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My boyfriend didn't give me a Christmas present!

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 December 2009) 10 Answers - (Newest, 27 December 2009)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend didn't get me a Christmas present. I wrapped all his kids gifts and put mine under the tree. We ad a talk prior to Christmas about exchanging gifts. I didn't was there to be any financial burdon on either of us, so I suggested that we skip it. He was offended and said that he has to at least get me a little something. Christmas morning came and what I got was a pathetic speach about how he couldn't find anything good enough for me. He said he even tried to write a letter to me explaining how much I mean to him and everything he wrote sounded like garbage. He was so pathetic on Christmas morning. I left feeling like last week's leftovers, you know the kind that are all smelly and moldy.

How can anyone say that they love you and that you are their world and do that?

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A female reader, SirenaBlusera Mexico +, writes (27 December 2009):

SirenaBlusera agony auntYou have to be sincere and direct with guys, because some cannot take a hint. It´s difficult to second guess what a person is saying if they won´t tell it like it is... i.e., please get me a present. Maybe he figured you were ok with not having a present, because of what you said.

It´s not too late for a belated Christmas present, why don´t you suggest that for him? He´d probably do it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2009):

My boyfriend screwed the pooch on the Christmas present thing too. This is our third Christmas togetether and he has let me down each year. The first year was the worst because he had done some work in my house and said that was my present. That mihgt have been ok, but every five minutes he was using the bathroom for a phonebooth to talk to some chic he had done some other work for. I was going to break up with him and the next week he broke his foot so I felt sorry for him and took care of him, then I find out he was at her house when he broke his foot. Last year I got him expensive cologne he asked for - and asked for several times and said, "Are you sure you ordered my """"/

Of course I had. I bought him a bunch of other things all wrapped so pretty. He said "I feel so bad I didn't get you anything" and then he opened up his gifts and was delighted. The day after Christmas he took me out and bought me a pair of shoes - whoop de doo. It totally sucked and I felt like yesterday's trojan wrapper. This year, generous femaile that I am, after I have spent two months taking care of him after major surgery by the way - he is up and about and we go shopping, he buys personalized stationary for his sister, buys his daughter a ring, other stuff for sister in law, niece and brother really nice things. For me , nada, bupkuss, squat. I went in the bathroom and cried like a baby. It just crushed me. It's not like I need the Hope diamond or a Bugatti, just something personal he took as least as long to pick out as the scarf for the sister in law and he doesn't even like her. I treat him like a king and I guess he sees me as a servant, not an equal who a token of affection. Gheeeez. Who does that. Third year in a row.

And he is totally clueless he hurt me so badly.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2009):

OK, LEARN from this... next year suggest two things that you would like for Christmas. They can be SIMPLE... don't get too specific, be generic and make him at least get to a store and find what you want... slippers, a bathrobe, bath salts... something that you'll use that will make your day a bit easier.

Men are literal creatures (as someone else said), especially if he's been in bad relationships where he was having to intensely listen to his partner. Some of us have been there, and as a self preservation mode developed odd listening skills (too literal, and little creative thinking...)- I too struggle with being creative, but my wonderful wife has learned that it has nothing to do with her and assists with ideas- this Christmas went off perfect, thanks to her understanding me!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2009):

Yeah, I think you have to blame yourself here and let him off the hook and I think you need to tell him that you are letting him off the hook. You TOLD him point blank not to get you anything, you shouldn't do that if you don't mean it.

Really, what kind of pity game are you playing here....do you like the role of martyr? Sure sounds as if.

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A female reader, Libra1963  +, writes (27 December 2009):

Libra1963 agony auntThe best things in life are free - health, companionship, friends, love, happiness.....

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A female reader, Libra1963  +, writes (27 December 2009):

Libra1963 agony auntMen do find gift giving difficult. It helps if you drop hints as to what you would like. Men are put of by women who are very materialistic. They are turned off even more when they have bought something and its not appreciated. I agree that he could have made an effort but at least he was there with you for xmas - it could have been worst. Christmas is a time for giving and I am sure he is giving in other ways. Its really a time for children. There have been many years where I have woken up to nothing but with some communication, things do change.

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (27 December 2009):

Fatherly Advice agony auntExactly right Caring guy. I do suspect he will keep trying. It took me quite some time to get the gift giving thing right. I still mess up on occasion. It is one of the hardest things for me.

FA

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A female reader, Ich_liebe_dich Philippines +, writes (27 December 2009):

Ich_liebe_dich agony auntI thought love is not expecting something! i thought love is letting go. Christmas come, my husband didnt give me any single or even a little present. although i do give him present. he say sorry that he dont have any present for me and i just said. He is the most important present for me not only for Christmas but all the time.

We just hug, we spend the whole Christmas together just him and me without anybody and guess what, we have a very beautiful, quite with peace of mind christmas day. i think having a quite,peace of mind without any stress thats the most present we can have in every occation

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2009):

I could careless about gifts.

Ask yourself five years from now, would it matter.

My relatives are sick and I'm fearful this Christmas of losing them. Having them around is the greatest gift. Time is the greatest gift.

We are becoming over-commercialized as a society. All the stress about shopping, buying, exchanging for the right size/color after the holidays. I wish Christmas is not so over-hyped and commercialized.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom + , writes (27 December 2009):

Oops. Men are very literal creatures. If you say forget it, then they will do just that. You asked him to skip it, so after thinking it though, he did.

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