A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why my bf of almost 10 mths doesn't want to hold my hands in the public (he even walk far from me) nor want our relationship to be disclose even to our church members nor want to put our photo together in whatsapp profile nor in the facebook (but he claims he has no facebook). However He acted differently when in my car or in his house,we had have been intimate in his house, we even had sex which he always initiated......Although he is younger than me 3 years, and perhaps looks younger, I'm not anyway bad looking and most of my friends said I'm quite good looking), I do dressed up quite often most of the time because of my work as sales and he always wear t-shirt and jeans, when I approached him the above doubts of mine, he often used that excuse he feel embarrassed as I wear too nice than him or because I wear a bit high heels I walk slow. Or he didn't get used to the idea of holding hands. I was v disappointed, as even cross the busy road he also never hold mine ! He appeared cold n uncaring when we were outside but when in my vehicle or in his house he acted v intimate, on the contract of his action in the public. He said he felt self-conscious and afraid church members or friends will judge him as he is still not successful or whatever he said he doesn't own a car. But I have car is because I need for my sales as I running around, I told him not necessary a guy must have a car to prove he is rich in singapore. I'm a Singaporean but I don't judge people from what they own. I just want my boyfriend or husband to be doted on me care of me and be attentive to me, and he said I'm demanding cos he just thinking treating me and buying me some things is good enough. He doesn't have parents. Hence I can't judge if he is hiding anything as he doesn't have family but only sisters. I also have other suitors but afraid of other relationship anymore. He is my first time I gave my V to him and afraid other people will judge. I even stop going to church nor event with him as he always pretend we are not lovers, and several times he just seat far away from me during church events or service or even 'lob ang' other people car after the event, and when I questions him he said he needs time. What time? Then he said this is not a major issue in the relationship and he said I'm too sensitive and demanding. He further explained he already compensate me by buying me things as he is not the affectionate type and seldom in relationships. I had other ex bfs and suitors before but they had never treated me like that, is it because I had already given him what he wants like sex after 3 months which I get short changed or is it I'm too sensitive (as what he claims I'm )? I'm very confused. And I really regret . I'm from a proper traditional family , or is it because he doesn't have that caused him to be like that? It has been bottom up in my heart for so long that's why I decide to write into this forum to consult the public's opinion. Confused
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (23 October 2014):
 He thinks he doesn't deserve you and is afraid that church members would gossip things like he's your sex toy or he uses you like a chauffeur. He has low self esteem and I think the relationship can work if you like to keep your relationships private and you care to protect his feelings from imagined judgments from outside. He doesn't have parents? Did they die? Were he and his sisters raised by foster family? I would be uncomfortable until I know the truth about his family. I feel his idiosyncracies I could deal with. As long as he loves you and is kind to you. I could also do without going to church.
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