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My boyfriend died 8 months ago and I can't move on...

Tagged as: Breaking up<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 April 2009) 21 Answers - (Newest, 23 July 2009)
A female Australia age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Hey dear cupid, I was dating this wonderful guy for 2 years, everything was perfect we never fought, never argued, it was a perfect relationship. He was my prince charming.. he asked me out on prom and since then we have been inseperable... but he died 8 months ago and after that my life has become miserable.

I don't like going out now and all I do is sit and cry.. it's been 8 months and from then up to now I cry and cry.

A lot men have approached me but I just can't think of seeing anyone, I see him in everything I do... I love him soo much but I can't continue living like this...

View related questions: move on

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2009):

heya:) this happened to me :( my boyfriend died almost 6 months ago and he was all i have ever wanted:'( but he died and i havent been the same since , every morning when i wake up and every night when i go to sleep hes always on my mind but over time you wont be as upset because as another day passes its a day closer to seeing him:^)

xxxxxxxxx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

hi anonymous readers i have just checked on this question after a long long time

i hope ur doing fine,i can understand wat ur going through

cuz i feel the same

if u need to talk to me let me know

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2009):

I'm so sorry for your lost... :(

You have to be strong...

He is watching you from heaven...

Time will heal your pain... not all but I think you will be alright...

But always and forever he will be in your heart... and that is beautiful... I wish you all the best in your life...

I send you a bug hug and lots of love from Serbia...

Jelena.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2009):

On February 23, 1997 my fiance passed away...we were to be married 4 months later in June of that year. It has been 12 years. Prior to that--I had a boyfriend in high school. He died my senior year. We attended prom the year prior--the theme was "The Best of Times" by Styx.

While 8 months might seem like an eternity for you after losing your boyfriend...For me--it's been 12 years going on 13. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him. Where would we be if he were still alive? Would we still be living in California? How many children might we have?

At times, I have grown very depressed and quite angry at my situation. Why me?

What have I learned?

I knew beyond any reasonable doubt that he was in love with me. I was very much in love with him. I tell myself every day--THAT was the lesson I was meant to learn. I KNOW what it feels to be in love, and to be loved back.

BE SURE as you move on NOT to get confused in your journey.

Be forever grateful that your boyfriend taught you the difference...Love is forever.

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A female reader, klou +, writes (4 May 2009):

i lost my boyfriend when we were travelling in 1996.... I still about him an awful lot and visit his grave on all the important dates, he was soul mate and my everything.... time is a healer... and its so true, you never get over it but you learn to deal with it. Believe me xxxx

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A female reader, missyoualot Ireland +, writes (3 May 2009):

Please email me on [email address blocked] i really need to talk with any of you girls, my boyfriend died 2 months ago, and i just dont know how to live again... i am just wishing i was dead too, and we could be together again... i feel so alone...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2009):

I understand what you going through this time, i am in the same situation.. my boyfriend died 2 months ago.. and i would really like to talk to you because i feel i am so alone and no one understands me and how i am feeling, if you want you can send me an email here at dear cupid. Let me know and I'll register a name.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2009):

I cnt i imagine what you are going through, honestly.

But i understand what you mean in a different way of love. My non biological grandad dies two years ago, and it is hard. very hard. i loved him very much, and its hard.

I wihs i had someone to talk to.

so i suggest you do what i never did, and talk to someone. explode at someone, tell them how you feel. how it makes you feel.

I admire you for being so strong and havig the will to ask for help, because regardless of you losing hope or not this iste is a mean by which you have seeked for help, and for that I admire you so much.

You should think on this differently, wowuld he want you living like this? I dont think he would. i think he would rather watch you from up there happy and joyful, with or without someone next to you.

PS I love you is a movie that is similar to what you are going through. it is VERY sad so I cnt reccomend tou watching, but in the end, you should carry him in yur heart, not in your mind.

By what i interpreted he knew he would pass away, and the letter he aksed someone to give to you just provs that he wants to see you happy and that he will never leave your side.

I hope this helped.

I am very sorry for your loss.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009):

My boyfriend died last May and I too cannot move on - I am so lost, alone and miserable. I am not me any more. I have done things that I normally would not do and have gotten myself in to trouble now. We were together for almost 4 years. It was a rocky relationship but it was ours. We were not only bf and gf we were best friends... although we had our problems, we were strong and stuck together. He died of an overdose and since his passing I feel dead. I don't want to go out or get out of bed. I took a bunch of benzos right after he died and ended up in the psych ward. I did not want to kill myself, I just didn't want to feel anything and since I still do not want to feel. I am dead inside... I keep waiting for him to send me a sign that he did love me and he is safe and happy now - but he hasn't yet - so I ask myself - was any of what we had real - or was it all a farce and I wasted all that time, ruined my life, became an addict and now am so depressed and who knows what's next for me.. I feel I've ruined my life and can't get it back.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thanks nicole,

i just feel saddened that my perfect life has been ruined and the fact that i received his letter after his death makes me feel worse,attached to that letter was a ring saying marry me

he wanted to make it official on my birthday and see he wasnt alive to see this day but i got his message

this is destiny i guess

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A female reader, nickie123 United States +, writes (10 April 2009):

nickie123 agony aunthey i read whta you put but you shouldnt decide or want tolive. God has you hear in earth for a reason just wait for the answer i really worry about you and please dont think does thoughts just go to church and you will find a happiness that you thought you wouldnt have again :) i am still praying for you :)

your friend

Nicole

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

he always send me letters on my birthday irrespective of him being here or not

i got a letter frm him on my birthday that is march 13th..he asked the people to deleiver it..

all this just cant make me forget him

the only thing i pray for us for me to join him,i hope i die soon and we reunite again

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A female reader, Tiger14 United States +, writes (10 April 2009):

Tiger14 agony aunthey this is very sad but i do want to give you some advice that i hope helps..you will never forget him and you wont want to forget him..start doing things that you used to do with him and enojyed start doing things that you like to do and know that w.e u do he is there with u in spirit..if u think about it he wouldnt want to see you like this..he would want to see you live your life and be happy..do it for him look within your life to do things you both enjoyed with his memory.. is not about forgeting is about coping and living your life..also remember that atleast there was one person in your life who you met and knew for sure that you both loved each other... there are many people out there who have never felt loved ..brighter side is atleast u felt loved then had never had that love in your life..it sucks that you had to loose that person but that person loves you no matter what..and dont deny those guys who come up to you ..you never know what he is bringing towards your way to make your life better ;-)

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A female reader, nickie123 United States +, writes (9 April 2009):

nickie123 agony aunthey i cant say that i know what you feeling or going through and i know that isn't true because i haven't been through that, well what i think is that everything happens for a reason and that's part of life there sometimes that the person that we love the most leaves but haven't you thought that was a sighs, if you cant move on get help i think by this experience that you are going through i think that you should prey to thr lord to help you and i bet that you will be a happy person again :) i hoped i help i have you in my prayers and i wish you the best you can move on ;)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009):

sorry to hear of your loss. i lost my boyfriend when i was a teenager. i know what you are going through. u will never forget but time heals and life does go on you just cant see that now. get counseling. it will help u get all these feelings out. stay busy doing things and spending time with friends and love ones.

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A female reader, cloudysunshine United Kingdom +, writes (9 April 2009):

Hi I've only broke up with someone, and I'm a mess just can't imagine what you're going through but stay strong, definitely get medical advice and try to see positives, it sounds cliche, but time heals, take care xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009):

Crying is a part of mourning grieving and believe it or not moving on.

eventually you will cry to a point where you can't cry anymore and then you will begin to move on.

so let it out if you bottle up the grief will come back at a less convenient time , talk to people real people not just us. tell them how your feeling even if they can't emphasize having someone to listen might help.

then when you are ready, key word there. date again.

when people leave us it is hard particuarly when life with them was so perfect. but keep yourself busy as well read a book maybe , go out with friends occasionly. you are not alone. everyone feelslike this at some point in their lifetime.

but by no means expect to feel ready before you are. it won't help you. accept your feelings. accept that he is not here anymore. you life has to continue without him.

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A female reader, kellyxxx United Kingdom +, writes (9 April 2009):

kellyxxx agony auntYou need counselling. You are allowed to grieve but things will eventually get better, time will heal you. Try the 'relate website' I think its relate.org. Or look up local counselling services in your area. If you go and see a doctor they can help too, you sound like you need to be put on antidepressants for a while. You really need help, please do this for yourself, I'm sure that your boyfriend would not want to see you this upset. Celebrate his life and start doing things for him, this may be a good process. Have a clear out , clean room is the first step to a clean mind. I really hope that you take my advice, I can empathise with your situation and I can imagine what deep pain you are feeling. Hope I have been a help for you.xx

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A female reader, niki20 United States +, writes (9 April 2009):

niki20 agony auntlet me start of by saying im sorry,in this type of siuation you have to griev. was his death sudden? if it was you had no time to prepare yourself at all so grieving will take a little longer. would he want you to move on? if so give it a little while longer and just date dont get into a serious relationship just yer. goodluck

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A female reader, Original shiraz! United Kingdom +, writes (9 April 2009):

It will be so hard for you, this will stay with you forever, greif effects everyone in so many ways that some never really recover. When you lost him you lost a bit of you and that may never back to you, at least you can rest with the thought that he has it, hes taken a bit of you with him.

Crying is all you know and life will be like that for some time, 2 years is a long time, some of the memories you must have will remain with you throughout your life, hold onto those but remember life has to go on, its so cruel but your not forgetting him or moving on from him your simply doing the right thing, what he would of wanted you to do and be happy in your life right now your not and he wouldnt want this.

Seein somebody else doesnt have to be an option right now, its a long way off in your future but right now you need to sort yourself out and your emotions. Your head is everywhere but you cant change what has happened, no matter how much you want it back its something that is out of your control. Its a cruel way of life that damages everybody at some point.

Youve realised the problem now comes the difficult part of dealing with it, you know that you can not go on this way and that a change for the better is needed.

Its a huge step but maybe going out will help you ease back into routine? 8 months is a long time and although you may not feel like going out it may be whats best for you at this time. You need support right now so seek that from family and friends, some may not know how to talk to you which is why they have kept there distance but remind them that normality is what you need.

Dont ever feel guilty, it sounds like he loved you a lot and he wouldnt want you to put your life on hold for something you cannot control or change. The past is always there and within you he will be too, i know you will never let go of him but you need to find yourself again, thats the person he loved, the real you, find her again and with that comes happiness. Rebuild ourself in slow steps, it will take time but you know you need to do it for yourself as well as him. I wish you alll the luck in your future.

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A female reader, LilPixie United Kingdom +, writes (9 April 2009):

LilPixie agony auntI'm really sorry to hear about this.

I have to say, you're a lot stronger than you may think, I couldn't imagine a life without my boyfriend.

It's going to take a while to get over this and you'll have to take things slow before your life can slowly return to 'normal'.

If you don't feel like going out maybe a get a friend or a couple to come to yours and spend a couple of evenings a week with them. It'll be hard but maybe this will help you get your minds off things, even if only for a short while.

Maybe go for a walk in the morning or evening when there's not a lot of people around just so that you get out of the house for a bit.

I would also recommend to talk to your doctor and get him/ her to transfer you to a counsellor. It's up to you if you want to do this but I really think it may help to talk to someone professional.

I hope that this helps in some way, and if you need anyone to talk, feel free to message me.

I wish you all the best

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