A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Ok, in terms of problems this maybe isnt huge but it is playing on my mind a bit. i have been with my boyfreind for 2 years now...and he just doesnt treat me with the same care and attention he used to. Yesterday was my 23rd birthday....and i got nothing from him. Not a card, not a present nothing. He hadn't even planned anything special. I hid my dissapointment. He then was telling me how he felt bad, and he knew he was being greedy cus he plans on doing up his car at the cost of about £2500. he said that, things have been slow at work so he could not afford anything for me. i let it rest, did not want to argue on an already shitty birthday. also, since it seemed he felt guilty i did not want to be the bad ass and make him feel worse. But the thing is, its not just yesterday, he gave me nothing for valentines, and last birthday was fairlyy crap, he knew i was upset then aswell,but he just keeps doing it, which is why i had alreaady prepared myself to not be upset in front of him and not expect much at all this time. He is a really nice guy and i trust him beyond words....but is he just stingy or what? I shouldnt question my relationship on such a materialistic point should i? am i just being a spoilt brat? its not like he does not have money, and even a birthday card given with some meaning would be nice. For his last birthday i saved up for something special for him and wrote a letter for him, i made the effort so it would be special for him. Does he not care enough to make the effort or what? he says he will make it up, but likely story, right?
View related questions:
at work, money Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): I am in the same boat. I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years and he does nothing special for me ever! He washes the kitchen floor sometimes, puts a few pillows upright on the couch, and thinks he has done something grand! The first few months we were together, he brought me to Lake Placid and we stayed the weekend, ate, made love, and had a GREAT romantic weekend. Well since then it has been nada...I got a friggin balloon for Valentines Day last year and he says it is because he had to work a 16-hour shift and was tired. I cried in the bathroom because I was so hurt! Well he had weeks before to get something or plan something or even flowers for gods sake. He says to me “women don’t want nice guys, I have done that before and women don’t like that, they want a guy who is not nice all of the time”. BULLSHIT…I tell him I want something nice and mushy sometimes…and still nothing. My birthday is Sunday and I guarantee I am getting nothing but maybe a card and a nod. I plan his birthday gift and Christmas gifts so they will be special, I make sure he has a nice meal every night and tell him I love him all of the time. I guess I get some niceties when he has been drinking and that just makes me angrier! He is not a cheater, mean or unemployed….just I find myself being sad and envious of women I see who have children and a house and that whole life I am pretty sure I am never going to have. He does nothing to make me feel special. I don’t even sleep in the bed anymore…it started out as his snoring was unbearable so I slept in the living room or my daughters room but now I think it is just I don’t want to be in bed with him anymore….Life sucks …am I the only one who feels like they are getting a raw deal here?
A
female
reader, sad lonely mama  +, writes (4 November 2009):
ok, so how evil is it for your fiance to say "I don't give a f*ck that its your birthday!"...pretty mean i'd say. I have been with my fiance for 4 years now and he has not acknowledged a single birthday, valentines day or mothers day...actually it seems he actually tries to be meaner on those days just so were clear that he's NOT going to act like I'm speacial in any way...it hurts. he's not stingy he buys things all the time for me...but usually nothing romantic.I always go out of my way to try to do something for him. so today is my birthday and here i sit, screaming kids, poopy diapers, stupid kids shows playing giving me a worse headache and he is sleeping away cuz he stayed up all night playing a game! Yay happy birthday to me!I don't want anything really I mean a heart felt "happy birthday" would be fine.That's more than he's done so far.I won't hold my breath though. It is good to know I am not alone. I guess a lot of guys are self centered jerks.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2009): Yes i feel for you girlfriend, my boyfriend forgot about me it was my 23rd birthday sept 29 and all he wanted to say was he didn't have a job or no money. but its funny how my ex boyfriend sent me a card from jail. I have two kids with this dude.. and i also feel lik im goin to be unhappy because he doesn't got it in him to jus do something sweet for me.. I guess im not worth it to him. its to bad because if i say jump he says how high but he just ignores every occassion
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): why is it that all the people on this page are females?!! where are all the males to send us answers and reassure us of something better?!
Ironic isn't it.
I've been with my bf two yrs and altho he's not that stingy, ( he's splashs out a couple hundred on the occassions he has bought me a gift)
BUT, out of the 7 celebrations we should have celebrated, he only made an effort for three of them.
Ofcourse i should be happy that he even has bothered in the first place, but for the last valentines, christmas and our 1st yr anniverssary(which i'd say was a BIG accomplimshment in our rship!) he didn't bother to make it special or suggest to celebrate, making me feel reluctant to plan anything coz he wouldnt have appreciated it.
It's realli upset me becuase celebrating and gift giving and card making has been a huge part of me and something i really look forward to but if my other half don't see it the same way, I feel id be destined to be in an unhappy rship my whole life if i stayed. This is not because I'm materialistic, its more to do with your partner having the want to make you happy and feel special makes you happy as a couple.
I spoke to him recently with my concern, he says that he stilldoesn't like gift giving, but has agreed to celebrate his bday (which he never used to want to) and will try to celebrate other occassions like our anniversary and christmas more.
I'm sticking to his words and hoping for better, but if it doesn't as i will see in a couple of months, i suggest to all you other ladies out there, MOVE ON!!! because i knw for a fact there are romantic nice guys out there. All my friends i grew up with have always been romantic and sweet to their friends and gfs. your bf should be no less! If he is like this now, GOD HE WILL GET NO BETTER IN TIME!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2009): I know exactly how you feel my bday was last sat and i got nothing ...i dont think we are being spoiled or greedy or mean ...its just rude and i hate it.. i dont kno what to do either... i do the same i save up and have to have something for him on his bday becuase its a special day idk... i think the best way is to spill your thoughts and feelings to him through a letter or email so he can hopeful reflect.. becuase if you talk in person he will talk back fix things with his words n not let you finish..
...............................
A
female
reader, deeplysad +, writes (14 September 2009):
Oh, man how odd... what did everyone else google to find this! ha... regardless jeez this is an old post but I have the same issue occurring right now. It isn't my birthday but I have had four of them since we have been together three ann. almost 4 in a week, 3 valentines days, and countless other holidays and he has NEVER NEVER bought me a gift. His parents have but not him. Not a piece of jewelry, not candy, not a gift of any type. I have asked him why. I have told him it bothers me. I have pleaded for him to just do something... pick a flower out of the yard, but no. The worst part is that I have gf's emailing and texting me saying "My BF sent flowers to my office, Im engaged, Im this Im that" and I have nothing.... hmmmmmm crap... makes me sad
...............................
A
female
reader, prettypissed +, writes (7 August 2009):
And what better time to come across this page than on MY birthday. Yes, I am in the same situation as all of you. It is now officially my birthday and what did I get? A TEXT message. Seriously?
My boyfriend's birthday was at the end of June. I've been broke, we both were, and he knew that. But what did he ask? He asked to go away and gamble for his birthday. I wanted to make him happy, so I said sure. I used my savings to book our hotel room, pay for gas money, pay for gambling, food, etc.
It is now officially my birthday, since 12 am, and he is broke, has not gotten a job, and has nothing for me. All I got was a text message. Oh yeah, he's out with his friends by the way, while I'm sitting at home, angrily typing this onto a web site. Fantastic.
This is, by the way, the second year that he has done this... in a row...
Can someone please send me a charming, good looking man who is not selfish?? Please??
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2009): hi, i found this page and i'm very happy that i wasn't only one feeling the same!
i do have similar story as yours, me and my boyfriend is together for 3 years now. ever since with my boyfriend i never ever had nice birthdays. i never received any simple cards or flowers or anything nice. most of all no special days for us.
first year on my birthday, i was packing up his ex's stuff together with him and brought many boxes to post office and sent them out.
second year, he wasn't the first one to wish my birthday actually he forgot and i made an accident when i was driving his car in the evening then i called him, he went angry and didn't come and see me.
last year, my birthday was on sunday, he didn't take me out and we just stayed at home doing nothing. we went damn cheap lunch and he told me why every year birthday need to be special? i was shock. came back home i cried in my room and he went out with his friends, few hours later he came back with chocolate cake, no candle, no massage, no nothing. just a chocolate cake.
all his birthdays i did my best to made him happy and made best of him. but all nothing to him, or it is normal for him that i do something nice for him.
i know i have to stop this and moving on by myself. but till today i still waiting for him to change, i know this is stupid but i don't know when to stop.
...............................
A
female
reader, dating a narcissist? +, writes (23 June 2009):
I feel your pain. My story is pretty much the same.
My b-day was two days before fathers day. I got him something nice several days before, told him that I did - and how much it cost. -No big deal-
Friday, My b-day comes. I had the day off, walked the kids to the park, and we had fun. He gets off work early, and hangs out with his boss for a few hours while I waited at home. He buys himself a paintball gun and arranges to go play with his boss Saturday. He comes home with nothing for me. He said Happy B-day every time he called.
----- but c'mon, He was in a store. He could've bought a $20 bottle of perfume and I would've been thrilled to get it. He called me selfish because I pointed out that he could've gotten anything, and instead he didn't make any effort at all. He was angry because I had gotten him something that was expensive. A bigger price margin after his paintball gun. And now he didn't have enough to get me something equally as nice, which isn't what I expected. He had way more than enough $$ so that's BS. I know how much is in our account and I made part of it. Being cheap is better than nothing....But I'm selfish?
I have to work Saturday (3-10 pm), but he says to make up for missing my b-day, well celebrate it saturday. Even though he's already got plans. He won't be gone all day, he says.
Saturday comes, he leaves early and I go to work from 3-10 pm. I get off work, and he's still gone. I call him and he's on his way home. They played all day and went back for dinner and hung out for a while. He gets home at about 11:30 and I'm tired. I want to sleep. He still had nothing for me. He wants me to rub his sore back/feet/neck... No matter how sore I am, I never get any rubbing.
Father's day comes...and it's all about him. He wants this, he wants that. Whole day is his way. We did nothing while I was home. I was bothered by it and let him know that I was not the selfish one in this relationship, and that he needed to see reality, because I had a crappy b-day. a crappy make-up b-day. and he didn't deserve to have father's day be like he wanted it. Especially when my mother's day went sour like my b-day did. Mother's day was his day 2.
I bought something nice for myself.
I don't know how to fix that, but I can tell you what I'm doing. His b-day is coming next month. I'm buying something, but won't be giving it too him for a week. I'm not telling him I got him anything. I am letting him know first hand how it feels to have someone make you feel like your day doesn't matter, cuz it's about time he tasted that too.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): Well i think that it makes the woman not feel important when the guy in the relationship does not get her anything and when something speical comes up for the guy you always seem to try to get him something speical i think that if he does not give you anything maybe you should tell him that you fell left out and you don't know what to think about how you feel about me i know you don't like telling him and making him argue but im a girl and i have a boyfriend that i been dating for 1year and 11months one year i didn't give him anything for his birthday in i felt like shit but if he does it more then twice i would have to say something about that...you shouldn't feel like your not important your a woman and you should fell like one..don't let a guy make you feel down and not make you feel special
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2009): I am so tired of this too. My Fiancee' says that he grew up in a family that didnt have much money so what little money they had left went to things they could use and not stuff that would be thrown out in a few months anyways. So he says whats the point.-That makes my heart sink- He does get me some stuff for holidays but never anything special. Sometimes just a card. I love him to pieces but it really hurts when i ask him to be more romantic and send me flowers to work and personally deliver them or take me out some where really nice(and not just one of our usual spots) and get a response back like "Well i dont have that much money right now" or "maybe some time sweetie" it makes me cry. All i want is for my man to do something over the top one time and not just on a special holiday but just because he wants to. I try to tell him we are not his parents but then he comes back at me with "Well, your a girl and you expect fancy things all the time thats just how girls are" or "I'm just not that type of romantic" and he gets mad at me when i bring it up. I know i deserve nice things but when i hear things like this i really doubt myself.
...............................
A
female
reader, raspy  +, writes (8 May 2009):
I never write in this blogs but when i read your story I just had to reply. Even if you never read this, it will do me some good to get it off my chest.I had (and i say had because my boyfriend and I just broke up 2 months ago) been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 6 long years. The first year we went out i noticed the signs of cheapness but attmeped to ignore them because i was in love. From not getting anything for special occasions to giving me terribly cheap gifts I realised that things were never going to change. But this past Feb, i had enough, not even a card for my birthday. I WAS FURIOUS. So i picked up and went to hawaii with my girl. It was the best brithday gift i could have given to myself. So my advise to you is.....do you....make sure that u are always happy even if that means having to treat yourself. And dont let him get the best of you....dont spoil him until you see some improvements. Or do like i did...move on.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): My boyfriend remembers my birthday but he stated that we should not exchange gifts because he did not want the obligation of buying anything. I thought what a cheap-o!
Then I questioned him and found out that his parents never celebrated his birthday and confirmed this on his 29th birthday when his father knownily totally ignored his birthday. But that does not excuse him. I talked it out and told him my expectations were different. Things started to change. I told him what I wanted and even took him where it was located and he bought it along with a card he picked out on his own. It's not a surprise but it beats not getting anything.
Guys are clueless on how to celebrate. After this I got a V-day teddie bear w/card one year (I picked it out), the next year on V-Day,I got a Roman statue with assorted flowers (I picked it), I picked the restaurant and he spent $50 on dinner. I made him see the importance and informed him that I was not going to be ignored or forgotten. I talked it out because I was always doing nice things for him and giving him gifts to show my love.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009): wow, sounds like me, except all of you are talking about males. in my case, my gf hasn't done one single thing, it's quite frustrating really. I can only say, people have to deal with it or find someone else who can fulfill your expectations. It's the only way. :(
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): no you have the right to be mad, just yesterday was mine and my boyfriend's 2 year anniversary and i went out and got him a nice robe, not the biggest item but 2 years is the cotton anniversary and christmas is coming up so more money to spend, but i still bought him something and wrote a cute card... in return i got nothing! i was told we might go out for dinner, instead we sat at his parents house and did nothing. most of the time he was outside playing with a mini bike and a mud truck while i sat in the house alone, on my anniversary! i felt selfish too, but now i realize i have the right to be selfish. stuff like this only happens once a year, is it really that difficult to do something nice once a year? i don't think so, because if we can manage to do it so can they! don't let him give you the guilt trip, or turn it around to feel bad for him he is the one who screwed up. MEN NEED TO CARE MORE! or at least care enough to know what is important to you.
...............................
A
female
reader, theocm +, writes (17 November 2008):
 i agree, buy yourself something for the next holiday and just smile. you deserve to be reminded how special you are. don't ever sell yourself short- with xmas coming up, you should have something special under that tree if its not the man in your life.
...............................
A
female
reader, rangtang  +, writes (5 October 2008):
no, i understand what you mean completely.
my boyfriend and i have been together for 6 months yesterday.
and for the past few weeks i had been remdinding him about it and hinting that we should do something - anything!!
so he tells me that he'll 'think of something'.
on the friday night before the anniversary, i asked if he had anything planned. he said he didnt know what to do.. and got angry and so did i. last night my friend and i planned something to do for both of our boyfriends together, and then when we left their surprise notes and clothes ready for them and the destination they had to go to - i got a call from him saying he didnt want to go out.
and i recieved no present, saying that he didnt know where to buy flowers!!. my boyfriend also never thinks of it as important, but since we haven't been together for each others birthdays or valentines day, i wouldnt be able to tell you about that.. but honestly. it sounds (and feels) wrong. I hate getting upset about stupid things like this, but if its hurting your feelings because you expected it( and he knows that you did) then he's not doing his job good enough. if you maybe remind him about these things ( i know you shouldnt have to, being your birthday and all) maybe he'll see that you want him to give you something and maybe he'll do it... i know it sounds stupid, asking instead of just being surprised... but sometimes.. men just need a big push.
good luck!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2008): I speak as the voice of experience. Don't invest any more time in this relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2008): I hate men.
I'm beccomin a lesbian.
lol kiddin
what is his problem?I swear i wanna beat him.
sweety,i hope everything will be okay.i kno he is a pain in the ass.
I have my jerk too,for 8 years.
i cross my fingers for you
...............................
A
female
reader, hippeechick +, writes (30 July 2008):
Here is a term for you..."Narcissist." Look it up and see if there are any similarities between this personality type and your boyfriend. Sure, there are forgetful or "challenged" boyfriends or husbands but when it becomes a pattern, it's good advise to start noticing the red flags. If your partner knows it's your birthday and has even had discussions with you over gifts but then ignores the day completely, he is sending you a message loud and clear. Recently, a young lady I know planned a trip for her birthday, included the guy of 8 months, was asked what she wanted for her BD and still, not even a "Happy Birthday" until nearly midnight of her special day. This chump had bragged about having a few grand in his checking account, spends hundreds at a time for his own personal luxuries, and promised her something "special" as a gift. When she confronted him, he said "I just didn't know what to get you" and then after many tears and her response of "I'm not buying that story", he changed his excuse to "I ordered something, it didn't arrive yet." Still upset and looking at him with utter disgust, he then says it was someone else's fault for not helping him order what he wanted...a beautiful item from a famous and prestigious silver jewelery company. Always the one to try to inject common sense to a problem, I stated" so how does any of these excuses warrant no card or "Happy Birthday?" Sad to say, she's not ready to dump his sorry behind but the time is nearing, I am sure. I do hope, on his birthday, she makes a point of stopping in a sports store or another of his favorites and purchases something for herself, her brother, cousin or donation ....my suggestion, if she does go ahead and maintain a "relationship" with him, expect NOTHING and you won't be disappointed. This type of person can't see beyond their own needs and you are just not that important for them to step outside of themselves to do for another...time to go fishing for a better partner, one who sees your relationship as a two way street.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008): Okay all you girls get this straight...guys are not like us in anyway for the most part guys do NOT know what to get us most of the time they are not creative and when it seems like they are...well they're NOT...most of the time they go out and ask their friends(girls) what to get their girlfriend....and then you think...OOHHH they're soooo sweet..believe me when you've been dating the same person for over 5 years...since middle school you figure things out...and no we arent the type of couple to break up and get back together and break up and,....well u know the drill....so look don't worry about it if they start lackin on the being sweethearts it's not their fault....they clearly don't want anything big for their birthday a simple happy birthday kiss should satisfy,....especially if that's all you got....."do to other as you would like done to you".."buy SUPER nice things for people's birthdays if they do the same for you"....as selfish as that may sound...would you rather be going BROKE when they get you nothing...since day 1 my boyfriend and I know we can't buy each other things because we didn't have jobs at day one...hahaha..but we have COMPLETELY opposite taste, COMPLETELY...we can't shop together because we never like what the other likes....So for valentine's day he gets me roses and a teddy...usually a kitty because he knows I LOVE cats and for my bday he gets me balloons and a card...and I'm fine with that because i don't get him anything except for his birthday, then i'll give him $25 or $50 gift card for sears becuase he loves working on his cars and he buys tools their...valentine's day, a nice Tshirt...so there's hope that helps
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2007): Well all I can say is, most guys seem to be like this! Since I'm with my boyfriend I got him several present without any occassion, but he never got me anything. Even this week, when I had my graduation, he did not turn op for dinner with my family and when we saw eachother this weekend he didnt even bother to congratulate me!!! Ofcourse he had an excuse: his car was broken because of an accident and he couldnt drive with it. Later that day, he stepped in his car and drove of as his friend apparently 'fixed' it!!! So no advice, sorry, just some support!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2007): I know how you feel sweetie and it sux so bad! I was with my ex-boyfriend for two years and he never bought me one present for any holiday what-so-ever!
Now, it has been a year with a really good guy who gave me a diamond cross necklace for Christmas and a few cute things for Valentines Day.
Then it was his birthday, so I went broke buying him a present to make sure he had something on his Day! Then came my birthday. He suprised me later during the day around 3:00 when he walked into my office at work and gave me roses and a hug in front of everyone.
Later when I got home we got ready to go out to eat at a five star sea food restaurant. Once there, he said, "Ok, are you ready for me to tell you what your birthday present is?" I said, "Of course." and he said, "I am going to buy you a new pair of eye glasses since the dog chewed your old pair up." ... my mouth dropped. I quickly replied, "I don't wnat that for my birthday." He said, "Well, I didn't have time to go out and get you anything." ... sure is funny that the weekend before he went shopping at the mall to buy himself some clothes, he could have gotten me something then.
Needless to say, a couple of weeks later I went to go get a new pair of glasses and he decided to stay home and watch a movie. So of course I ended up paying for them and he never offered me any money. Well, the glasses cost almost as much as my part of the rent, so now I am a month behind on the rent and his response to that is, "Pay it whenever you can. I'm not gonna kick you out." OMG! I don't even know what to do about that.
Guys just need to understand that we want them to make us feel special and we will make them feel extra special in return. If they state another girl is pretty, back it up by telling us that we're prettier. Ya know?
Any way, I want you to feel like you are not alone, becuase I thought I was until I read this web site. It hurts, it really does, and I don't know what to do about it nor do I know what to tell you to do. It would be nice if someone could give the perfect answer.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): My boyfriend did not get me anything for my last birthday and i was terribly upset, it isn't like he forgot either, i had been talking about it A LOT! His birthday is 2 days before mine and I got him several nice items and took us out to dinner (Also keep in mind our anniversary is between our birthdays) I didn't get anything for that either. He said that he was just to busy to get me something. Yeah right. I recall that day and he spent it playing video games. It is time for my birthday again this year and our 2 year anniversary. This year he says he doesn't have any money to get me something and if i want something I have to take out a loan for him to get it!So i guess I should forget about an anniversary present again. My best friend's bday is the same day and we are all going on a trip together, its going to be hard seeing her husband doing nice things for her birthday and I wont be getting anything :( I told him that it wasnt about money or presents but about him showing that he cares for me and he could do something that doesnt cost money, but im not expecting that either. I told him last year if this ever happened again I was breaking up with him.....well its happening again...now i just have to decide what to do. I am sorry I cannot help resolve this for you, but just wanted to share that you arent alone and it sucks.
...............................
A
female
reader, happytochat + ♥, writes (5 September 2007):
I can understand your disapointed. Its not as if all presents cost heaps and if he was so low on cash, he could of still made something, like even a card he doesnt even have to buy. But perhap he just isnt that creative? afterall he is a mmale and is into cars...doesnt sound like the creative type.
Explain to him how you felt and say you know i dont expect anything big, but just a litle sign that you remembered by bday and did something for me would of been really good. Give him some ideas for next tme. Make him realise that not all bday gifts have to be so big and materalistic. Its about showing love. Not showering someone with some expensive gift.
p.s. I used to have a bf who spent SO much money on doing up his car too, so that he couldnt pay for my dinner on special occasions when he did before he found his new love for cars. It was hard....so i understand how you are feeling.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007): Have a really good chat with him and explain things to him as you have done to us. If he doesn't make you happy and you cannot live with this then move on. life is too short.
take care
xx
...............................
A
female
reader, Cupcake +, writes (4 September 2007):
 Yah I would not be impressed. This is not about forgetting or money. If you love someone you atleast, ATLEAST get them a card, and still I dont think thats enough... Birthdays and Valentines day are days that you celebrate with the person you love, by giving them something special or doing something special with them. Honestly Id tell him how mad it made me, and let him know he wouldnt be getting anything from me anymore. My boyfriend always goes so much out of his way to give me a perfect Valentines day or birthday and still buys me flowers ATLEAST once a month, hes always done this and I love it that way. Every girl deserves it.
...............................
A
female
reader, penta +, writes (4 September 2007):
 If this is a symptom of a general pattern? Or does he remember other birthdays of important people: his mom's or siblings' birthdays? He may be one of those date-challenged people. My husband is this way (he doesn't remember dates across the board).
His favorite present (that "he" got for me) was when I HANDED HIM something in the store and said: "I want this for my birthday." He got a HUGE smile on his face, paid for it, wrapped it and wrote a hand-written note to go with it (no card), then gave it back to me (the same day). At least guaranteed that I got exactly what I want, lol.
If your guy is one of these you may just have to get used to it, especially if everything else is going well. He'll want to do well by you when you remind him, but otherwise he will forget.
I know, it's romantic to be surprised. But guys just aren't that way. If this is the case you'll need to decide how important this is vs. all the other stuff in the package that is your beau.
(I also get and send all the b-day cards to my husband's friends and family. I just put it in front of him to sign. I like doing this kind of thing and he always forgets, so I just do it for him. It makes him happy so he does other things for me that make me happy.)
If it's just that your guy is cheap, you might remind him that it only takes $2 for a really nice card, and that you'd be happy with ANYTHING he spent time and/or thought on, regardless of the cost. But doing NOTHING makes you feel that he didn't even think about you.
And if it's a pattern of him spending money on himself only, then you might want to bring this up to him. It doesn't bode well for getting anything for yourself out of this relationship, over all, if he drops so much cash on himself that he doesn't have anything left over for you.
Try to see exactly what the pattern is, and what exactly you want. Then talk to him calmly about it to see if you can come to a compromise (like my husband and I have). Please don't expect him to read your mind about what is important to you, especially if giving/receiving gifts isn't a priority to him.
Good luck hon.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007): Hey, he is being a selfish ass. You know it. He should have gotten you a 2 dollar card and maybe taken you out for a decent meal. That's all you want, to be recognised on your b-day from the man who is supposed to love you. next time his special day comes, don't even say happy birthday. ignore it 100%. screw him.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007): Play the same game he's playing. DO NOT give him any cards or presents for upcoming events. Don't start buying cards again till he starts being more senstive and buys you a damn card!
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 September 2007):
 Next time it's his birthday buy something for yourself as a birthday present. He'll get the hint. If my husband forgot to buy me something for Mother's Day when the kids were little I'd buy myself something great on Father's Day. It worked like a charm.
...............................
|
