refusing to let him buy me a car. He's like that. He buys big gifts for people he cares about, and he doesn't feel it is purchasing their affections. He feels good giving away money, and helping people. I finally gave-in. I kept my old car. I was driving it up until a couple of months ago. It died! It was 12 years old! It was more pride than anything, that I hardly drove the gift-car. Now I need it!
Your boyfriend's pride is making him feel he has to impress you and not seem cheap. You should never look a gift-horse in the mouth; and to research the origin of your gifts is tacky and uncalled for. It's embarrassing to the giver; but as long as what you receive is nice, isn't it really the thought that counts? he still feels he should provide you with nice things; regardless of you telling him otherwise, because he still has to face your family.
You can ask for gifts you want, but never takeaway a person's feeling of generosity or attempts to spoil you. If you have all you need, how can you ask for what you need? A gift by definition is something given as a token of affection; it doesn't have to be useful or supply a need, it is meant to make the receiver feel appreciated and spoiled.
Tell him for the last time. It makes you feel unhappy and uncomfortable when he goes out of his way to try to impress you. You love him so much, that suffices and overrides any gift he could ever think of. Tell him you chose him, because he was someone you wanted to be with; not for what he has or supplies in material things, but how he satisfies your heart. I told my own boyfriend these very words. He still buys me stuff, but I buy him cool stuff too!
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (20 April 2018):
 He think you were/are out of his league (at least financially) and he is trying to make up for that. Also since he makes such a BIG DEAL out of it, he really WANTS you to be grateful.
My advice? GIVE him a list of items you would LIKE for those occasions (that you feel is acceptable and not too pricey) (don't have a long list either).
That way you GET something you want/need and HE gets to give you what you ASK for.
Also I'd bring up how it makes you feel when he makes SUCH a big deal out of this. Gifts should come from the heart.
Maybe that will make it easier?
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