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My boyfriend doesn't have a job, has no money, hasn't taken any steps to go back to school, stays out all night, won't watch our daughter, and calls me a nag and a bore!

Tagged as: Family, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 October 2010) 8 Answers - (Newest, 23 October 2010)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Me and my boyfriend have been together almost 5 yrs. We have a beautiful daughter who will be 2 in December. Me and my bf havent been getting along at all. He blames me for everything. He works 15hrs a week for welfare. He takes a nap everyday. Its atleast 4 or 5 hours. I dont understand why he sleeps that much. But he said its my fault cause im always mean to him. Im just stressed out. I have to pay all the bills and take care of our daughter. He gets paid monthly. And its not alot. He wont get a job. I ask him to and he says he cant cause he wants to go back to college. He hasnt even tried to go back. He doesnt spend much time with us. He spends more time with friends. He stays out till like 4:30am. And wont come home at a decent time. When our daughter wants to spend time with him he ignores her and goes to sleep. He never lets me go see friends. he wont watch her. If he does watch her he goes to his moms and she helps. He calls me boring and a nag. But im not. Im just tired of this. What should I do?

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (23 October 2010):

tennisstar88 agony auntLet's see controlling and doesn't trust you, two more to add to my list..Cons outweigh the pros. If there are any pros..

I have severe allergies ANON, in fact I should probably live in a bubble I'm allergic to so much stuff. My allergies don't cause me to take 4-5 hour naps daily. The poster's boyfriend is LAZY. If you read the rest of the post it says he frequently goes out with his friends and stays out till 4:30 am. If I stayed out till the next morning I'd be sleeping the whole day or extra long naps as well.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010):

"I dont understand why he sleeps that much. "

Could be a health problem. Seriously, if you have the energy to encourage him to do a checkup, that could explain something. I simply can'T imagine a healthy adult sleeping extra 3 or 5 hours a day, unless he plays games all night.

I had a similar problem with allergies. Similar symptoms, was very unmotivated, very often irritated, had to sleep extra in the day. I'm not saying your guy has the same thing, but it really looks weird that he sleeps so much.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Anymore he doesnt trust me. Hes getting controlling. Always has to know where im going and with who. Even if its my brother. I havent given him any reason to not trust me. I dont know what his deal is.

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (22 October 2010):

tennisstar88 agony auntAnd look into school yourself..online schooling for mommies.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I should. I do have a job. Im pretty much supporting him and her. I will give him the choice of a job or not havin his family anymore. Thanks for the honesty.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia + , writes (22 October 2010):

Aunty BimBim agony auntYou ask what you should do. I say you should simply end the relationship, there isnt anything in there for you or your child.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010):

I would leave him. Since you aren't married, you can probably just move out, take your child and never see him again. He sounds too lazy to worry about wanting custody. You'll be money ahead without him because your food bill and utilities will decrease. Your child will probably be happier with just a happy mom than with a sad mom and a jackass dad.

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (22 October 2010):

tennisstar88 agony auntAnd you're still with him, why? Let's see he sleeps all day, doesn't look for a better job or any side jobs, the state supports you, he doesn't care for your daughter, is out all night with his buddies spending money you don't have, and he won't go back to school..Looks like he has nothing to offer you. He's lazy and lacks motivation. This loser is going no where fast. If you stay with him he will bring you down.

So dear, stop complaining about him...Give him an ultimatum. He either starts looking for a part time job and signs up for school or you will take your daughter and leave him, then let the state go after him for child support. That's such crap he can't have a job and go to school, well if you want to pay back your student loans and have a daughter to support it's pretty imperative. Now, if he doesn't agree to those terms, I'm assuming you live together..Terminate the lease and move back in with your parents. Look for a job yourself, your parents, relatives can babysit your daughter. If he's not going to make anything of himself to provide and set an example for his daughter then you're going to have to do it. So she can have a better life.

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