A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Ok, in terms of problems this maybe isnt huge but it is playing on my mind a bit. i have been with my boyfreind for 2 years now...and he just doesnt treat me with the same care and attention he used to. Yesterday was my 23rd birthday....and i got nothing from him. Not a card, not a present nothing. He hadn't even planned anything special. I hid my dissapointment. He then was telling me how he felt bad, and he knew he was being greedy cus he plans on doing up his car at the cost of about £2500. he said that, things have been slow at work so he could not afford anything for me. i let it rest, did not want to argue on an already shitty birthday. also, since it seemed he felt guilty i did not want to be the bad ass and make him feel worse. But the thing is, its not just yesterday, he gave me nothing for valentines, and last birthday was fairlyy crap, he knew i was upset then aswell,but he just keeps doing it, which is why i had alreaady prepared myself to not be upset in front of him and not expect much at all this time. He is a really nice guy and i trust him beyond words....but is he just stingy or what? I shouldnt question my relationship on such a materialistic point should i? am i just being a spoilt brat? its not like he does not have money, and even a birthday card given with some meaning would be nice. For his last birthday i saved up for something special for him and wrote a letter for him, i made the effort so it would be special for him. Does he not care enough to make the effort or what? he says he will make it up, but likely story, right?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008): Okay all you girls get this straight...guys are not like us in anyway for the most part guys do NOT know what to get us most of the time they are not creative and when it seems like they are...well they're NOT...most of the time they go out and ask their friends(girls) what to get their girlfriend....and then you think...OOHHH they're soooo sweet..believe me when you've been dating the same person for over 5 years...since middle school you figure things out...and no we arent the type of couple to break up and get back together and break up and,....well u know the drill....so look don't worry about it if they start lackin on the being sweethearts it's not their fault....they clearly don't want anything big for their birthday a simple happy birthday kiss should satisfy,....especially if that's all you got....."do to other as you would like done to you".."buy SUPER nice things for people's birthdays if they do the same for you"....as selfish as that may sound...would you rather be going BROKE when they get you nothing...since day 1 my boyfriend and I know we can't buy each other things because we didn't have jobs at day one...hahaha..but we have COMPLETELY opposite taste, COMPLETELY...we can't shop together because we never like what the other likes....So for valentine's day he gets me roses and a teddy...usually a kitty because he knows I LOVE cats and for my bday he gets me balloons and a card...and I'm fine with that because i don't get him anything except for his birthday, then i'll give him $25 or $50 gift card for sears becuase he loves working on his cars and he buys tools their...valentine's day, a nice Tshirt...so there's hope that helps
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2007): Well all I can say is, most guys seem to be like this! Since I'm with my boyfriend I got him several present without any occassion, but he never got me anything. Even this week, when I had my graduation, he did not turn op for dinner with my family and when we saw eachother this weekend he didnt even bother to congratulate me!!! Ofcourse he had an excuse: his car was broken because of an accident and he couldnt drive with it. Later that day, he stepped in his car and drove of as his friend apparently 'fixed' it!!! So no advice, sorry, just some support!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2007): I know how you feel sweetie and it sux so bad! I was with my ex-boyfriend for two years and he never bought me one present for any holiday what-so-ever!
Now, it has been a year with a really good guy who gave me a diamond cross necklace for Christmas and a few cute things for Valentines Day.
Then it was his birthday, so I went broke buying him a present to make sure he had something on his Day! Then came my birthday. He suprised me later during the day around 3:00 when he walked into my office at work and gave me roses and a hug in front of everyone.
Later when I got home we got ready to go out to eat at a five star sea food restaurant. Once there, he said, "Ok, are you ready for me to tell you what your birthday present is?" I said, "Of course." and he said, "I am going to buy you a new pair of eye glasses since the dog chewed your old pair up." ... my mouth dropped. I quickly replied, "I don't wnat that for my birthday." He said, "Well, I didn't have time to go out and get you anything." ... sure is funny that the weekend before he went shopping at the mall to buy himself some clothes, he could have gotten me something then.
Needless to say, a couple of weeks later I went to go get a new pair of glasses and he decided to stay home and watch a movie. So of course I ended up paying for them and he never offered me any money. Well, the glasses cost almost as much as my part of the rent, so now I am a month behind on the rent and his response to that is, "Pay it whenever you can. I'm not gonna kick you out." OMG! I don't even know what to do about that.
Guys just need to understand that we want them to make us feel special and we will make them feel extra special in return. If they state another girl is pretty, back it up by telling us that we're prettier. Ya know?
Any way, I want you to feel like you are not alone, becuase I thought I was until I read this web site. It hurts, it really does, and I don't know what to do about it nor do I know what to tell you to do. It would be nice if someone could give the perfect answer.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): My boyfriend did not get me anything for my last birthday and i was terribly upset, it isn't like he forgot either, i had been talking about it A LOT! His birthday is 2 days before mine and I got him several nice items and took us out to dinner (Also keep in mind our anniversary is between our birthdays) I didn't get anything for that either. He said that he was just to busy to get me something. Yeah right. I recall that day and he spent it playing video games. It is time for my birthday again this year and our 2 year anniversary. This year he says he doesn't have any money to get me something and if i want something I have to take out a loan for him to get it!So i guess I should forget about an anniversary present again. My best friend's bday is the same day and we are all going on a trip together, its going to be hard seeing her husband doing nice things for her birthday and I wont be getting anything :( I told him that it wasnt about money or presents but about him showing that he cares for me and he could do something that doesnt cost money, but im not expecting that either. I told him last year if this ever happened again I was breaking up with him.....well its happening again...now i just have to decide what to do. I am sorry I cannot help resolve this for you, but just wanted to share that you arent alone and it sucks.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  + ♥, writes (5 September 2007):
I can understand your disapointed. Its not as if all presents cost heaps and if he was so low on cash, he could of still made something, like even a card he doesnt even have to buy. But perhap he just isnt that creative? afterall he is a mmale and is into cars...doesnt sound like the creative type.
Explain to him how you felt and say you know i dont expect anything big, but just a litle sign that you remembered by bday and did something for me would of been really good. Give him some ideas for next tme. Make him realise that not all bday gifts have to be so big and materalistic. Its about showing love. Not showering someone with some expensive gift.
p.s. I used to have a bf who spent SO much money on doing up his car too, so that he couldnt pay for my dinner on special occasions when he did before he found his new love for cars. It was hard....so i understand how you are feeling.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007): Have a really good chat with him and explain things to him as you have done to us. If he doesn't make you happy and you cannot live with this then move on. life is too short.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, Cupcake  +, writes (4 September 2007):
 Yah I would not be impressed. This is not about forgetting or money. If you love someone you atleast, ATLEAST get them a card, and still I dont think thats enough... Birthdays and Valentines day are days that you celebrate with the person you love, by giving them something special or doing something special with them. Honestly Id tell him how mad it made me, and let him know he wouldnt be getting anything from me anymore. My boyfriend always goes so much out of his way to give me a perfect Valentines day or birthday and still buys me flowers ATLEAST once a month, hes always done this and I love it that way. Every girl deserves it.
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A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (4 September 2007):
 If this is a symptom of a general pattern? Or does he remember other birthdays of important people: his mom's or siblings' birthdays? He may be one of those date-challenged people. My husband is this way (he doesn't remember dates across the board).
His favorite present (that "he" got for me) was when I HANDED HIM something in the store and said: "I want this for my birthday." He got a HUGE smile on his face, paid for it, wrapped it and wrote a hand-written note to go with it (no card), then gave it back to me (the same day). At least guaranteed that I got exactly what I want, lol.
If your guy is one of these you may just have to get used to it, especially if everything else is going well. He'll want to do well by you when you remind him, but otherwise he will forget.
I know, it's romantic to be surprised. But guys just aren't that way. If this is the case you'll need to decide how important this is vs. all the other stuff in the package that is your beau.
(I also get and send all the b-day cards to my husband's friends and family. I just put it in front of him to sign. I like doing this kind of thing and he always forgets, so I just do it for him. It makes him happy so he does other things for me that make me happy.)
If it's just that your guy is cheap, you might remind him that it only takes $2 for a really nice card, and that you'd be happy with ANYTHING he spent time and/or thought on, regardless of the cost. But doing NOTHING makes you feel that he didn't even think about you.
And if it's a pattern of him spending money on himself only, then you might want to bring this up to him. It doesn't bode well for getting anything for yourself out of this relationship, over all, if he drops so much cash on himself that he doesn't have anything left over for you.
Try to see exactly what the pattern is, and what exactly you want. Then talk to him calmly about it to see if you can come to a compromise (like my husband and I have). Please don't expect him to read your mind about what is important to you, especially if giving/receiving gifts isn't a priority to him.
Good luck hon.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007): Hey, he is being a selfish ass. You know it. He should have gotten you a 2 dollar card and maybe taken you out for a decent meal. That's all you want, to be recognised on your b-day from the man who is supposed to love you. next time his special day comes, don't even say happy birthday. ignore it 100%. screw him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007): Play the same game he's playing. DO NOT give him any cards or presents for upcoming events. Don't start buying cards again till he starts being more senstive and buys you a damn card!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 September 2007):
 Next time it's his birthday buy something for yourself as a birthday present. He'll get the hint. If my husband forgot to buy me something for Mother's Day when the kids were little I'd buy myself something great on Father's Day. It worked like a charm.
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